|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:21 am
This story takes place in a fictional kingdom heavily divided by a caste system with 4 very distinct classes. Moving up between them is possible, but extremely difficult. Ramus, a child born in the second lowest class, dreams of one day fallowing in his older brothers foot steps as a member of the royal guard and he just may get his chance as a rebellion is brewing though out the country side. He will uncover many secrets that had been previously well hidden by others.
_____________________
The sun shined brilliantly in the bright blue sky a faint breeze ruffled the grass against the lime stone cottages the dotted the hill top. Quaint little structures fixed with wooden doors and straw thatch roofs. The chirping of starlings and other song birds completed the homely atmosphere.
This tranquility was suddenly broken by my the laughter of children. Three of them, all in leather boots and rough cloth tunics the seemed to be made from scraps. “Ha, I got you!” came the shout from one kid, a little boy with brown hair and freckles holding a small stick. A second little boy about a year or so older fell and rolled on the ground in pretend agony “Oh, the pain, Alexander is to powerful, I'm no match.” The older boy crawled away and a third child bounded up to embrace Alexander “My hero!” She cheered
“Not so fast” The older boy reappears with a gray, leather ball. “I still have my dragon egg!” Alexander pointed his stick at his imaginary foe “Ramus, you cowered” Ramus smiled and shook the hay filled ball “It's hatching, say your prayers” Ramus became distracted from his game by the sound of a fan fare of blaring trumpets from not far off “Oh yea” the younger boy challenged and charged for Ramus. “Run, Lizzy.” the little girl ran a few feet away, giggling. “Ohhff.” Alexanders unexpected tackle knocked the ball out of his hands and into the cobble stone streets. “I'll get it.” The young girl annoyed “Be careful, Elizabeth.”
((is there a word for that thing horses do?))
Elizabeth chased the ball into the streets and fell back when a beautiful white horse reared up in front of her. The magnificent beast was one of two pulling a extravagant purple and gold carriage. “Why have we stopped?” Came an agitated young girl's voice from inside, not even a whole year older that herself it seemed. “Whats going on?” Ramus asked as he came up behind Elizabeth. She grabbed the ball and hastily scurried away “It's princess Lilith, she must be going home from her dads hunting trip.” She looked thoughtful “She sounded kinda upset, I wonder what happened” Ramus smiled “Beats me, but if the royal guard is here that means I'll get to see my big brother!”
______________________________
Questions? comments? feedback?
I will also be posting this story on writing.com (Author, Nintendork)
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:24 am
|
Ovan Maxwell Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:27 am
good job biggrin and i belive the word ur looking for is neigh or winnie
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:36 am
not that, the thing were they go up on there two hind legs?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 9:11 am
o then i think its called rear
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 6:57 pm
It's pretty good so far. Will you be posting the rest of it? 'Cause if you are, they'll be looked forward to. ^^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
fallenangel_Asha Vice Captain
|
Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:16 pm
I also really like that, I love the interaction between the kids as they played - that was great. All I can say is to read through it and proof it once or twice, but great job.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 4:20 pm
I've written a bit more of this story. I just haven't felt the creative urge, not so much writer's block as just a lack of enthusiasm to keep writing.I have an idea of where I want the story to go... But it's been slow. Heres What I have now!
_____________________________
Ramus gently nudged her aside and ran up to the front of the caravan ((I think thats the right word)) The captain of the royal guard marched up front, in his silver guiled armor, and eight solders marched behind him in two rows of four. It was easy for Ramus to spot his older brother since the helmets didn't cover their faces. He spotted him on the left most side of the second row. Struggling to keep pace with the marching he asked “so, when do you think your next visit will be, Victor?” His older brother looked at him in excitement “It may be a while, buddy I'm getting promoted! When we get back to the castle I'll be made the princess's personal body guard!” Ramus's face lit up “Thats great” he exclaimed “How'd you achieve that?” Victor frowned “A group of bandits ambushed us while we were alone, Only me and her hand maiden, Agatha were back at the campsite and she and her former personal guard, Eric came back from the hunting party to fetch something she had forgot, then and arrow came out of no where and killed Agatha. Sadly Eric also died in the battle. I single handedly protected her until the rest of the guards arrived, she was so thankful that she decided to make me her new personal body guard” They were nearing the edge of the village now. “Personal eh? well you behave your self, big brother” Victor nodded and marched with the others toured the white castle in the distance. “Good luck, And I'll miss you” Ramus called
____________________
That would conclude the pro log, The main story will take place a few years latter but event's here are vitally important to the story later on
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Undesired Desire Vice Captain
|
Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 5:42 pm
Wonderful, absolutely wonderful. It is so cute and quaint!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
