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I feel that all I can do is talk about how miserable I am. I honestly am. I am a miserable guy. Sure I have the love of my life but I don't. I cannot go on dates with her. I cannot give her gifts or an engagement ring. I can't give her what a living man can give her. I am not even a man. I was one. I was living out my final mortal days 5 years ago. I have nothing to give her except a few old clothes and cds my grieving mother brought over. I myself have given her nothing. Just my prescence. I am so sick of just settling for less. Settling for 2nd rate nothing. I am fed up. I have been distancing myself from her because I can't do it. I have nothing. I am the kind of guy who sweeps his woman off her feet with romance and pampering. I buy her diamonds and lavish vacations. I get thousands of dollars each month...well I used to..and I spent that money on what I wanted. And that was my woman....whom I am no longer with...she was a jerk...BUT the point is I am so very unfulfilled just standing by while my woman is being pressured into dating. She has been committed to me for four and a half years and nobody..not her family...not her friends know...why? Because I decided to die. I died. Now I just float around killing and wrecking lives..and maybe get to say hi to my love a few times a day in her busy mind. I am getting so fed up with this. It is a living hell. I have waited all my life to give everything to that special someone and I get her when I die. What kind of BS is that? Why? I am going to have a breakdown.