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 Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 3:36 pm
I have two little issues that I think needs sorting out before I hurt someone or get hurt whether emotionally or physically. Both issues have been bothering me for a little over a year now so I think it's time to find out what's going on.
I doubt the first issue is normal and I know it isn't healthy. I'm curious about death, I want to know what it's like. Sometimes I want to kill myself and I'm tempted to grab a gun or something but then I think what the hell am I doing?! I keep getting really down when I think about my past and what might happen in the future. I'm happy but there's still that creepy little urge to kill myself, I want to but I want to come back. I don't want to leave my family and friends behind but I'm just so curious about what dying is all about. I don't think I'm gothic or anything and I don't want attention. If I wanted attention I'd just cut myself and make a scene at school. I don't want to go see anyone about my problem because I don't want anyone in RL to know. I can't even tell my best friend about it because I'm afraid everyone will know and think I'm some kind of sick attention whore. Another thing is, when I'm (for example) hiking in the mountains there's these look-outs where you can look (obviously) over the valley and it's a big cliff... I'm tempted to jump. I don't know why, usually I sit down or walk away before I do. Sometimes I have the urge to stab someone when I'm doing the dishes and start washing a knife. It scares me, I don't want to hurt anyone, I'm just curious about it. I feel like I can't trust myself doing anything.
I'll post the other issue in a few minutes, I have to go eat dinner. Please help me out though. heart
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 4:42 pm
I think that's mostly normal. A lot of people question their mortality and what it means to be alive. I feel some of those same things. Especially the height/jumping and knife thing.
I find that the urge is almost always overcome-able, but if you're worried about it, you might try to avoid situations that might put you in a position to cause harm to yourself or others without drawing too much attention to the fact.
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 5:39 pm
I'm not really sure. If you find the urge hard to control, you might want to see a psychologist. Otherwise, I don't think its something you need to worry about.
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 6:27 pm
I think everyone has those ''What if'' thoughts occasionaly. I was thinking just last night that my first thought after I die, assuming that we are capable of thought, will either be "Yes, I was right! There is no heaven." or "Oh crap..." Of course we are all curious but aren''t you curious about your future too? About what you will be doing in one year or ten years? As long as you are able to control these urges then it''s ok. When it gets to be too much for you then talk to someone about it and they will help.
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 1:15 pm
Well.. I think this is normal.. I mean everyone thinks of death.. However the impulses of hurting/ killing yourself I don't believe are ok... I mean yeah the are normal.. but not in a good way.. I can't explain, but honestly... it's ok to think about death.. but don't ever kill yourself. You may be afraid of what you have in store in life... but that's what life is about so you have to take it on full force. And trust me... I bet life is scarier then death. So be brave and stare fear right in it's face.
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 1:18 pm
I too have "what if" moments where I am tempted to harm myself... not becuaseI really want to but just to see what it would be like. A rather morbid curiosity. The same goes for death, I am both intrigued and repulsed by it.
As long as you can keep these thoughts to "what if" and feel safe in knowing you can turn back from tehm before you cause yourself any harm then there is nothing to wrry about. If you get to the point where that is becoming increasingly difficult I would recommend seeking professional advice. I know you may not want any one to know for fear of judgment, but therapists and the like aren't supposed to judge, they are supposed to help you.
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 1:19 pm
Edit: Ooops! Double post. Sorry 'bout that.
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 3:23 pm
Being the good Taoist that I am, I neither fear death nor obsess about it. Instead, I quietly wait for the day that I transcend from the earth into the next stage of existance. As Soleq would say, dwell not on the thought of death, for it is only an inevitability that you will find your question answered.
Less preachy, while it may be a curiosity to think about death, it doesn't do anything actually productive beyond mental masturbation.
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 7:26 pm
Well I believe that a curiosity and desire to understand death is healthy as death has a rather profound effect on us. The worries you have about your compulsions to hurt others or yourself appear to be under control as you have yet to do anything. If you feel that you may be losing control you may want to talk with a professional as they would be becoming compulsions and dangerous ones. But I think your ok right now.
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 10:16 am
Yes, death is a curious thing isin't it? I too have contemplated killing myself, but only to know what happens afterwards, but think about, there is a chance you may not be able to come back. A chance that you could suffer for the rest of forever, I doubt these things, but who knows, best to just wait until it is your time to die.
Not much help was it?
I try.
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Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 1:23 pm
Serpantlord Yes, death is a curious thing isin't it? I too have contemplated killing myself, but only to know what happens afterwards, but think about, there is a chance you may not be able to come back. A chance that you could suffer for the rest of forever, I doubt these things, but who knows, best to just wait until it is your time to die.
Not much help was it?
I try. why in the hell would you want to kill yourself...your mom went through so much pain just so you could be here...and now you want it all to go down the tubes...doesnt make any f*ckin sense...
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Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2005 7:43 pm
Exadous617 Serpantlord Yes, death is a curious thing isin't it? I too have contemplated killing myself, but only to know what happens afterwards, but think about, there is a chance you may not be able to come back. A chance that you could suffer for the rest of forever, I doubt these things, but who knows, best to just wait until it is your time to die.
Not much help was it?
I try. why in the hell would you want to kill yourself...your mom went through so much pain just so you could be here...and now you want it all to go down the tubes...doesnt make any f*ckin sense...
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 4:57 pm
It's just curiosity, it happens to everyone, but if the matter continues consider seeing a psycologist if u feel like u cant control it.
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Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 4:19 pm
Its normal to wonder about death. I think about it a lot. And i used to be like you and get the urge to kill myself but then later i thought how stupid it was becasue i have a good life. I got over it eventually. i still wonder but i'm not tempted to kill myself anymore. So you could just hope to get over it/grow out of it. But sometimes it can be dangerous so you should tell someone.
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Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 11:10 am
Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to suddenly stand in front of a bus. And since busses here in Guadalajara usually go at at least 70 km/h sometimes without even dodging the potholes in the street, well, that would mean an instant death.
It's just a little thought though. Nothing too big, because I feel mostly fine with being alive. I get to go to parties and meet girls when alive. wink
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