when joe gets me upset sometimes he will complain about himself being a jerk and wonder why i put up with him claims to not be romantic enough
the thing about him not being romantic all the time is that when he does something sweet it means that much more
recently he has been slightly worse than usual we were planning on moving in together but for a while he was looking for a different place than we were planning and he was telling me that he cant be with someone as unreliable as me for the next few days i was emotionally sick on the edge of crying, puking, yelling, stabbing self or someone, giving up i saw no point in life
told a friend that i had nothing to do they suggested a bunch of projects they wanted me to help with they did not seem to understand that what i meant was that i did not have anything to do that i felt was worth doing it wasn't lack of projects it was lack of ambition
in this state i noticed that i was using him as an excuse to not think into things instead of thinking why i stay alive i would just say i stay alive so that i can see him for one more day i found that he is not the reason i live, but he does make my life better
after breaking my mind and heart with telling me (not directly) that he is leaving me for a few days in a row we got really close spent every night together all luvy duvy it confused the heck out of me (i guess his being horny when i am upset did not help the situation, i will ask this again "why do guys always get extremely horny when i am feeling hurt and crying?" wink
i guess some of the reasons he wanted to break up may have been because he is afraid, being emotionally attached, living with someone new, buying a house afraid i may cheat again it did not help that his cat recently died and i was not there for him i felt terrible about his cat, but i was having sour feelings about joe at that time, so i could not get myself to visit him, i would have only been emotionless or angry if i would have visited him right away
it was nice being close and hanging out, i have not been over to his house very much recently, and for a while i was to nervous, frustrated, and afraid of upsetting him that i was unable to do anything while i was there i guess that is why i was so sour at him for a few days, bad coincidence that his cat died i miss the kitty i am only partially joking when i say that i think he loved that cat more than me but, eh, what can you do, he had it since he was a boy, i think it was 15 years old or somewhere around there
anyways back to the luvy duvyness the reason why i am writing this is because he sent me a text today all the text said was "love you"
but it came in perfect timing earlier in the day i was feeling lonely and frustrated i was planning on sending him a somewhat angry intended message asking him if he actually cares about me or if he really does want out but when i got that message, I smiled and just about broke out in tears from happiness
he always somehow seems to know exactly what to say, when to say it even when there is no prompting for him to do anything
Fay Da Way · Sun Apr 11, 2010 @ 06:45am · 0 Comments |