Sometimes I kind of wonder if I'm really here.
Everything around me is moving at a speed just slightly faster than me. I'm moving, I'm running, I'm doing everything I can, but everytime I look in front of me, I see footsteps and faces blurring by. Everything feels blurry. I feel blurry. I feel like only half of everyone else.
Tiletk doesn't let me fall behind. I think maybe that's why he carries me, now. I don't know when it started, but he picks me up, and it feels so good to be curled up in his arms. He moves, and I can see everything moving at the same speed as he does. I can see Hale and Stew, screaming their battle cries. I can see Nush and Loffie, grumping like champs. And Tsumi, pretty Tsumi, and her attempts to smile.
I remember when I couldn't smile. Tsumi is the only one who moves at my speed. I can always see her, when she's there. But Nush doesn't let her stay too long, he doesn't let her fall behind either. He should carry her, like Tiletk does with me. It feels so nice.
We've done so much already! My friends taught me how to get weapons, and ever since then, I've felt less useless. It feels good to fight. When I first began to exist, it felt so wrong to hit and hurt things. I remember that, even though it's fuzzy. I remember failing to be helpful and I remember when they had to tell me what I was doing wrong.
I remember when Tiletk taught me how to smile. Now I can't stop.
I don't really understand much of anything. No one has any answers, except maybe the goddesses, but they're not talking much lately. They tell us what to do, and then they take from us whatever it is we go out to collect. They need it so bad, but I don't know what it is they take. All I know is, when I bring it back to them, they make me feel a little bit faster. I feel like I can keep up with Tiletk, if I really tried. I don't need to be carried, anymore.
But I still want to be.
If we were made here in this world, how come I can remember things outside of it? It doesn't happen often, but sometimes.. sometimes I get a little something. Mostly it's just a feeling. Tiletk makes me feel the most, and when he's holding me, and kissing me, my skin actually feels real. I think, if I could just be in his arms forever, I could forget how unfinished I am. No one ever needs to know.
It could be our little secret.
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