Last Night Was Horible. Right After I Got Home And Was Crying Because My Dog Had Just Passed Away I Wanted Someone To Talk To, So Of Course I Got On The Comp. Because It Was To Late To Use The Phone, I Got On Msn And Changed My Name. Right When The Tears Started To Dry My Then Boyfriend, Josh, Said Hey.. I Was Really Happy To Hear From Him Because I Was Away From Him For A Total Of 3 Days And I Didn't Get To Say Goodbye To Him Sadley... Newayz I Said Hey Back... And Then He Said I Heard You Were Talking To Some Boys And I Think We Should Just Be Friends Untill We Deside To Get Back Together Again. At First I Thought Nah He's Just Joking He Seems To Joke About The Worst Things... So I Replied With A Roll Of The Eyes And A Fine. I Began From There To Start To Cry And Relised He Wasn't Joking At All... I Got Really Pissed For The Fact That I Didn't Talk To A Boy Down There (In Indiana Were Cord, My Brother Had Some Baseball Games At --I Had To Go) And Not To Mention They Were All 10 And Under... Although I'm Not Much Older Than Some Of Them I Wouldn't Even Think Of Talking To Them In The Way He Ment. He Came Back With A 'Is That An Ok?' I Couldn't Say No So I Did Say Yea.. rolleyes W/e ... I Started To Get Really Teary Eyed As My Friend Said Hey And Whats Wrong Because I Changed My Name To Like ******** You Josh And Exc. I Told Her And She Got Me Feeling Better Although Some How I Couldn't Stop The Crying. Tears Were Shedding As I Was Practicly Screaming 'Why Why? Why Me?' The Usual Brake Up Cry. She Was All He's Stupid, He Just Lost The Best Thing He Ever Had Exc. Exc. I Told Her I Needed To Go And She's All Call Me Call Me... So I Snuke Down Into My Parents Room And Grabbed The Phone, Brought It Upstairs, And Called Her.. I Was Walking Around The Hall Crying My Head Off When My Mom Came To The End Of The Stairs And Yelled 'Alicia You Get Off The Phone.. Might As Well Get Off The Computer Too!! Didn't I Say Not To Call Anyone?!? It's 12 O'Clock Young Lady Get Off!' So I Told Her I Had To Go... And Got On The Comp. And Set Myself To 'Away' Hoping She Wouldn't See And Ran Downstairs To My Big Silky Bed And Screamed Into The Pillow His Name And Began To Cry Harder And Harder.. The Most I Have EVER Cried. I Screamed And Screamed.. And The Only Thing Running Through My Mind Was I Loved Him.. I Loved Him.. And Then It Hit Me..... What If He's Seeing Another Girl... I Ran Upstairs To The Comp. And Found Out My Mom Messed With It So That I Couldn't Get On... I Ran Back Down And Jumped Onto My Bed And Began To Right In A Journal Of Mine That I Put A Few Important 'Dear Diary's' In... And Wrote About It. I Was Crying So Hard I Could Barely See What I Was Writing! Well As I Got To The Middle I Was Thinking... He Know's I Didn't Flirt With No 10 Year Old.... I Know.. He Found Some Little Hoochie That He Liked While I Was Gone And Just Didn't Wanna Tell Me So Lied And Said I Was Talking To Some Boys... Right Then I Got SOOOO Mad I Went Into The Kitchen Got A Knife And Ran Into The Bathroom, And Began Cutting My Arm Acting Like It Would Solve It All Hoping It Was All Just A Stupid Dream. I Knew It Wouldn't Help I Knew It Wasn't A Dream But Hey A Girl Can Dream Can't She? I Got Tired Of It And Put It Back In The Kitchen And Went Back To My Room... My Lil Brother, Cord, Can't Go To Sleep Alone And Mikey, Another Brother Of Mine Was Gone So He Desided He Was Sleeping With Me.. I Allowed Him To.. Bcause My New Bed Can Fit About 6 People In It.. Anyway I Hated Sleeping With Him.. Every Time I Closed My Eyes I Got Kicked In The Butt By Him! I Ended Up Throwing Him Out At About 5 In The Morning And Finally Got Some Sleep. This Morning When I Woke Nobody Was Home.. I Got Mad And Lonely At The Same Time Thinking About 'Him' Josh And Began To Cry A Bit.. I Went Upstairs And Logged Onto Msn, Since It Was Morning My Mom Fixed It Before She Left, And I Started Talking To Josh And Kelsey (My Friend) She Also Got Mad And Was All Like Lemme Have His Addy.. Please Lemme Talk To Him... Add Me To The Conversation. Because Earlier That Month Her And Her Boyfriend Were Having Problems And She Gave Me His Addy And I Fixed It Up.. I Didn't Give It To Her, I Was Scared To, From The Way She Is... She'd Find Out Where He Lived And Pop Him... Anyway He's All Telling My Why He Broke Up With Me And s**t And Then I Noticed His Name It Said 'Josh & Autumn' ALREADY! He Found Another Girl.. He's All What So A Girl Asked Me Out.. That Led Me Back To What I Thought He Broke Up With Me For Last Night.. For Some Little Hoochie Moma He Found While I Was Gone.. Which Led To Him Maybe Cheating On Me.. I Was Tore Up! Anyway Later That Day He Was All No It's Not Like That She Asked Me Out Today.. I Started To Believe Him And Now.. Were Cool... Yeah I Know. Kelsey Almost Hurt Me After I Told Her We Were Cool Again But.. She Didn't Thankfully.. I Talked To My Brother This Morning After Me And Josh Stopped Talking And Asked Him If He Knew Anything.. Because Josh Had Said Along With His Brother, Jordy (Which I For Some Gross And Weird Reason Have An On And Off Crush On Him whee ) That Mikey, My Brother Told Them I Was Talking On The Phone With Another Guy While We Were Still Dating... He Said No.. I Told Them That Alicia (Me) Talked To A Guy On The Phone Before Yall Even Started Dating!! Which I Don't Know How Got Brought Up But Still.. I Got Mad At Josh Again And Told Him Mikey Said He Doesn't Know What You Were Talking Bout.. He Didn't Say That.. He Said 'O I Know' ?!?!?!?!!?? I'm So Confused Now.. But I Know 1 Thing For Sure... I'M NEVER GOING BACK OUT WITH JOSH RICE AGAIN!!!! Period.
D.e.p.r.e.s.s.i.o.N. · Tue Jul 19, 2005 @ 01:30am · 0 Comments |