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is he angry or just tired?
Every time I leave my boyfriend's house I expect him to kiss me, I don't think this is to much to ask for.
I may just be over reacting
but this morning I got up and was about to leave and he just laid there he said good-bye, but he did not roll over to give me a hug or a kiss, he just laid in bed with his eyes closed it made me upset and i almost cried i need constant reassurance that I am loved i wanted my morning kiss but no he just laid there
i guess i am over reacting
he was up quite late he had to go to work in about an hour and i had woke him up early with the alarm clock for myself, and made him reset it for another half hour because i wanted a little more sleep, so he had to wake up to it twice and wake me up, even though all i had to do was drive a friend around, then i got to go back to sleep, so i was being kinda selfish i dont think he would be mad at me over that he doesn't usually get mad or upset
he doesnt get upset maybe he really doesnt now does he even care anymore last time i did something that should have made him extremely upset he said that he somewhat had expected it he said that he doesnt know if he can really care anymore i upset him enough times that he just cant get himself to care i dont know if he cares to be with me anymore he doesnt trust me anymore, i dont know if he will ever trust me again i wonder if he really hates me, but has consentrated so much on making this relationship work, that he does not realize how much he hates me i have not helped the relationship at all he plans to buy a house and have me as his first room mate, and possibly no other room mates is that his attempt to patch things up, is it locking us into a position where we both will need eachother so we wont be able to break up i feel a strong need for him already, i dont know if i could live without him also i have been feeling a bit odd, and could possibly be pregnant, i have discussed it with him, what the situation would be if i was to have a child possibly not his, he said then he will have a child, he was very first person and phrased it in a way that sounded like it would be his child, it is nice to know that he will help take care of a child if i have one (it makes me feel I need him all the more, since he is a responsible adult, rather than a guy who would claim to have nothing to do with it) but with the way he phrased it, he did not use we, he used i, which makes me feel like he is not sure if we will still be together but he will be taking atleast partial posesion of the child why am i thinking so much about children, I dont even know if i am actually pregnant, I of course hope that I am not, I can not afford that at this time
but i guess it is just strengthening the point in my mind, that no matter what happens he will be there for me inless i cheat again
why did i keep lieing to him when i never can keep my lieing a secret he would not have cared as much if i would have not lied in the first place he would have let me keep my second boyfriend if it was only to screw him, but no i fell inlove with my second boyfriend, and it is not fair to love two men, so i had to choose, i obviously chose joe, then i tried to break up with my boyfriend it did not work, i tried setting rules to make it so i could no longer see him, that did not work either, every rule i set i broke, it was running joe mad and every time i would break a rule i would try to lie about it, joe would know i am lieing, he would want to trust me, but he found that if he asked enough questions i would eventually tell him everything, he hated that i could not just come strait forward, he wondered if i was keeping anything else from him
he got so wrapped up and hurt, that he finally quit caring
i dont know if he cares now or will ever care for me but he plans to buy a house and have me in it with him so he might not feel strongly for me anymore, but he doesnt mind me being around maybe if i could atleast keep some of my promises i will probably still fail miserably
Fay Da Way · Fri Jan 15, 2010 @ 11:08pm · 0 Comments |
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