I guess I've always had a strange conception of things.
To start, let me say that I've always been that kid who was... "behind." I didn't understand most of the conversations my friends were having or the depth of them. I never truly understood my responsibilities or the depth or weight of my own life and actions.
I was just kind of... told? Like, "you're this. So then you have to do this, this, this and this." "You're smart, so you're like this this and this."
When friends made jokes, often times, I didn't get what was funny. Especially, when it came to sexual jokes or sex lives. I just didn't understand the depth of it. There was a time that a girl was crying that her ex was with someone else, and I just totally didn't understand why she was so upset over it.
Eventually I did understand, but... only in my senior year of high school. I felt... behind socially. I guess I just didn't truly value what other people did. Or maybe I was just weird.
As for responsibilities, I never truly understood what it meant to go to school and all that. Like, I just went because my parents told me to. I didn't really understand that if I didn't go, they'd get or trouble. And I didn't understand that I could drop out during my junior year. I just... did it... Same with taking care of my sisters or myself.
This next parts kind of personally, but then again, this is my journal. Anyway... Religiously, I didn't get my whole responsibility either. I'm an... What I call an "unorthodox evangelic christian." So I didn't really take the whole "responsibility to recruit people to the church thing" seriously or at all... really. But it never bothered me! I always thought, "if they want to believe, they'll believe. If they want to worship their way, let them do it their way. They're not hurting anyone after all."
Even my first job didn't fell like a responsibility, neither did college. OMG! especially college. I took "going whenever you want" too lightly... I basically only went never.
Anyway, that brings me to now. The Adult part. See I got this second job which is basically a nurse assistant job, and I loved it. First job with medical benefits and a 401K. It didn't really feel like a job at first as most jobs don't. But somewhere in the past month... I've started hating the job. And it's not because I don't want to work anymore. It's just... it became a responsibility.
I didn't feel like going, but I had to. It was my job and it helped paid for Noctis (my car). It just felt like so much got taken out of me just to get there (still does). And... I'm sick of it.
That's why I'm so happy about my new tablet and drawing stuff up for YouTube. I'm so ready to make videos again when I have the time. So ready. The week after next, I'm just making ranting videos, but then I thought, "how long until that becomes a responsibility?"
And that's when I realized it never truly would be. Becoming Adult has taught me that in order to do something I want, I have to do something that I don't want to do first. Then, I can have all the fun I want.
It's all work, then play.
Who knows, maybe I'll hit it big
PiddQuinn Community Member 
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