everyone is telling me that they have depression and are thinking of killing themselves
having just gotten over this empty view of self importance
i cant help but seem heartless when others tell me their woe stories
when i talk about them i talk very heartlessly i distance myself from their feelings
it is not that i dont feel their pain it is that i dont want to i dont want to have to experience it again though it is nice to know that you have some one who you can share feelings with i cant stand under the pressure all i want to do is go hide in the corner and cry
that is what i end up doing
i cry everytime somebody tells me their issues i usually dont cry infront of them i wait till i am alone
then i ask myself why could i not help them why cant i just make it a little easier on them why can i never think of the right thing to say why am i not expressive when they talk to me
i put on an act i look as tthough i do not understand it only makes them feel the need to explain further when all i want them to do is stop i iknow what they feel what they say i just want to block it out
know what? I dont know what they feel, it is imposible to feel the same as anyone else and be truely empathetic
i am shallow enough that though i say i cry for them, i dont think it is for them i am jsut crying in pitty for myself having to deal with them
i try to make myself out to be the victim, this is untrue i creat the situaion it is my falut
i cant even typle streat anymore i better get to my boyfreind berodf i cant even drive streit
i owuld like to beliefe that i ujst want everyone esle to be haappy but know i am quite usre that i aonly care fofr myslef i hate myaself for being aso selfish
i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me
im sorey to group people as everyone, but it is a group of pepole who aer most dear to me, and within a week they have all told me that they have sevear ddepression and are thinking of going through with it, and they are so good at making it feel like it is all my fault
i hate me i hate me i hate me
i really hope that they do not stop telling me their problems it givs me a sense of self importance i am their friend who can help by listening and caring i cafre dearaly for them it just hurts to here them attalk like this
Fay Da Way · Wed Dec 16, 2009 @ 06:09am · 0 Comments |