Anti-Twilight Critic Bites Back
By Patrick Boos
When you think of the vampire movie genre, you think of the best vampire movies that have come out. With movies such as
Buffy the Vampire Slayer,
Underworld,
From Dusk Till Dawn,
Bram Stoker's Dracula, and
Interview with a Vampire. There is one movie that shouldn't be named with the rest of those, though, and that movie is
Twilight.
Twilight shouldn't have ever been in that genre.
Twilight was one of the worst movies that has ever been created and honestly, the books are not any better. The books are nothing but Anne Rice copycats that are written on a fourth grade reading level. I can completely describe
Twilight's full story line in one sentence: It's about a girl who can't decide what law she would like to break; necrophilia or bestiality.
The dialogue in the movie was horrible, and they tried to base the movie off the book itself isn't any better. How can you really start a movie off with "I always thought about how I would die,"? Are you serious? That isn't how you want to start a movie; it sounds more like how you would want to start a suicide note.
"So the lion fell in love with the lamb," said Edward. "What a stupid lamb," replied Bella. "What a sick masochistic lion," said Edward. Seriously, please, someone pass me a vomit bag before I throw up all over my keyboard.
The character portrayals are terrible. Bella is portrayed as 17-year-old brunette who keeps to herself at first even though the guys in Forks, WA, for some reason or another, are immediately smitten with her. To me though, that doesn't sound right. Bella is as dumb as a rock, and her actions toward her stalker Edward show that. She should be a blonde for the idiotic things that she does. She falls for a pale-skinned guy who never comes out during good weather, then stalks her and watches her sleep for a couple of months before they really begin their relationship.
This needs to be clarified before I go on, for all those out there that believe this is a rant by a closet
Twilight fan then you are wrong. This is just something that has needed to be said. The whole
Twilight phenomenon has been getting on my nerves ever since its creation. It got worse when all the girls went crazy for the books and movie.
When she realizes that Edward and all the Cullen's are vampires she continues to hang around them, she doesn't go to the cops or anything! Her own dad is a cop and she doesn't tell him. Because of many of the moves that she makes and when she just stares at the camera or when she stutters her lines, she seems empty headed. Then again, maybe it is just Kristen Stewart's bad acting.
Again, I will say it; Edward Cullen is nothing but a pale-skinned, soft spoken, sleep-watching stalker that should be arrested for his intense obsession with a minor. His grimy, never-wash-my-hair look makes him look like a Kurt Cobain rip off. Robert Pattinson's acting and portrayal of a vampire was about as believable as Eddie Murphy's in
A Vampire in Brooklyn.
One of the worst parts of this franchise is of the vampire's weaknesses. They can't go out into the sunlight because their skins turns to diamonds and they become sparkly.
I'm going to let you think about that concept for a second; Edward can't go into the sunlight because he turns sparkly. I really wonder what Stephanie Meyer was thinking, or perhaps what she was on when she wrote that part into the story.
If Meyer was trying to make the story less intense for young viewers, then she failed. Put a rating label on the book if you don't want the little kids to be scared of the frightening images. If that is really the case then she should've changed the final fight scene between Edward, Bella, and James and made that less violent also.
Stephanie Meyer said she wants her vampires to be different than all of the rest. That's good and all, but to me, there is a fine line between different and completely stupid, especially if you don't explain why they are like that.
The traditional vampires can't go into the sunlight because it kills them, and they mostly turn into ashes like in
Interview with a Vampire. So what is the purpose if him becoming sparkly? That sounds like a last second idea that doesn't eve make sense and seems to not even fit in with the whole story.
On to Jacob, and there are only a few things that you can really say about him; the werewolf side of him speaks for itself and he is there to protect Bella against the vampires. It's too bad that he isn't smart enough to teach her not to be stupid.
In my opinion he isn't a relevant subject. Even in the movie, he sounds like filler because he has a tan and a 6-pack; that right there should show he is only there for the naive teenage girls that love a guy that has no brain but is all brawn. In all honesty I think he would look better as a werewolf, stuffed and mounted on someone's mantel piece as a trophy kill.
For the teenage girls, guys that stalk you and looks like a bum and that hasn't showered in months, are not good for you. Nine times out of ten he's going to end up killing you on night you are sleeping. So all of you dreaming for a stalker like Edward to come and sweep yo off your feet, yeah that's not happening and will only end up leaving you in a case of unsolved murders. So my message to all the
Twilight fans out there: Wake up and get real. Bring on the mob.
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