Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I don't know anymore. I really don't understand. Why do people go through so much suffering only to have memories that haunt them? Really down right now. Everything is not how I want it to be. I keep fighting and struggling within myself. It never ends and I always seem to hit the ground crawling. Unable to run. I seem so far away from reality. Love. This whole thing is a dream. She just told me it felt like a dream. I feel the same. I honestly cannot bear my existence. All these material posessions. What are they for? All my meaningful stuff is decaying in a dump. I don't feel love. Only coldness. Nothing else. Nothing. Dying felt awful and yet so good. I wanted to die for 35 years. I finally did and I have this infinite power but what does it really mean? What is anything.....