Force me to stop hurting people, kill me.
physically or emotionally, which ever way it takes
make me what they want me to be
it doesn't matter what I want if that means other people don't get what they want
I don't even know what it is that I want
I guess the things that come to mind is some of the stuff that I posted earlier -I would like to be happy -I would like to not miss out -I would like to feel fulfilled
but the problem is that each of these seem to follow a different path that don't allow the others
I cant see a way to make myself feel worth something by fulfilling these needs, so maybe I can help someone with their own needs
i helped a couple friends by giving them money i helped a friend by borrowing them money i tried to help several people by providing friendship or companionship companionship is a failure on my part i tried to help by working on projects with a few of my friends, but my ambition for that always runs out too early, I don't like it to be forced but I guess that would be the mature thing to do instead of ignoring it
but why do I want to help others is this my other need to make myself think that I have purpose to pull my focus away from myself ignore my problems and what I really should be doing and mask it telling myself I am a good person because all I wanted to do was help
my friends don't seem to see it but I am a terrible person
remove it from the world to make the world a better place
anyways, other thoughts of this morning I am sympathetic to the persons who are stereotyped against, because in my household I hear the worst of the actions taken by these groups and am forced to try to see around it to see that not all of them are like that, and I see goodness and reason in everything and everyone
hmmm my two thoughts seem to clash pretty well
razz screw this I am going to the bank to withdraw hole bunches of money now, yay money!!!
going to go shopping on Tuesday with my friend so i need cash, lots of it, also got to make up for my failed present by handing sister a small group of twenties wrapped in ones, then going to give small amount for my name to be written on present for cousin's wedding, so much money needed, and I be throwing it around
Fay Da Way · Wed Sep 07, 2011 @ 05:34pm · 1 Comments |