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I want a child. My fiancee does too. I'm in school. Fine. I will handle it. Screw what my parents and his think. We don't care. My issue is, we've been trying for three months and it just isn't happening. just needed someone to talk to...

Discuss:
Thoughts?

I don't know where to start. As Lorien mentioned, I'm not sure what you want us to discuss either. So I'll just go through everything that comes to mind.

First, saying "Screw what my parents and his think" screams of a child throwing a temper tantrum, to be honest. It screams of someone throwing a fit and being a rebel and doing whatever they want because it's what they want, regardless of how smart it may or may not be. It doesn't sound like you or your fiance have thought about what's best for the baby, and instead are saying "Well we want to have a baby so we're going to have a baby, so there!"

Second, can you two actually support a child at this point? Finances, schooling, etc? If you alienate your family and his by not listening to what they think is best for you, will you have their support later on if things fall through and you need help? Do you know where to get welfare and food stamps if you need them? Many families in here and in the GPG have support from the military when it came to raising their families, so if your husband is in the military, you can try talking to some of the GPG members who're also members of this guild.

What about having a job that pays enough to actually raise a baby? Do you or your fiance have a decent job that you can count on to use as an income? What happens if you/your fiance lose your job before/after the baby is born? Do you have insurance that can help to pay the fees and bills associated with having a baby (doctors fees, medical bills like for the delivery, etc)? Do you have enough money to buy supplies for the baby, let alone all of the diapers and formulas and other things you'll need once the baby is actually born?

Your profile says you're a full-time student - if you have a baby, where will an education fit into your plans? Will one of you drop out of school to raise the baby while the other goes to school? Will you take turns? How will you juggle 5 classes while raising a newborn? Will your fiance go to school at some point? If you and/or him drop out, when will you return to school?

Third, is having a baby right now right for the baby? Can you be around to care for it, provide for it, give it what it needs without completely screwing over your life and your fiance's life in the process? Do you have a support system to help you cope with a newborn (family and friends, and so on)?

What happens if your relationship with your fiance falls through? What if having a baby puts so much stress on you two that you break up? What will your family and his family say if you have a baby before getting married? Where would wedding plans fit in around having a baby - would you get married before or after, and who will pay for the wedding?

Why do you have to have a baby RIGHT NOW? Why can't it wait until you're older, you have some schooling under your belt, and more money, or a better job? Are you living at home right now, or are you two out living on your own? To have a baby when you're on your own is one thing, to have one while living with parents/relatives/someone else is completely different.

And if you're living with someone (parents, relatives, etc), are they ok with you bringing in a baby to THEIR household? Will you be able to afford a baby while paying for rent and groceries? If you're living on your own, same thing - can you afford to pay the rent and pay for food on your table, and then have money left over for the baby, let alone any other luxuries you may want?

I would say wait, to be honest. So far, nothing really stood out as being ok to say "Ok, go ahead and have a baby." All it seems like so far is you two sticking your heads in the sand and saying "We're going to have a baby no matter what our families or anyone else says!", which is to be blunt is pretty stupid, not to mention irresponsible if you're talking about bringing another life into the world which YOU TWO would be responsible for.

Or if you want our opinions, give us more information about your situation with your fiance so we don't all say "Wait until you're older and/or in a better position in life". It's hard to give an opinion based on the little you've said so far.


Other threads you might want to take a look at are this one and this one, as both are somewhat related to the situation you're in (especially the first thread).

No offense, but that statement just screams selfish to me. I'm not sure it's a great idea to have a child on those premises. That's the first thing you type versus how much you want to share your love with a baby or something with more positivity to it?

That isn't a good attitude at all. You sound like a child screaming because you're not getting the toy you want.

You can't be a child and want a child, it won't work that way. You have to be more mature or at least mature enough not to have the viewpoint that you do.

Wait until you're out of school, trust me. And you should talk to your parents before you do something that drastic! You could ruin your life not to mention an innocent child's life. Don't do something stupid. Wait until you're in a better position in life and make a good amount of money every month and have your own place of some sort.

@Nikolita: xD The only difference is that I care what my Mommy thinks =D And I don't need to think what Mike's parents would do because I know xP If it happens, it'll happen by accident and we're taking precautions(as much as we can right now, anyway)to make sure nothing like that happens.

xD I'm not offended! I feel speshul that you used me as an example lol

To the OP, I'd want my parents input and I'll appreicate it, of course, but you can't take all of it. But all the same, you can't ignroe your parents and leave them out. They are your parents no matter what and they (should) want what's best for you. You should let them talk to you about it.

After all, they raised you so that makes at least one baby. And you've raised none so far? Trust me sweetie, get their input before you do it.

A lot of things are workable, but that does not mean they are good ideas. You haven't given us too many details to go on here, but I can't imagine why you would have to have a baby right now and cannot wait until after you graduate. Are you going to have loans to pay off after graduation? Are you going to miss school when you are actually having the baby? Are you sure you will have time to go to school, work, and take care of a baby?

Yeah, kind of to add to what others already wrote, those school run daycares (unless it's at a community college) are usually better than another place to go, but cause of this they have really long waiting lists and are expensive. I go to a state university with about 25,000 students. There's at least a one year (sometimes three year) wait to get kids into the daycare. My friend works at a public (not as large) university's daycare at UMKC, and they have a two year wait. Tuition is so expensive that she can't even afford to put her son in it even with the discount she receives from working there.

Then family housing at colleges often is more expensive than renting an off-campus place and not as nice. When my aunt was in grad school, her and her husband had to wait one year just to get a place that was open.

Gov. resources are there for those who need them, but shouldn't be abused by those who have a choice in the matter to not use them. As you don't even have a kid yet, I'd say you still have a choice. Guess who's footing the bill for these services? The tax-payers of your state.

It's really hard to go to school, work and be a parent. I know plenty of people who've done it, including my father and close friends, but it's not without a lot of sacrifice. Imagine working 8-4, then going to class from 5-9, then you get to come home, your baby is probably asleep by then, and the few hours you still have before you're tired, that's what you get to spend with your partner. Now, if it's just for grad school (like my dad) for a year or two, then it's not that big of a deal. But, for four years, when you're only 18? It can be done, but it's probaby not what's best if you have a choice in the matter.

I agree with you, but actually most of the people I know who grew up in daycare came from professional parents. Most low-income parents couldn't afford it, so the kids are raised by stay-at-home moms or relatives. My boyfriend spent 2 hours before school in daycare and until 6 or 7 after school at daycare as a kid. He'll readily admit to being "raised by daycares." His parents make A LOT of money and have advanced college degrees and didn't have him till they were in their mid 30s. His parents did a great job and he turned out fine, but I'm not sure if that's how I want my kids to be raised.

My mom (who's also a professional) chose to stay home and raise me, and because of this I'm a little bothered by what I'll do when I have kids. It's so hard to make that decision. I wish we lived in a world where job sharing or men working part time was acceptable, but we just don't, so I'll see what happens when the time comes.