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Well, I'm probably grounded for a while. I have no idea how long I'll have my internet. Screaming at my dad and using obscenities probably wasn't the best way to keep my internet and phone priveleges. Sadly, I can't really say that I care. I'm tired of him taking everything out on my mother and me. Just because he's pissed at my ******** uncle doesn't mean that he can get pissed at us. I hadn't done s**t to him all day, until about ten minutes ago. So, if I'm not seen or heard from for 2+ weeks, you'll know why.
I'm still shaking with rage. I haven't been pissed enough to react this way in a long time. I mean, I get pissed at people, and I'll yell at them, but I've never screamed like I just got through doing. Surprisingly, my mother doesn't appear pissed at me for anything, even the stream of curses that I just yelled at my dad. They weren't serious, but I try damn hard not to swear at my parents and my family. It usually works for me on everyone but my brothers, but I hate both of them, so I don't think they count.
On a happier note, I'm on the varsity bowling team at my high school. I got the number two spot, which is pretty good considering I'm a freshman and the number one girl is a senior. She isn't that much better than I am. I'll get her spot yet. Also, I've been moved from JV to varsity Scholar's Bowl, but I won't be able to attend practices until next year due to bowling season. Why the hell do winter sports seasons and fall sports seasons overlap? It makes no sense whatsoever. Stupid ******** school officials.
On a far less happy problem, I'm getting depressed again. And it's going to be worse this time. I can tell. In about two weeks, it's gotten as bad as it was last time around, but without the S.I.I. And I'm still getting worse. I'm to the point where I can't really say that I care about anything. I haven't really smiled in a long time, it's all been forced, fake, or all-together nonexistent. I start crying over the smallest things, and I'm either not hungry or I'll feel empty and try to fill the emptiness by over-eating. It's not very healthy for me. I'm not sure if my friends have noticed or not, but I don't ever finish my lunch at school anymore, no matter how small a lunch it is. I'm hoping I can get through this. I try so hard not to fall into deeper despair, but it's hard when no one can tell something's wrong. I'm so used to faking happiness, that people just don't notice I'm not ok. It's worst in the mornings, so I can't bring myself to fake it, but when they act concerned, I do fake it, and they pass it off as me being tired. I don't want them to worry over me. I'm not worth it. I can't even take it when the people I bowl with are just teasing me. It makes me want to hide away and cry.
I'm going to end here. Anyone that reads this: don't worry, I"m not worth it. I just needed to vent. I'm out of here now. I'll be back, maybe tomorrow, maybe not. Bye all.