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My thought's and feeling's.( Is it just me or does that sound really gay?! )
Journal Entry #94
It has been two months since my last post. I wouldn't say anything super really fantastic is happening, cuz it's most certainly not.
I got into a huge fight with my parents about a month ago, I threatened to leave before I seriously hurt someone. They want me out of the house by July or so, which is actually an extension of the original date which was late May. I scare myself sometimes and other times I get so angry I really just want to hurt someone. Esp. my current roommate Ron, two nights ago he reminded of how much I hate myself. Which is a story in itself.

I don't know what love is, nor will I find out anytime soon. I try and find someone that can accept me for all that I am. But they just treat me like all I want is sex, which isn't true. I love sex, and I hate it. Guys don't mind fooling around, but when it comes to actually wanting to be with me, it's either "You're too much for me" or in the end they just used me. Sometimes I just want to cut off my v****a and see if anyone bothers to try to see me for who I really am.
Speaking of men, this guy, Tyler Karst, had a thing for me. And when we texted he seemed really nice. Last week I went to Knotts Berry Farms to see him (I was really skeptical about Tyler, so I brought Nathan). We got up super early to get there on time, texting tyler along the way. By the time we got there, Nathan and I had gotten a hotel room for the night and we headed over to the park. Tyler lives about 3 miles away and he rides his scooter, he was about an hour and a half late.
He would tell me over text how much he loves roller coasters and he really wanted to go on the log ride with me, I was thoroughly excited. When he didn't show up, Nathan and I went on in anyways without him and rode Silver Bullet, It was fun. When we got off, Tyler still wasn't there. We waited. Finally he shows up and I decided we should go on this newer ride they had, not sure what the name was but it was like a swing that went 301ft high. Tyler says he doesn't like heights. So Nathan and I decide we want to go on Montezuma's Revenge... Tyler doesn't like going backwards.... Okay, well lets go on something Tyler wanted to go on with me, the log ride.... Tyler doesn't feel like getting wet. Nathan and I want to go on Xcelerator and Tyler agrees, but he had to go to the bathroom and he said he'd meet us up in line.... He never did. Nathan and I finally just go off by ourselves and Tyler texts me saying he wants to go home and that coming was a bad idea. Not that I care anymore or anything because I spent most of the day with Nathan anyways, which was a lot funner than having a lagger.
One week passes and Nathan and I are on our way back from the Mission Viejo Mall, Tyler texts me saying how we don't like each other anymore, I said no. I spent over $200 that day just to see him, I showed him who I was, and all he did was be quiet all day and sometimes text people. I don't want to be with someone like that. I want to see effort. And he put in none at all.

Thats about the jist of the last month or so... other than always getting crazy drunk at parties, got my own hookah and getting ready to move out...
Til Next Time~

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