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It's a rare occurrence when the Buzzfeed food video blog "Tasty" produces a vegan snack. In fact, I've only seen it happen twice among hordes of artery-clogging, disgusting dumpster dives that produce those terrible "food" videos you see on your Facebook feed. The first one I ever saw was a vegan black bean burger that I have to admit turned out very delicious and pretty healthy. The second is oily, deep-fried, and made me feel sick to my stomach, but it was vegan so I had to make it anyway. It was guacamole-filled onion rings.

I'm not really going to list the recipe because it's not mine, and there's really not much to it. Make the guac, put it inside sliced onions, and freeze. When they're solid, coat in flour, then dunk in almond milk, then coat in Panko bread crumbs. Then fry until golden and crispy. They were pretty good, I'm not going to lie. But they're the savory version of Oreos: yeah, they're vegan, but they make you feel terrible so it's best to just eat some guac by itself.

The past few weeks have been pretty gloomy, looking back. My own natural laziness has clashed with the lull of a boring summer and the repressive heat wave that's making everyone miserable. I'm still working a lot of hours at the paint studio, but when I'm not doing that, I'm doing nothing. I haven't gone for a run in so long, and I've honestly stopped caring about what I eat. I mean, obviously I've never been a health nut. But I try to factor that in to my overall daily diet. Even if it's something basic like "hey, maybe you should buy a real dinner on the way to work instead of a pack of Oreos and a jar of peanut butter." Luckily, years of hard work and veganism has boosted my metabolism, but I don't want this slump to continue much longer. I'm at the point where I'm feeling myself want to change things up, and that's usually a good sign. I'm going to trust my instincts and do what feels right.

I've also been working on strategies to take care of my mental health and brain. All summer long I've had this nagging feeling that not being in school and only painting in my free time is killing my brain cells. So I'm starting to get back into learning Spanish and reading books. Right now, I'm reading 'Career of Evil', the third mystery novel by JK Rowling. And the script book for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child comes out on the 31st! I'm so excited. I'm too poor to travel to London to see the play, so until they film the play or adapt it into a movie, the script book is all I have.

In short, I just have to tell myself that once I start running and walking again, all will be okay. I will stop stressing. The problem is, I have such a complex fixation over time. I feel like my obsession with maximizing time is controlling and ruining my life. I don't talk about it often, but I dwell on it constantly. For example, my least favorite activity in the world is driving to work. My mind sees it as nothing more than a tremendous waste of 30+ minutes of my day. Additionally, my mind actively tries to get out of going anywhere or doing anything on my days off. I'm fixated on this idea that time off is time off, and running errands is precious time being taken away from me.

But what do I end up doing with my free time that I maximize throughout the week? Absolutely nothing. I hate it. It's my least favorite thing about myself. I'm trying very hard to relax and get it through my head that filling time with meaningful activities is so much more valuable than worrying about the time I have, and filling it up with leisurely nothing. I've just gotten so good at letting it nag me, letting it constantly be right under the surface of my thoughts and emotions. It is the one thing that I fight hard to break free of. Hopefully soon.

That said, I need to wrap this up and do something productive before work today. My mind is telling me to just look at the clock until I have to go, and watch Netflix. I'm going to break the cycle and find something more meaningful to do.