Welcome to Gaia! ::

We open our story focused on a male human being. His name might be James, or his name might be John, but it doesn’t matter. He is on his way to a nearby chain store. He might be driving, or he might be jogging, but it doesn’t matter. The male walks into this conglomerate, and a different male stands in front of a second doorway while waving. The first male may notice this greeter, or he may not. Not many details are known in this story, but let me assure you that it is the model of almost any city in America. It may be in the future, or… it may be right now.

The first male walks directly toward a certain section of the store. He walks into a slightly cramped aisle and picks up a hardback book. He is very pleased, grins, and puts the book into his other hand, and looks through a bargain bin. A female walks into the store and looks through the Bargain Bin as well. —all the “specifics” from the male can be reapplied to her… walked or drove, Jennifer or Jamie, aware or distracted— Suddenly the store’s Public Announcement System rings, and in a slight crackle, a person’s voice announces some sort of incentive to buy things found at the store; most of them are edible items and medium-sized machine parts. Suddenly, an enormous pack of customers storm in like a SWAT Team. They start picking up almost every items in sight! It’s extremely crowded, and people are people are pushing and shoving, every which way.

After three minutes of this, it seems like an eternity of waiting to the crowd of people, who have been stopped from using force by a dozen store employees. The long line of customers are moaning and groaning, and then the PA rings again. Through bubbles and creaks, all the customers —including the two we have focused on— can make out the statement “The overcrowding has caused us to show the care for our customers you have come to expect! From this point on, all customers that are buying or browsing for any items that take an extended amount of time will be forced to stand in the display case, squeeze into the aisle shelf, so on and so forth. Please keep this act of kindness in mind next time you are out to buy anything!”

The male and female both stood, bewildered and confounded at the previous announcement. The woman turned around to the furious faces of the other customers, who start to shout and curse. The store employees start to come near her, and she does the first thing that she can think of; she climbs into the Novel Bargain Bin. The male follows the female with his eyes, and he chuckles lightly. He walks over, put one hand on the railing on a large, top-opened box of Footballs and then extends his hand to help her out. The female shakes her head, refusing the assistance. A shelf restocking employee comes up behind the male, grabs his ankles, and flips him into the Box of Sports equipment he was just leaning on. He tried to get out, but he was forced back in.

The two humans were very lucky; soon, the aisle was knocked on it’s backside. The customers were so entranced by this incentive to buy these things… these fatty foods… sugary candies… parts for their gas-guzzling automobiles… The two Humans are said to still be in that store… They have been able to grab some of the healthier foods that are thrown in the garbage… still wrapped. But one thing that we should be wondering… Are they still there? Is that “Crazy Savings Deal” over yet? Will the Corporate powerhouse ever let up? The Media says… Maybe they will, maybe they won’t; it’s not important.

To me, the main paragraph is a little confusing. This might be because it's all one paragraph. (I tend to lose sight of things when so much is put in one paragraph.)

And, of course, it's very rough. I'm not sure if you want this to be a short story or a longer one. But, I think it would (at the least) make a very compelling short. It would be one of those meaningful stories, of course. The ones that we don't have enough of these days (or it seems that way to me, anyway).

What I'm trying to say is that I like it. And I'd like to see it evolve into something else. So, if it does, you should post it. Or, let me know some way of reading it. If you don't mind, of course. Because it seems brilliant.

Like that! xd