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Three Days Grace makes kind of a nice song, "I hate everything about you"
I started a new station on my pandora, I could not find my old one.
(for those who do not know, Pandora is a website which uses the music genome project to take input from the listeners and play music they might like, every person has their own stations made to fit their tastes. http://pandora.com/ enjoy)
Anyway....
I just started a station off of Korn and so far it has played some of my favorite songs and a load of songs that I heard before but was unsure of the artists.
Such as:
Tool, Undertow, "Sober,"
Rob Zombie, The Sinister Urge, "Scum of the Earth,"
Marlin Manson, from the disk Smells Like Children, "Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This),"
Korn, "Twisted Transistor," from their disk See You on the Other Side,
Along with other artists including:
Rob Zombie
Alice In Chains
Disturbed
Slipknot
Tool
Linkin Park
Now that I am done with my advertisement for Pandora.com I will continue with my entry...
So I was listening to Three Days Grace and one specific person kept popping into my mind. They are a person who I am very upset with almost every time I see them, but I am always so anxious and excited every chance I get to see them. I recently could not get over what felt like complete loathing for them. We talked it over and I thought we got somewhere with our conversation. I thought I might be able to just be friends with them. But I could not stop myself from saying what was on my mind. I told him, "The only problem now is that I still love you," They seemed quite frustrated and annoyed, I was a little shocked at myself for letting that escape my lips. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I just felt my love of him was holding me back from completely breaking our connection and loving someone else. He seemed so angry, when he asked, "It is a problem?" Like he thought I wanted to love him forever. But I don't know what I want and I am not prepared for a serious relationship. So why is this thing called love, or at least I think that is the feeling I am getting, and why does it hurt so much?....
OOOOoooh song change, from Somewhere I Belong (by Linkin Park) to Aerials! Yay! I love Aerials (by System of a Doown, disk: Toxicity).
Lol, I used the word love in describing music, hmmm, maybe because music has that strange effect that it can implant false emotions and make me feel like they are my own.
Yay, Getting Away With Murder! (Papa Roach)
I must be typing really slow for my music to change so many times...
What was I saying before I was interrupted...
Oh yah, something about lovedy blubedy blah blah,
If only there was a way to shut off my want of companionship and love. If I could just be indifferent of feelings of those around me, why do I still...
Change, by Deftones
...I am kinda in an odd mood, I would almost compare it to being soul less, I am trying to think of things from an objective viewpoint (or is it subjective?), and yet I don't seem to be very logical in my thinking. Especially in the fact as I am typing in my journal instead of getting work done, work doesn't really matter to me right now. All that seems to matter is emotion, which is the complete opposite of what I am trying for. The more I talk about being down the more I want to go over to my friend's house in the hopes that he will bring my mood up, but why do I think that will happen? Failure after failure of it happening before would prove the opposite of what my feelings push for.
I am going to submit this entry now and then keep typing I just don't want to loose what I already typed in case my comp freezes.
Feel So Numb, by Rob Zombie
Every time I pick up the phone and he is on the other side my heart just about skips a beat. I get excited and happy, I wonder if it is just causing me to have high expectations, then when I actually talk to him I get angry and depressed because it is no where near the good time I expected.
Maybe I should pick up the phone and expect nothing, maybe I would feel better afterward. Though this would work for me, he would probably feel worse after. Even visits turn out about the same way as this. But I continue to go. I miss him.
Immune, by Godsmack
Even when I was playing the Sims it kept reminding me of him, every time my two Sims would go to bed in the same bed, a rush of envy would go over me as I would recall the comfort of sleeping next to him. smile Envy of the Sims, that has got to be the best game ever, to those Sims you are god (not meant in a sacrilegious way, as the word will not be capitalized in this instance). The game gives a feeling of being all powerful, getting to decide if the character is happy, depressed, live or die, it is all a choice and so easily changed. If it was only that easy, being able to undo what I have done, but if I did it all over again... I do not think I would change anything.
Breath, by Breaking Benjamin
That is my favorite part of myself to hate. I like to complain, but I do not want anything changed, I just like to complain. I like filling rivers with tears of self pity. It is a feeling like no other. I am addicted to it.
Violence Fetish, by Disturbed
Every Depressing thought is like another hit of crack. Maybe that is my problem. I can not love anyone because it feels so good to hate them. And yet every time he calls I will still be excited with anticipation, and every time I will be disappointed. I love my circle of depression, it is built up so thick that it is able to protect me from any sight of truth or view of what might actually be important. Until reality strikes me I will be snuggled deep within my own thoughts. I like it there, I know it there, I will never care to leave.
Aenima, by Tool
My favorite Tool song is Vicarious, I like the idea of watching others live out their lives, for as of yet I do not have my own life. I do not consider my existence as having life with a soul as I avoid doing things for myself and try to please. The only reason why I do anything is because I am told to.
But there really is nothing I would do if I would choose to do something, maybe that is why I feel soulless. Or the soulless feeling could be because I have been told on multiple accounts that I do not have a soul *glares at Goatboy and Risu* razz don't worry, you can not break what is already broken, and I know you mean it as a joke, it just hurts when I am in a bad mood
Just Like You, by Three Days Grace
shoot I will be late on my assignment, I forgot to present it today, oh well, I could still present it, but I just can not bring myself to do it, part of it is because I keep telling myself I can not.
Killing in the Name, by Rage Against the Machine
Right now I am wrestling with myself, all I want to do is seek comfort in my friend, but that is also the last thing I want to do, they are probably happy that I have avoided visiting for the last week. I am a depressing person to be around, especially when I am in this mood.
I was feeling very upset one night and it was aimed at my friend.
a day later I was discusing it with aanother friend and they said I should have just left the situation
I did not feel like telling them this but If I was to leave the situation, that would have ment going home to my apartment where i would be alone, and have nothing to direct my anger at except myself, and I was afraid of what the consequence of that would be
My Way, by Limp Bizkit
Lol, Limp Bizkit
Wow, I like talking about myself if only I had nothing better to do I could probably do this all day, but then again, since it would be so long nobody would want to read it, but I guess there is more reason to write than to get somebody to listen.
I am going to wait for one last song, wouldn't it be fun if the mood of the song sets the pattern for the rest of my night. I guess that is the target of artists, sharing feelings by prompting others.
Last Resort, by Papa Roach
Interesting...
dramallama pirate
 Fay Da Way · Mon Mar 02, 2009 @ 08:16pm · 0 Comments |
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