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[Q] Sailor Aci, Senshi of Explosions (Crit it, please~?)

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Daekie

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2010 8:07 am


PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2010 8:55 am


Name: Cherry Ember Reeves

Nickname: Call her anything besides Ember, if you're not a close friend, family member, or teacher, and she'll punch you. :< Calling her Cer is okay sometimes.

Age: 18 and a half

Birthday: August 30th

Sign: Virgo

Gemstone: Peridot

Blood Type: O

Fav. Food: Cherry loves cherries and chocolate, but in the realm of more healthy things, she likes buttered pasta and turkey/chicken pot pies. Sweet potatoes are yummy too.

Hated Food: Avocados, mushrooms, beef, pork, pencils...there are many things Cherry doesn't eat.

School: Sovereign Heights Prep School

Hobbies:
crafting: Okay, yeah, Cherry is terrible at crafts. But they're fun! She has about a hundred (likely more) crafts of all sorts in her old room from when she lived with her parents, and her apartment is slowly losing space to the many things Cherry creates. As a child, Cherry went to all the craft-making events at stores, bought all the modelling clay and painting kits from the store, and adored art class with a passion. She loved tinkertoys, Legos, and was one of the people who works on a marshmellow-and-toothpick sculpture for hours on end. Something about crafts just appeals to Cherry, even though she hoards them to herself.

the internet: No, it's not for porn. Cherry loves watching videos, posting on blogs, and webcomics. She will make references to things far more than is normal. And she will spend lots of time on the computer. (Pffft, she totally doesn't love or have a membership to jumpstart.com and play on there every day (she does), and she totally didn't love AQW before they redid it (she did).)

poetry: A suprisingly calm hobby, Cherry loves writing poetry. Haiku, rhyming, limericks...it doesn't matter, they're all fun to write and read! She won a nation-wide poetry contest in fifth grade, and has kept going since then. Reading poetry is also fun.

stuffed animals: A total guilty pleasure. Cherry has about the entire collection of Webkinz, she built a million things at Build-A-Bear; and she just tends to go nuts for small, fluffy plushies. As nobody ever comes over to her apartment, she has about twenty plushies in each room-and it's like...five rooms.

Virtues:
unique/friendly: Cherry is an outgoing girl. She always makes an attempt to stand out, and always makes what she does unique-although your definition on unique may vary on what she does. And she does try to do this, in case you wondered. Everything she does, she makes an effort to stand out from the crowd of average people.
By doing this, she may distance herself from the popular crowd-but she's met the odd crowd, and they are people she likes. She's just so easy to find a common like in, sometimes-to very friendly towards other people. Although she may not like clothes or nails or fashion or the latest TV show, and is so shamefully ungeeky, Cherry will never shove you away. But she's not sure how to be friendly, so it just turns out as being rude.
(She's outgoing to hide how insecure she is. For the girl who stands out isn't teased as much as the girl who keeps to herself and stays shy.)

dependable friend: If you're her friend, Cherry will be there for you, no matter when or where. No matter what you do, she cares about you-after all, you're her friend. "Friends will bail you out of jail-best friends will sit in there next to you and laugh about what you guys just did."
This goes double for Cherry. If you're ridiculed; being accused of drug use; she'll still stand up for you. If you're sick, she'll head out to a store at midnight to buy you medicine and sit by you until you're better.

critical thinker: Cherry's a good thinker. Give her a few things, and she'll reach a conclusion quickly-and usually be right, unless it involves herself. She thinks fast, she reacts fast, and her logic abilities are often amazing. (Not to mention weighing the pros and cons of a situation is done fairly easily.) She thinks quickly, although not too thoroughly, and her ability to think well is severely diminished if she has to move.

Flaws:
self-conscious: Although with all her tattoos, you'd think that Cherry wouldn't care about her appearance. She does. She doesn't think she's a strong enough Senshi, she doesn't think she's pretty, she doesn't think she's smart enough to get through college. And being a Senshi? That just added a ton of insecurity to her soul. You may think that your insults don't affect her, but you're wrong-Cherry goes home and cries some days.
She's outgoing to hide how insecure she is. For the girl who stands out isn't teased as much as the girl who keeps to herself and stays shy.

slacker: You wouldn't think an outgoing person could be this lazy. But it's possible. Cherry hates giving anything effort, because she'd much rather play on her computer all day-who cares if she has an unwritten five-page essay due tomorrow? She's chatting! She'll write the essay later, of course, but it will get a B-. Not good, but not bad-in her grades, Cherry is quite average. As a Senshi, even, she doesn't try too hard.

realistic/pessimistic: You idiot; the good guys never win-such is Cherry's outlook on life. Cherry knows that expecting her to graduate college perfectly won't happen unless she tries. She has no illusions about her abilities-she thinks she knows exactly what she can do and what she can't, and the list of 'what she can't do' is higher than you think.

rude: Cherry has a fairly dirty mouth. She curses, she's not afraid to tell you what she thinks of you, and is just generally rude overall. She never hesitates to insult or say a disgusting remark-in elementary, it marked her as 'one of the guys', but now she's just seen as the rude girl. Nobody wants to be her friend. She's not so sure how to be friendly, so it usually comes out as rude!
The only ones free from this are teachers, because Cherry does not want to fail school.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Her eyes are #b0b0b0. Lashes are naturally beautifully long.

Hair: Her hair is long and wavy on the left side, with bangs almost covering her eye; and the right side is cut quite short, leaving her with just the tiniest amount of bangs and her hair going a half-inch before the top of her neck. Her hair is pale pink.

Face: Cherry has a heart-shaped face. She has a tattoo of a butterfly behind her right ear in #ff8f14, and she has three stars behind her left ear-each #ababab. Cherry also has a star tattoo tattooed around her right wrist like a bracelet, and around her left ankle. She has three silver stud earrings in each ear.
Her nose is small, and her mouth average.

Clothes: N/A SHP student. Cherry wears hi-tops; but they're partially unlaced and the laces are tied around her ankle, like a ballet shoe. She also wears the dress with the neckbow.

Fashion: Cherry actually has a lot of bright pink ankle-length skirts with sequins sewed onto them. She tends to go for oversized t-shirts for designs on them-a large white tshirt with butterflies, a purple shirt with sparkles, and a dark green camo shirt with the words 'you will do as I command' in pink? All in her wardrobe!
Cherry detests zip-up pants. As such, she ends up wearing a lot of skirts-with bike shorts underneath, of course-and a lot of pants with stretch waists.

Living Options: Cherry lives in a creatively-shaped building, which was partially built by her dead uncle. She took a few shots of it with her cellphone to show off.

Personality Sidenotes:
Cherry hangs out with Norma a lot, but besides that, she's pretty shunning of relationships. Her first boyfriend cheated on her, and she beat him up. (Cherry has an unorthodox style of fighting-she's fast, and she can throw a punch, but she's never taken a class.) She hasn't pursued romance for three years.

Cherry hangs out with the crowd of loners and geeks. She's surprisingly ungeeky.

Cherry's average grade is a B minus-decent, but not too good or too bad. In math and science, her grades continue to pull her down.

There is a reason for Cherry's tattoos. She wanted to stand out, she wanted to be seen as strong, and she just wanted to be free. She would like to show that she doesn't do sadness, that she's free from worries...but, truthfully, she isn't and never will be.
"Awful sweet to be a little butterfly
just winging over things
and nothing deep inside.
Nothing going going wild in you
you know
you're slowing by the riverside
or floating high and blue
Or maybe cool
to be a little summer wind
like once through everything
and then away again
With the taste of dust
in your mouth all day
but no need to know
like sadness
you just sail away

Cause you know
I don't do sadness
not even a little bit
Just don't need it in my life
don't want any part of it
I don't do sadness
hey I've done my time
looking back on it all
then it blows my mind
I don't do sadness
so been there
Don't do sadness
just don't care
"

Daekie

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Daekie

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2010 2:34 pm


CHALLENGE
If art's an explosion, your death will be beautiful!

Attack 1: Explosive Punch! A Normal Attack!
Aci punches something or someone as she shouts the name of the attack, creating a force similar to a small explosion from where her fist lands. This injures her as well, but less than it would a Lieutenant.
Attack 1b: Explosion Fist! A Super Attack!
Aci punches something or someone as she says the name of the attack, creating a large explosion (seven-ten foot radius?) that centers around her fist. This injures her, but only small burns and possible injuries from debris are possible. This attack can be used once a battle.

Attack 2: Aci Asteroid Explosion! An Eternal Attack!
Sailor Aci takes out a ball from her belt and places her hands on the top and bottom of it. She chants "Aci...Asteroid...EXPLOSION!" as she does so; and at each word, the visible chaotic field of energy around the ball gets larger. As she says "explosion!", the belt-ball explodes powerfully (enough to give Aci second-degree burns over her hands and arms). The reach of this explosion is about twenty feet in a sphere around Aci-twenty feet above her, twenty feet to the sides; and anything within that range (12 above, 8 out; and so on) will be hit by the explosion.
This attack can be used once a battle.
FUKU
Aci's fuku is pending-waiting for a better art reference.

NOTES
Sailor Aci is teammates with Sailor Cyrene, Senshi of Implosions; Sailor Ino, Senshi of Pain; and Sailor Leucothea, Senshi of Seashells. Together they make up Team Bombsquad...and get chased by the police every battle. :< They need teammates-send a message to get your quest senshi onto the team!
PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 7:26 am


Edit:
Everything looks good, but I think the number of times she can use attack 1b should be fewer, maybe 2-3? It seems like a really strong attack, so I don't think she'd be able to use it 5 times

Jolie Mariella


Daekie

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PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 6:26 pm


Thanks. Fixed!
PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2010 4:46 pm


I see you have the comp. form, but I suggest using the form in the handbook so that we can know more about Cherry. C:

Crafts Elaborate. What kinds of crafts does she like to do? What does she do with all the crafts, give them to friends and family? What makes her like making crafts?

Internet What, exactly, does she like to do on the internet? Elaborate on what she does on the computer.

Poetry Why does she find writing them fun? Is there a particular kind of poems that she likes to do the most? Does she read other poems too?

Outgoing I think you've misnamed this trait. It seems more like "Unique" than outgoing, as an outgoing is more like "interested in and responsive to others; friendly; sociable". In any case, elaborate. How is this positive? How exactly does she act outgoing/unique?

Dependable This is a pretty generic description. With this explanation, a lot of people can be dependable like Cherry. What makes her dependability special? Will she go to a store at midnight to buy something for a sick friend? Will she stick by someone when they're being ridiculed?

Critical thinker Again, general description. How's this trait unique to Cherry? Is she able to do this quickly? Thoroughly? What hinders her from thinking critically?

Rude Generally rude overall? Come, explain it to us! This trait is very vague and general. How's Cherry rude? Is she always rude?

Syusaki


Daekie

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PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2010 6:22 pm


Revised. Thank you, Syusaki! Could you please crit my character Elegy Fiona?
PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2010 4:29 pm


Hello! I just have a few comments to leave. They're not so much critiques as they are things to think about.

First off, it seems as though two of her personality traits conflict. You say that she's Friendly and she would never push people away, yet she is also rude and nobody wants to be her friend. Is she doing something wrong in her friendliness? Such as... is she trying to be friendly, but it ends up being rude? I'm not really sure what you're trying to do with that.

Second, is there any symbolic meaning behind her tattoos? I find that when people get tattoos they have deep seeded significance in the symbols because they will forever be on their body. Even if they have a thousand and one tattoos they will always have a story for why they got what they have and why it is important to them. Why did she get her tattoos? Did she have any other thoughts about getting her tattoos? To be rebellious? To be unique? What does she want people to think when they see her tattoos?

I hope this helps get some thoughts going so you can develop her some more. Best of luck!


Guine

Crew

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Blue Eyed Melloon

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PostPosted: Sun May 09, 2010 9:42 am


Your unigue/friendly and self conscious virtue and flaw seems to clash to me. Most people I've met that are self conscious don't like to stand out and be noticed by anyone. Just a thought on that.

I would also mention how many balls sink into the ground on your Eternal Attack. Having 50 of them go off isn't realistic, and while the character you are battling with/against may not know how many sink in, the person behind that would like to just to make sure the attack isn't "all powerful" So adding a specific number means that there is a limitation to thr attack, and it won't seem as powerful.
PostPosted: Mon May 10, 2010 6:09 pm


Revised! Thank you~

Daekie

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Daekie

Stellar Wildcat

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 7:49 pm


Fiiinally back up for crit! <3
PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 9:00 am


Bumpin' it up~! Crits are totally welcome.

Daekie

Stellar Wildcat

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