Welcome to Gaia! ::

Revenant

Back to Guilds

The worlds of the Paranormal are at war. Vampires, Lycans, Elves, and more battle as Humanity struggles to survive. Where will you stand? 

Tags: fantasy, werewolves, role playing, vampires, magic 

Reply ❧ P r e l i m e n a r y - P r o f i l e s
Commander Vincent Knight - Human

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Shroud Sakai

Friendly Elder

7,400 Points
  • First step to fame 200
  • Befriended 100
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 8:31 pm


Character Name ♦
User Image
Main
Name: Vincent Knight
Alias: Commander White Knight
Alliance: Humans and Lycan
Race: Human
Sub-Race: Sorcerer

❧Physical Characteristics
Age: 32
Hair: White
Eyes: Yellow
Skin Tone: Lightly tanned
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Scars, Birthmarks, Tattoos: Tattoo of a flame on the back of the neck.
Height: 5'11"
Weight: Unknown
Marital Status: Married
Physical Structure: Muscular
Orientation: Straight

❧Personal Info
❖Transcripts:
Alignment: Good
Criminal Record: None
Level of Education: Collegial
If Collegial:
Current Occupation: None
Past Occupations: None
Family:
Vincent Knight I - The first Vincent and father to Vincent Knight II. He was killed years ago.
Artemis Knight - Originally Violet Knight, she changed her name to the Goddess' name Artemis, due to her unbelievable skill with a bow. She was killed years ago.
Lovers, Friends, and Others:
Zach - A frozen fury among fighters in the southern hemisphere. Codenamed: Zero
Hera - A demonic mistress who delights in nothing less than fighting tough fights. Codenamed: Vectress

❖Personal:
Personality: Knight is very serious when it comes to diplomacy and honor. He'll greet anyone he meets with a firm handshake and introduce himself as Commander Knight. Combat wise he's not so friendly, and he mostly let's the buster sword he carries do the talking.
People Skills: Friendly to anyone he meets for the first time.
Goals: Protect the weak from the evil.
Fears: Ice, and bats
Favorites: Steak and fish, a little rum and vodka never hurt either.
Role Model: Prison Warden - IronClaw
Catch Phrase/Motto: None

❧Skills,Abilities, and Powers
Skills:
Leadership - Vincent exhibits tremendous leadership skills in times of peril.
Tactical Advantage - Vincent can usually identify a weak spot fairly quick, and figure out a way to use it just as fast.
Abilities:
Acrobat - Very agile and quick on his feet.
Silence - Whenever Vincent calms his mind, his senses double in strength. He can hear a whisper in a crowded room, or pick out the poison in two vials of liquid simply by looking at both once.
Powers: Elemental
Fire Control
Mind Magic - Mind-reading, Telekineses, Mind Control, Confusion
Weaknesses:
-Mortal Weaknesses
-Ice
Technology/Weapons/Pharpenilia:
-Blind, Sword of the Magician (Compass of Seidh sword on back)
-Blackwing Bow



History
Vincent was once the helper of two honest parents who traveled far and wide across the land. His father was a magician of great standings, he knew so many tricks and even used real magic in a lot of his tricks. His mother, was a hunter of top rank, her aim with the Blackwing Bow gave her the nickname "Dead-Eye" Violet. Though she never used the name it was how she was addressed. One day while his father was out performing for some on lookers in a town not far from their home, and his mother was off on a bounty hunt for the location of a Vampyre Coven, Vincent was left alone to his thoughts. He was never magically talented like his father, or skilled like his mother in the ways of the hunt, but one thing he did like to do, was make armor. Cardboard, simple paper, or sometimes aluminum armor. Vincent was always tinkering with new designs, and always drew them out, keeping track of what designs failed and which ones were awesome looking and/or practical. For one so young, he was incredibly smart... can't remember how old he was at the time... maybe 8? Anyway, that was his thing.

In the midst of the silence, Vincent have created and drawn out the perfect design for armor. It was Hellfire armor, as he so named it. It was embroidered with signs and symbols of fire and flame, but the entire suit was white, even the battle skirt and mask was white. The startled Vincent was interrupted by the door smashing open, and his father running in with a bloody Violet in his arms. "VINCENT! Get your things! We are leaving! NOW!" he shouted. Frantically the father ran around grabbing clothes and food rations, while Vincent didn't ask questions, and simply gathered his drawings and clothes as well. But as soon as they'd made it out the door, it was too late. The coven Artemis was looking for had followed her home, after nearly killing her the first time. The leader walked forward, and pointed a cold steel blade at the father, who issued a violent threat. The leader did not take this too well, and thrust forward, sending the blade through his skull killing him instantly. Artemis could do nothing, and fell with her husband to the ground. The leader walked up and grabbed her under her chin, facing her eyes to his. "Nice try... " he murmured, and ran the blade through her neck, slicing her head clean off.

Vincent could not believe it. His parents were slaughtered and he was to be next. He sobbed lightly, and fell to the ground, staring at the dead parents before him, then looking at the leader. Thinking it was the end Vincent fainted right there, hoping to have a quick and painless death, but the Vampyres had other plans. They left... leaving the family there with nothing, burning the home and destroying all of the possessions inside, as well as taking all the family had on them, including the drawings of Vincent, as well as the armor he'd already made.

Hours later, Vincent awoke, and did not want to look around, for the fear kept crawling back. Nothing... he had nothing now. Staggering to his feet, Vincent knew what he had to do, and wouldn't like it. As best he could, he gave Vincent and Violet a proper burial. Oddly enough, while Vincent must have been crying near the graves for hours, a man approached, he was tall and had an abundance of fur about him. "Killed huh? Not easy, I know kid... Hmm... come on, i'll take you with me to my home, we'll keep you safe." the man said. He was no stranger to this, he knew the Vampyres did it and knew they'd come back soon to kill the boy. Under his wing though... Vincent was safe.

The man lead Vincent to a camp of Lycan, on the outskirts of a small town called Oakwood (bs-ing names here) and told his leader of what happened. Vincent went before the leader who began with a lengthy speech. It had something to do with the fact that they should kill both of them right there, the Lycan for bringing a human outsider in to their camp, and the human himself because he was human, this particular group did not care for humans all that much. But for someone with so much trauma in his young life already, they took mercy upon him and let him stay in the camp for as long as he wanted. Vincent went under the teachings of the Lycan who'd found him, training him to fight, training him in many styles of martial arts, self-defense, weapon combat, accuracy training, etc.

Vincent hadn't seen another human in a long time. He'd been convinced that he was meant to have his parents killed, that it was fate that he ended up with the Lycans. But this was only his interpretation of the matter.

Now, 32 years of age, Vincent finally created the armor he'd sketched out that fateful day, using memory, and what little sketches he'd hidden all those years. When he put on that mask, that single golden yellow eye showing through, he'd felt so much stronger. It was more than armor though. At the request of Vincent, who'd asked this of the leader of the Lycans, the armor was endowed with magical symbols for flame and ruin and fire, like his drawings. This, coupled with a gift passed down from his father, produced what can only be described as a hell-blaze. observing the armor, he noticed it felt quite warm inside, and two small fires blazed in his palms. pointing them both skyward, they combined into a massive fireball, illuminating the entire area. The entire group of Lycans looked on in aw and wonder at the sight that truly needed to be seen to be believed.

Shaking the hand of the elder of the Lycan pack one final time, he disembarked from the camp, and left, feeling his time with them had finished and he needed to go. They told him he was always welcome there, which he was grateful for. Now, a nomad, Vincent wanted to see the world and all of it's wonders... but there was one place he need to go to first.

The grey tombstones lay untouched by time. It's as if they were only put down a day before. Kneeling, Vincent closed his eyes and began to pray. Paying his respects. Standing, he noticed something quite odd, and inspected his mother's gravestone. Upon it with a small clump of dirt, normally would have been ignored, but nestled in it was a small ring. The ring his mother wore... the ring of the warrior. Seeing the remnants of the home... the ground it stood on, Vincent had an odd thought, and decided to explore. He looked around, searching all of the ground for something, anything. And finally he found it. Buried, only a few inches underground after stepping on the sturdy frame, was his mother's bow, Blackwing. The bow used by her to slay so many Demons and Vampyres. Clenching it in his left hand, he drew the string with his right and pulled it back as far as he could, pretending to knock an arrow. Flames spewed out and a fire arrow rested itself upon the bow's arrow rest. This... made Vincent smile.

That was the last time he'd been home. Believe it or not he has yet to take his vengeance upon the coven who took his parent's lives, but he feels it's not worth it right now. For now... he's going to wander the world and protect who he can. Not as Vincent Knight, Pyro Archer or some made up crap like that. No, as White Knight, Commander of the Flame.
Theme Song:
None
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 9:06 pm


Hey, dude. I've noticed you've been having a little trouble on the character-creating scene, and so far you've gotten quite a lot of critiquing... But not quite as much as far as suggestions for improvement goes. So instead of 'tearing your character to shreds,' I'm gonna go over some of the rougher patches and suggest pieces for you to smooth over with details or such. Minor edits, for real. Promise. Maybe.

First off, I'd just like to let you know that this is a step above what we've seen so far, in terms of workability within the guild. So congratulations on that. It does seem a BIT rushed, but it's not necessarily BAD. So let's move on to the 'problem spots,' shall we?

1. The name. Dude. I know I'm not too great with names either, but really. Reaver Moonshadow? It's one of those names that sounds cool in your head, then you put it down on paper and realize it's generic and cliche. It's alright, it happens to all of us... But seriously. A scythe-wielding lycan named "Reaver Moonshadow?" His name doesn't have to reflect who or what he is so... Precisely. Know what I mean? It's okay to have a less-cool sounding name, I promise. That doesn't mean you CAN'T have a cool-sounding name, of course... Just don't try so hard to make it sound cool that it ends up being more strained than an Evanescence song forced through a wet sponge.

2. Strictly from the Alignment, Family, Lovers, and Personality... The dude is boring as hell. Not just as a character, but as a person. You even said so yourself, he's dull. That's not... Boring doesn't make for good storytelling, bro. And that's all this is. Storytelling, with turn-taking. If your turn is boring every single time, you'll get bored of it really, REALLY quick. You might want to give him SOME kind of spark to hold interest. Maybe he had a lover in the past, who died horribly or left him for someone else, and that's why he's so reclusive? Maybe he had some sort of uber-traumatic incident, and that explains his aversion of people... Because certain things in society might cause a flashback to that incident?

3. His only goal is to make an indestructible sword. While that's not a bad goal in and of itself, it's kind of... Well, it makes sense in the context of the character, I guess. Even though your dude prefers scythes (which I'll never understand... They're so freaking unwieldy compared to swords), creating an indestructible sword is basically like a mark of being a master smith. Maybe 'to become a master smith' would be a better goal than 'to create an indestructible sword.' Why does he want the sword in the first place? If you mention something in the character's profile, it's got to be relevant to the character somewhere down the line. Otherwise there's no point in saying it in the first place. You get what I'm saying?

4. I'd like a little more explanation about this 'Darkfire' from Hell. What can it do? How is it any different from regular fire? Also, I don't think leaving why he can access these powers unexplained is a good idea. If he can do it, HE doesn't have to know why... But YOU do, and WE do too. Might want to think about that a bit. ALSO! The jumping thing... Estimating that the average lycan can jump three times higher than humans (who average at 20 in.), that's about 5 feet high. So you're saying your dude can jump 15 feet into the air. Which would be jumping from the ground to the top of this Optimus Prime statue. And your explanation for this? Because he's 6'2" tall. Bro, we've got a 6'5" lycan in the guild already, and s/he (the issue is a little complicated, really) can't jump 15 feet into the air. Height wouldn't be the reason for such great hops. I'm not really saying NO to this, since we've got characters who can fly and such- jumping 15 feet isn't really a big deal. But you need a better reason than "he's tall, so he must be able to jump well."

5. You got the weaknesses right, so this is actually a compliment rather than a suggestion. Let's keep that intact, huh?

6. Ah, The Ripper. Such a cliche name for such a ridiculous weapon. No offense, bro. But this isn't an anime, despite quite a few of the pictures in use appearing so. I won't argue with the use of a scythe as a weapon; as unwieldy as they are, they can be quite effective if used properly. However, a scythe that is more than twice the size of the wielder, with a blade even longer than the handle and curving down at that angle? That's not unwieldy, that's plumb stupid. Plus it must weigh a ton. Not literally, and being a lycan and all he could handle the weight- but it'd be slow as crap, and not much good in a fight. I'm not saying trash the scythe idea, I'm saying make it so your scythe doesn't get you killed because it's freakishly shaped.

That's about it as far as specific problems go. However, I've noticed a much more general problem, a sort of 'overarching theme' when it comes to your problems with making characters.

You're focusing so hard on making your character 'cool,' it winds up being totally obvious that you're trying to make them cool. And trying to be cool = lameness. My advice? Forget about coolness. Achieve coolness through the story- make your character average-ish, and make them cool through what they do and how they do it, rather than their name and the weapon they use. Cool?

Anyway, so ends my two cents' worth of input on this character. If I missed anything, the other Crew or VCs will assuredly point it out... But keep those things in mind as you edit this guy (or, if you're dead-set on a new character, while you make him).

ONE LAST THING! It's okay to take your time with these guys. Don't be afraid to take a break to think something over- sometimes all it takes is a few minutes of mulling it over or even just forgetting about it completely for you to realize something, have an epiphany, make a minor modification, and improve your character a ridiculous amount just from a moment of thought. You don't have to hurry to fill out your character profile.

EDIT: Thought of one more thing. When you're making these profiles, do your best to make them believable. And I don't mean that in terms of what they can do, but in terms of who they are. If you start out by making these people realistic in the way they think and feel, it'll be a lot easier and a lot more fun to work with them... And some of that effort you're putting towards being 'cool' might leak over, making for interesting character development. Just a suggestion.

Epic Irony

Profitable Prophet


Textbook Dreamer
Crew

Sparkly Lunatic

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 8:33 am


I'm sorry, but I am going to have to ask that you at least look at the Magic page here. Here try to follow what's posted here for magic.
1. Darkfire sounds like Hellfire, which can only be accessed by the Fallen, Grigori, and Elder Lycans. Both of which require an application...or Elemental. Either way please check out the magic.

Also, he's a Lycan. This page has all of the powers of a Lycan, and you didn't list them.
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 8:07 pm


There you go, real as hell so far.

Please note my ironic statement, i'm making the assumption that something wrong will be found.

No i'm not pissed at anyone/thing, truth be told i'm not too thrilled to be alive right now. So why don't we just use THIS profile, instead of another bullshit one, which is pretty much the best I can do. White Knight is one of the only humans in my series that i've never used. He's strong and fast in a legitimate use of both terms, and can do all things i've stated so far.

Let's judge what i've got, then i'll add more.

Shroud Sakai

Friendly Elder

7,400 Points
  • First step to fame 200
  • Befriended 100

Oncaro

Hilarious Genius

2,475 Points
  • Dressed Up 200
  • Hygienic 200
  • Autobiographer 200
PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 1:40 am


Shroud Sakai


Hmm. The only thing I can find wrong so far is his allegiance; there is not a single entity that can be aligned with every faction, because these factions all have various, conflicting goals; and besides, I think the Shining Ones are out to destroy humanity, so I don't see why he'd be aligned with them.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 6:07 pm


Oncaro
Shroud Sakai



Shining Ones are out to destroy Demons/Paranormals. There whole goal is to purge the world of those races. They don't harm humans and think they are protecting them.

Textbook Dreamer
Crew

Sparkly Lunatic


Oncaro

Hilarious Genius

2,475 Points
  • Dressed Up 200
  • Hygienic 200
  • Autobiographer 200
PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 7:42 pm


Textbook Dreamer

Shroud Sakai


Got it, though it still doesn't change the fact that he can't be aligned with every faction.
PostPosted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 1:20 pm


Alright edited.

I'm lazy and will add more later.

Shroud Sakai

Friendly Elder

7,400 Points
  • First step to fame 200
  • Befriended 100

Shroud Sakai

Friendly Elder

7,400 Points
  • First step to fame 200
  • Befriended 100
PostPosted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 7:00 pm


Added history
PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 5:34 pm


Meow~

Shroud Sakai

Friendly Elder

7,400 Points
  • First step to fame 200
  • Befriended 100
Reply
❧ P r e l i m e n a r y - P r o f i l e s

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum