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dreams
intercourse
relationship
projects
dreams found a forum recently about controlling dreams http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/heaven/want-to-learn-to-control-your-dreams/t.68750869_1/ found it interesting, read the first few posts and have tried the lucid dreaming suggestions and found it very fun with a strong feeling of empowerment coming from them, it is exciting and i think i will continue playing with it as it gives me a strong sense of control and enjoyment that i can't feel anywhere else with the freedom of being able to do things that would not be allowed in society
intercourse lol had a dream last night where i really wanted to screw a friend of mine, but he is gay, so that is not happening, had a different dream before where i made out with him and it was quite fun, but i think that is just being turned on by a person because they are in a role of power the only reason why this friend has any influence of power is because they get to be the gm in the dnd group i joined a while ago i very much enjoy their way of gming, though i don't have many people to compare it to, since I have only participated in one other long term dnd session and like four other single sessions of dnd, a couple of people in the group have voiced their opinions to me about things they don't like about it and what they would change, but right now i like it, and the guy is really creative at making worlds and describing the world in a fantastic way, and all the new and odd creatures, and instead of just having people attack a monster till it dies, he describes the way the attack hits the monster in a way that is exciting and fun, so I get pulled into the world really well and can imagine the things happening vividly in my mind, which gives me the same feeling as my muse for drawing, which is basically like a mind orgasm
other persons i have interest in screwing usually have similar reasoning intensity/passion sense of power feels naughty can't so I want to or I just do it because I think it will allow me to get something from them that I want.
I have one guy I am interested in screwing just because I know I cant, he is training to become a minister or a preacher or something of that sort, and I want to screw him just to break his religious divine view of himself, I like the idea of tearing apart someone's view of them self over something they did when they were weak willed, but I know he wont fall for any of my traps, I also know that I wont do it, because unlike in my dreams, in reality I can somewhat decipher what is wrong
my now ex I used to enjoy for multiple reasons, extreme amount of passion, and a small amount of sense of power, in our jobs he has a higher position, though he does not actually work over me he lives with the person that does, but just the fact that he gets to tell others what to do so he has some power and I get to tell him what to do so I get power over him, I kinda like that, some guys I get board during sex with but with him I don't he keeps it intense
blah blah blah, forgot what i was talking about because i got distracted and now i need to get to work, so will possibly be continued later
it is later, still cant remember most of what i was saying yay for failure to think, the pizza guy could not find my house because i did not think to turn the porch light on, mentally numb sometimes
hmm continuing on the screwing topic, I think the reason i had continued with my ex from about a year ago was because it was naughty and something that i should not have been doing which gave me a high and made me want it more, after i got over that i noticed that i was happier with the person i was with and did not need to screw around with my ex
questionableness is the intimacy between my boyfriend and I i love him, he loves me, at least i think that is how it is i lack the feeling of passion toward him that I had with my now ex not saying that i don't find him attractive, walked by the bedroom and he was laying in the nude and I needed to do a double take i like screwing him maybe it is because recently it has been painful for me to have intercourse so i only get annoyed at the thought of it i don't even want to cuddle with him because i know it has the possibility of getting him in the mood associating screwing with both physical and mental pain is a bad thing as long as i can avoid screwing anything for at least a week i should be good it doesn't help that i still miss my ex
which reminds me, need to have serious discussion with ex see if there is a way he can forgive and forget about the situation no regrets about it, it was something that i very much wanted to do, and i know he wanted it too just accepting that it has ended and attempting to be friends again i know i suck at doing that, but according to his friends he is usually very understanding in most situations so yes that is what i am going to do, need to visit him and have long discussion about terms of friendship argh!!!!! thought of visiting jody: ooooh jody, ooooooh screwing ooooh screwing jody sounds good
hmmmm i really need to learn to keep it in the pants but i like getting into other peoples pants sooo much
hmmm done with monster game so should go to bed
joe is in bed, he has pizza...
relationship with joe, have spent some time in same house, have not spent much time interacting, hopefully this will change a bit, I should not play monster game nearly as much, should find better multiplayer game, should play more of his card games (do i like playing card games?) ooh could play more borderlands
ok, when joe gets home tomorrow play borderlands, sounds fun, also, make sure to prep a few art samples for buttons, backgrounds, characters, and general template
mmmm i am getting some good feelings on the template right now, but i will try and wait to work on them tomorrow, hopefully i don't forget them
i like this new project he has started it has perked a lot of my interest, and reminded me of one of the reasons why i like being with him
there are many reasons i like being with him, just need to stop typing and go up there and visit with him now, he might be sleeping already, he works early...
going now
Fay Da Way · Sun Aug 21, 2011 @ 06:38pm · 0 Comments |
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