What every woman wants
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
A Guy Got Bit By Snake
2 friends were camping out one night, when all of the sudden one of them jumps up screaming,
"A SNAKE JUST BIT ME ON THE TIP OF MY p***s!!".
The other friend said, "don't worry, I am going to town to find a doctor, I will be right back!".
So he goes to town, and finally finds a doctor.
"Doctor!! My friend just got bit by a snake!!!" the friend says.
"It's ok", the doctor says, "all you have to do is suck the poison out.".
The friend says thank you, and runs back to the camp site. The injured friends asks, "WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?"
,the other friend replies, "doctor said you gonna die!"
Poor Daddy
One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."
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A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.
When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"
Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?"
Cook For c**k
While tending to her housework, a woman asks her husband
"Will you please fix the cabinet in the kitchen? It's been barely holding on to it's hinges for weeks now."
He replies "Does it say 'carpenter' on my forehead?"
Surprised, she lets it go and returns to her housework. As she begins to clean the bathroom, she notices that the lever is getting stuck. She yells from the bathroom,
"Honey, the toilet's lever is stuck again! Can you fix it?"
She comes into the living room to find him reading the paper. He responds to the puzzled look on her face with...
"Do I have "plumber" written on my forehead?"
The next day, her husband comes home from work to find the Cabinet fixed, the toilet fixed, and a chipper spouse making the bed in the master bedroom.
"Who fixed everything?"
"A kind young gentleman came by today, said he was a handyman and asked if I needed anything done around the house. When he finished, he said I couldn't pay him with cash because I don't keep it around the house. He mentioned that was fine and that I could pay him by sucking his d**k or cooking him a good meal."
"What did you cook for him?"
"Does it say "chef" of my forehead?"
krash16 Community Member 
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