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As I'm sure I've posted before, I'm pretty much unable to see or do anything. Every bit of information I give are things I know to be true, but I personally am a complete ******** nublet about this stuff.

My roommate, on the other hand, can call me out on a mood I'm hiding very well, yank things out of my head that I don't want there, and all that fun stuff. This led to my being in a shitty mood and her yanking down some of the walls I've built in my head (and trust me, there's a whole ******** of those. Lots of stuff I like to block out.) She managed to pull down whatever binds I threw up unintentionally for my own protection when I started talking to Kuru three years ago, and suddenly I saw the ground glowing through my ********' trippy.

But I could see things for a while, and every now and then whatever door she managed to open opens itself back up again, and I screw around building walls and making bubbles.

So here's where the questions come in.
-How do I work on keeping that ******** thing open?
-How do I do stuff while meaning to? Everything I've done to this point has just kind of happened, without my meaning for it to or knowing what I've done.
-Can I keep someone out of my head? It's a bit annoying when I'm hiding being pissed off and she picks it up without meaning to, particularly because my walls are such that they filter emotion. What will register to me as slightly pissed is a level of rage that will drive most people over the edge. (lolfux'duphead)
-LOLOLHERSHRNUBLOLOL.

Hersh! Thought you dropped off the face of the world. I'm glad you're back and playing magick. It's pretty cool that she got you to do it, the annoying factor notwithstanding.

For the opening the thing, I'm not the smartest, nor most experienced, so don't worry about being a nuub. The other advice seems pretty good so go with that too, but I would try the nonattached result thing, the sort of effortless effort thing where you try to let your subconscious do what your conscious brain cannot, for enlightenment or magical achievement or w/e.

Try a word sigil, like writing down a sentence "OPEN THE DOORS WITHIN MY HEAD" eliminating the repeated letters to get "P RS W MY A" Which you could re-arrange to get whatever, Rasm Wyp, and use that as a mantra to concentrate on, repeat, something your unconscious mind will get, but your conscious mind can forget about, slipping past the mental censor that prevents you from talking yourself down, preventing the magick from working, and conflicts your will.

But I ramble. Basic idea: Word or writing sigil to focus on your goal is my advice. And come hang around a little more, Hersh.

Those walls are because of your energy. Not the other way around.

Sure it's like an on off switch. How much are you willing to see? How much are you willing to learn about yourself? How much of it could you actually accept? The human mind shuts out, and effectively shuts down that which it does not want to register, even as it is processing the data it doesn't want to believe.

This is just... basic fact. Some are more open to such things than others, and sometimes it just takes a little bit of time and patience to re-attune ones self to the rest of everything else.

Find those doors. Label them. Systematically reclaim your mind as completely your own, where you know every little detail. It takes a lot of work, time, and dedication to say the least, but that is more than key enough for you to find any answers you may seek.



By the way - your friend might just be empathetic. Some empaths are just... very sensitive and intuitive. You can't fool everyone, even if you can fool yourself.

Mmm... Those are some simple things, but very good places to start. For energy control, I've found that by learning how to ground it just.. becomes simple. Almost overly so. I imagine that would help with your emotions, for both you and your friend(s). The past.... Is a tricky and fickle thing. I remind myself more each time I realize I know less of myself than I thought I did.

A lot of it seems simple to me, but I just.. basically experimented with my ideas and far more often than not, they worked. Actually, I believe they almost always have. Trial and error is another good method if you want to devote the time to that as well.

Mm, either your text has changed as a result of your changing, or you really are really tired. I miss the blue...

I wouldn't take my advice on energy control too strongly, unless several people agree, since I'd perfer to be overblown with it then be normal for me.

Grounding...I swear, I just posted on a couple sites about this...
Hm...well, apparently grounding is considered slightly different from centering because of the name, and expected context.

A.D.D. aside, what I think is the basic idea is to get rid of unwanted energy, and make sure you haven't gone insane. Apparently one way is to visualize (lol, feel should work) a pillar of energy connecting a person to the earth. Either from above through the person, or it loops around in the person. The idea seems to be to use it like a channel that washes away the energy thats unwanted...and bring in "good earth energy". Another one is to get a "grounding stone" that "absorbs" energy, and to do something similar to the above with pushing energy into the stone.

Theres alot more, but I'd rather see your response, you know, for better tailoring to help the odds of it working for you well.

Hunh.

I used to shove pain into my knives, there's a reason people didn't like them. Wonder if I could ground myself the same way.

I'll try the pillar idea though.

And the reason there's no blue right now is that I'm on someone else's comp. She's playing WoW on mine, and I'm too ******** lazy to type it out without auto-format.

But just for you...

Hey, I do acupuncture and qi gong and journeying, so I've road-tested a few ways to release crap, especially since my boundaries used to suck a** so I'd end up with about twenty other people's issues to work through.

If you have access to a shaman or qi gong practitioner, they can give you some tools to work with. Depending on how bad the stuff is that you're trying to work through, you might need a shamanic technique called soul retrieval; with that one there really is no substitute, but generally you need to be dealing with serious abuse for it to be needed. Concentrating on allowing negative energy to leave through your feet is a qi gong technique, interestingly enough. There are some others that get a bit more advanced, but you should always start with the basics anyway. Most people say they can't afford acupuncture, but it can be effective if you're up for it, and doesn't require you to do anything but show up and pay the nice practitioner.

Fortunately for us all, my mom's been training with a shaman to do healing with rocks, which has worked quite nicely and even got me pregnant the last time (yay!). [Insert whatever crass remark you've thought of here.] She introduced me to the fabulous and kinda freaky cleaning power of selenite. Selenite is the crystallized form of gypsum, in case that helps. Essentially, it's a massively effective purifier. You hold it in your hand (both hands if you manage to locate a big chunk) and simply concentrate on allowing any and all junk to flow through your palm(s) and into the rock. When you've finished, it's probably a good idea to clean the rock. My mom simply carries hers outside, sets it on the grass in sunlight, and splashes water over it, then dries it with a towel and brings it back in. Fair warning - if you release some particularly toxic stuff, the stone will turn a bit opaque and flake a bit. Creeped my mom the hell out when I did that to her stone.

And yeah, if you want to stay open, a habit of closing yourself off would kind of get in the way. Best path to learning to stay open is to get more comfortable with being open at all. On the down side, I remember some pretty rabid mood swings while I got used to the whole concept. On the up side, I'm so fragging much happier now than I ever thought was possible back when I stayed safe.

Side Note: Yep, I'm back-ish from outer space. Long story. Dunno how regularly I'll post, but I thought it was time to drop in for a bit.