I think the art is excellent. It looks about as good as a pro's. I think the eyes sometimes seem a bit too high, but I'm in no position to critique your art... like, maybe on this page:
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?page=1&t=8374279#114272531I think it's just a few of the older pages...
One problem I had reading was that I was sometimes unsure if I was supposed to read left to right or right to left. Oh, good, there's a way to link directly to posts... The last panel here is an example of what I'm talking about:
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?page=1&t=8374279#114271897There were a few spelling/grammar errors... and you should do something about the question marks that show in place of apostrophes with certain fonts like this:
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?page=3&t=8374279#146657475I thought it was weird how it suddenly turned into a battle manga. It was interesting to read, but I didn't know what direction the story would go in. I dunno, I don't think the first fight scene went with the flow smooth enough.
Well, the start of the story was sorta unclear altogether, I think.
After John died, Tem went to Velt City, the place where they first met. He wanted to start a new life... I dunno what contrast that would have with his "old life", but it sorta seems like it just means he's going to be living alone now and taking care of himself.
He goes to a house that he apparently planned to go to already, and he mentioned an offer... I assume he scheduled to rent a room there at a good deal or something.
Here's where things get weird... Rita mentions John and Tem had no idea that Rita knew John... I guess this sorta thing can be elaborated on later as "not merely a coincidence" or something, though it's sorta weird that Tem didn't question it at all. Especially when Rita suddenly starts explaining the elements... I thought he was just there to get a place to stay or maybe work or something. It kinda makes sense when she says there's something at the desert he needs to do, but I don't think it's quite clear enough by itself.
Then she attacks him... I'm not too sure why she felt the need to test him out in a battle to the death. Tem seems to kinda accept that challenge a bit too easily. Then he's so suddenly friendly with her after defeating her...
I think there's a bit of a lack of conclusion there overall. We jump into flashbacks, character development, and further storyline without anything about Rita being explained.
But this is all quite interesting and well made. You're doing a great job.