I wish people would quit playing mind games with me. Why is it that I feel most alone when everyone tends to show me that they actually care? Maybe they only care out of obligation...
Anyhow, I feel particularly alone right now. I don't know what to do, really.
I talked to her today. I got an emotional kick in the crotch when she wore my promise ring, too.
This is really hard to adjust to. I know that I have dependency issues. It feels weird to say I'm single.
I know that after all of this, I still want to be with her, but we can't have a normal relationship. Not even close. I think this is probably for the best... but I don't care. cry
I want to stop feeling right now.
Someone who takes a beating tends to give up though. Achilles dragged Hector's body around the city of Troy three times. Hector finally quite moving. My point: I'm tired of being dragged around.
Between fighting for her, Being leaned on by her, and Being repeatedly destroyed by a combination of her and her parents, I'm through with it. I'm tired. I really, truly, have gotten to the point where I can take anything in the face without crying any more. It's hard. It's hard to thank silence. To thank peace of mind. I can finally do that though.
I just can't help but feel liker her parents were right about me. They've always held it against me that I'm lower class, and they judge my future by my mother's failures. But they've done so much more to me. They treat me less than human. they treat me like scum... and that in itself has taken a serious toll on me.
I don't know what else to say, except that I've made some new friends from another town. It's an hour drive there, and I've been introduced online by one of their friends whom I actually know. They're awesome. I hope to meet them soon.
I hope everything get's better soon. It can't really be all that much worse.
Song: Hate Me
Band: Blue October
Anyhow, I feel particularly alone right now. I don't know what to do, really.
I talked to her today. I got an emotional kick in the crotch when she wore my promise ring, too.
This is really hard to adjust to. I know that I have dependency issues. It feels weird to say I'm single.
I know that after all of this, I still want to be with her, but we can't have a normal relationship. Not even close. I think this is probably for the best... but I don't care. cry
I want to stop feeling right now.
Someone who takes a beating tends to give up though. Achilles dragged Hector's body around the city of Troy three times. Hector finally quite moving. My point: I'm tired of being dragged around.
Between fighting for her, Being leaned on by her, and Being repeatedly destroyed by a combination of her and her parents, I'm through with it. I'm tired. I really, truly, have gotten to the point where I can take anything in the face without crying any more. It's hard. It's hard to thank silence. To thank peace of mind. I can finally do that though.
I just can't help but feel liker her parents were right about me. They've always held it against me that I'm lower class, and they judge my future by my mother's failures. But they've done so much more to me. They treat me less than human. they treat me like scum... and that in itself has taken a serious toll on me.
I don't know what else to say, except that I've made some new friends from another town. It's an hour drive there, and I've been introduced online by one of their friends whom I actually know. They're awesome. I hope to meet them soon.
I hope everything get's better soon. It can't really be all that much worse.
Song: Hate Me
Band: Blue October
Community Member
It's easy to give in man, and I can't say that I blame you if you do give up...but in the end, thats all you will ever be if you do.
Make some new friends, possibly make a fresh start. You will always be haunted by this past year and a half. Every relationship you have will always have some remnant of this hanging over it...now you have to learn to live with that, and move on.
I mean hell...I can barely get near people because I have such deep trust issues that I can't open up to well to people without pulling away...but you have to keep pressing on because you will always wonder, what if...what if you had moved on, what if you had tried to get your life back in order...what if you had given your heart another try.