Aludra and Noah By'arre's Log

[lux eternelle]

[META] One Good Trade Oughta Do Ya Some Good Deserves Another  

[lux eternelle]

[Spiritual] Now THAT'S A Sword! [Second]  

[lux eternelle]

[Focus] Wynni & Aludra  

[lux eternelle]

Aludra tugged at the sleeves of his sweatshirt, pulling the hood a bit lower over his newly tanned and scarred face, trying to hide the half-healed wounds that Aden had helped him fix and his own stupidity had caused. He'd decided, after days of deliberation, that he was tired of not being friends with Lira, something that had become actually kind of nice over the past week or so before he decided to be stupid. Sighing gently, he raised one hand, the cuff of his sleeve held tightly in his fist, and knocked gently at the door to Lirona's room, still not sure at all what he was going to say, but sure that whatever it was, it would be better than just staying silent and bitter for the rest of their lives. Right?

It was with a generally pleasant demeanor that Lirona opened her bedroom door that day. The past week had actually been rather okay between her and Aludra, and the girl was beginning to look up. At the knock, she placed down the book she was reading and peeked around the door, opening it completely when she saw who it was. "Oh, hi, Aludra. Wh-What's up?" Her eyes didn't miss the scars on his hidden face, and she sighed. Part of her already felt that this was going to end badly...

Aludra changed his mind so fast that he was practically scared out of his skin when Lira showed up at her own door, his eyes widening and face falling quickly, staring at the ground with eyes as big as dinner plates. Looking the epitome of guilty, his lies were so transparent that he knew looking Lira in the eyes would only make it worse. He knew that she wouldn't believe him. But maybe that was the point. Maybe it would prove how much he was trying to tell himself that she didn't matter...

"Lirona. Hi. I just... I came to inform you of my most sincerest apologies as a result of my actions the other day. It was inappropriate for me to behave in such a manner, especially concerning the fact that both of the two of us are already in relationships that I don't believe we're about to abort. If you would be so kind as to accept my apology, I would enjoy being your friend with the added promise that I will do whatever is in my power to keep from giving you false hope," he spat out robotically, growing more and more red by the second as he recalled that day, and how much of an idiot he was for it.

Lira knew something was up when Aludra lowered his gaze, looking as contrite as can be. She stepped a little out of the doorway, crossing her arms in expectation. Jake waved back and forth warily, keeping a special tab on Aludra.

When the other spawn spoke, Lirona could only raise her eyebrows in surprise. A small, disbelieving laugh jumped from her throat; she hadn't thought he'd dare do something like this, not when it had been going so well. To her surprise as well, she found that she wasn't sad in the least. No, she wasn't sad or hurt or stunned; she was pissed. Her foot began tapping irritably, and her voice turned into sarcastic sugar. "Oh, so I'm just supposed to take all of these feelings that are finally being recognized and lock them away? I'm on this kind of pedestal just three days ago, and now I'm a mistake?!" She scoffed and shook her head. "God, I can't believe I let myself fall for it again..." Her palm rose up to meet her forehead, and she rested in that position for a few seconds before she suddenly moved aggressively towards Aludra, seeming to tower over him.

"Aludra, you should already know that I am tired of this. If this is all that's going to happen with us, then you were right: this was a mistake. I'm done with you treating me like an emotionless constant that will be there to pick up your pieces whenever you decide to feel especially sorry for yourself." She stepped forward, jabbing at his chest gently with a finger. "I have a life too, y'know, and I'd like to get on with it, and I can't do that if I'm going through the stress of trying to figure out what I am to you." Tears began to creep into the girl's voice as she continued. "I'll always love you Aludra, but I just- I can't take this anymore. It's too confusing." She turned away slightly, making to move back into her room. "Despite my virtue, I don't want to wait around for you forever, Aludra. You're right; I don't particularly want to break up with Ty. He's sweet and attentive and understanding, and it would be foolish for me to give him up for you and your... high risk value. I have a time limit, so you should work on figuring out what, and who, you want."

Aludra knew that he should have shut up a long time ago; he knew that he should have closed his mouth the instant that any kind of impatience took over the other spawns demeanor, turned around, and walked away. Note that he should have done this. But it was often that he should have done something. And just because there was something that he should have done, doesn't mean that he actually did it.

Instead, he made it through the ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ entire speech and allowed himself to walk right into a wall of punishment that he knew that he didn't want to deal with at the moment. He let himself stand there, wide-eyed and completely deaf and dumb to any of his own complaints or retorts, staring at Lira as though she'd just sprouted a second head as she laid down the line that he would need to cross if he didn't want to lose her. A line that he'd been hoping never to see. A line that he wasn't sure he would be able to honestly confront.

So he turned, eyes still wide and tearful, to the hallway, back to Lira. Her words echoed, bounced around his head like a hyper-ball as he walked robotically down the stairs, heart ringing in his ears and making his stomach ache in the most unpleasant of ways. The way that it felt when he was holding in unshed tears. The same painful, butterfly ache of a feeling that accompanied an impossibly​​​​​​​​​​ painful sorrow.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ He didn't feel anything the entire way to the Facility, not looking back once even as he heard Lirona's voice carry out past him. He couldn't feel his legs when he reached the gates. He didn't know why he was there. He stared at the ground, waiting for someone to open the fence for him. No one came.

The short greed spawn heard a shudder and a gasp fall from his throat, a choked, hurting noise. With that, he fell to his tired, worn out, numb-to-the-bone knees and wrapped his strong arms around his own chest, curling into his own little ball of quiet, painful tears. He didn't know what he was doing here. He didn't want to see Aden. He... he didn't want to see Aden at all. Didn't. But he knew that he had to.

It had been proven that he had no other alternative...

'I don't want to wait around for you forever, Aludra...'

Aden was going over a chart that was given over to him earlier, reading it over, as well as the strange information that was on it. He wasn't sure how it was done but it was something he was going to study in detail long before the information was brought to the attention of the Boss of his place. As he read the information over he started to feel the familiar itch inside of him that said he had been without a cigarette for longer then he would like.

The man lifted his gaze from his reading material up to look at the clock then over to the door, Beryl was still gone... likely off chasing after Ella who was his most favorite person in this place, one he enjoyed following like a little glow-in-the-dark stalker. He gave a shake of his head before dropping his gaze again, determined to ignore his need for nicotine when a tech appeared, knocking on the door, "Doctor Boggs?"

Aden jerked his head up, "What?" He asked, hoping this one wasn't one of the annoying techs but instead among the few that he had working for him in the medical ward from time to time, much to his relief it was, "What do you need?" His voice was more welcoming this time around, less on edge now that he saw who was talking to him.

"Someone has collapsed in front of the gates, we aren't sure what we should do about it. It appears to be one of the spawn but we aren't supposed to step outside of the perimeter fence given the contracts we have with the Boss." He said, making a motion in the direction that the spawn was in.

The doctor starred for a long moment before sighing, pushing himself to his feet, closed the filed and tossed it into a drawer of his desk, "I will go then, I seem to be able to get away with a whole Hell of a lot more then the average Tech, luck of draw I suppose." More like he was more useful when it came to the things he had done thus far for the Boss and as such he was given a bit more leeway then anyone else in this place was minus Almas and Luthor since they were Vampy's family, or at least as close as that guy had to one. After telling the tech what he was would be doing and that he should prepare a cot just in case it was needed before he was heading out at the door at a quickened pace and to the front gate to see who was there.

Much to his surprise it was not only a spawn but one that he knew quite well, "Alulu?" He called out as he hurried forward to the gate, digging out his keys so he could unlock and open the gate for the fallen greed spawn.

Aludra noticed that his brain wasn't working at a full capacity, and if it was, that capacity had been lowered dramatically since he'd last thought about it. That, or he'd never noticed how truly stupid he could be and was just realizing it now. His tail scraped over the ground rather loudly, nails digging at the skin that they found themselves pressed against, tearing up scales in the most slow and painful way possible. What the Hell was he doing here?

He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to see Aden, because he knew the only thing that he would be able to tell the man. He knew why he was there, and that's why he wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else. He clung tighter to himself when that nickname fluttered through the air, the voice one that had talked him through the first night -well, afternoon- that he'd given up everything, made himself completely vulnerable to the first person who'd ever seen him as such. This was such a dumb idea, he was such an idiot, he was... he...

The sobs only grew harder, making his muscular body tremble only further, arms gripping him even tighter than they had been previously, thick tears pouring from his eyes. He didn't want Aden to come closer. He wanted the man to read his mind and turn around, walk away and manage to keep this terrible, horrible situation from happening. He didn't want to break Aden's heart. He didn't want to hurt the one person who had fixed him.

That only made Aludra realize how much this was hurting him, as well. How much what Lira had said was killing this entire situation, tearing Aludra's heart to pieces at the same time that it forced him to inflict the same pain on Aden. How on Earth did someone actually manage to do that?! It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair... So, gently, he shook his head. He wanted to open his mouth, but he couldn't and he quietly, silently, just shook his head.

Aden's eyes went wide behind his glasses before he was kneeling down next to Aludra, reaching his hands out to him to rest them in a gentle manner against his arms, "Shhh, its alright." He said, rubbing his warm hands up and down against his arms in a soothing manner before he took hold of his wrists, "Let go, your hurting yourself again, Alulu." He murmured, trying to get the spawn to release the rather painful looking hold that he had on himself. If he were in so much pain that he'd collapsed, that he was sobbing, and clutching at himself in a manner it must be bad.

"I will get you inside and treat your wounds but I need you to tell me where your hurting." He said, he didn't see any blood aside from where he had hurt himself with his nails which brought a look of concern to his face, "Is it your stomach again?" He asked of him, eyes dropping down as though he could see through to Aludra stomach which had caused him so much pain when they had first met. He wondered if the boy had started to stress himself out again to the point where his stomach was once more acting out against him, threatening more ulcers. It was something he didn't want to risk.

As such he gave his lover a little smile, "Would you like me to carry you inside?" He asked, sliding his arms around him and seemed to be preparing to lift the teen off the hard cement where he fallen.

Of course Aludra's non-existent telepathy didn't work. Why would it? To make things easier for him? Hah! That was certainly a laugh!! His tail curled, winding itself into a tight coil behind him. The feeling of Aden's warm hands even through the thickness of his sweater had every muscle in his body tensing like the body of a snake, making him tremble even worse. When his wrists were taken hold of, he only dug his nails harder into his flesh, now drawing blood from where he tore of both skin and scales.

Aludra shook his head jerkily at the question, hands moving upward shakily as he proceeded to claw with one of them at his chest, the area that it hurt, digging into the clothe of his shirt just above his heart. At least, that's where he thought it was. He wasn't sure. All he knew was that was where the hurt was coming from, and that was where the body-shaking pulsations were coming from. It hurt. It hurt a lot...

It was when Aden suggested carrying the other that he finally managed to actually act of his own volition. As the man's arms settled around him, a comforting, amazing feeling that made his heart feel as though it was being torn in half, he finally shoved him away. He was on his feet again within a second, still shaking, trying to stand strong, a lecture on his lips, but only a few, tremulous, pathetic words falling from his lips. "I- I- I can't!!"


"Your chest hurts?" He asked, watching the way that Aludra seemed to claw at it and Aden's eyes went rather wide with worry, his chest... that could be all number of things and none of them good he thought to himself, "We really need to get you to the hospital ward then if its your chest. I want to make sure that nothing bad has happened alright? How about we..." Much to his surprise Aludra was suddenly on his feet, moving away from him, shaking like a leaf.

The Doctor pused to his feet and took a step forward, "Can't? Can't what?" He asked, lifting a hand to rest his fingers against Aludra's throat, to feel for his pulse which seemed to be racing. He gave a little shake of his head, "Come on, Alulu. I don't want you collapsing again, how about you tell me what you can't do on the way?" He figured whatever the teen was trying to tell him was a symptom of whatever was currently ailing him. His mind was racing through all the possibilities ranging from the ones that weren't so bad, minor things, to worry about the spawn's heart. Stress could do more to a person then just cause their stomach pain and he worried that that stress might be affecting boy's heart.

"I promise I will do everything I can to make you feel better, just like I did last time." He said in a reassuring voice, "Now, please. I need you to try to calm down." As he said this he reached out to run his fingers through Aludra's pretty cotton candy colored hair.

Aludra couldn't stop the sobs from constantly hitching his voice, and every time he tried to speak, everything that he had to say completely vanished. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't go with the man, he knew that. He knew that Aden was a doctor, and believed that there was something honestly wrong with him. Which, of course, there was, but it wasn't something that Aden was going to be able to fix.

He shook his head slowly. He wasn't going with Aden, wasn't going into the Facility. "Nothing's wr-wrong..." he hiccuped, voice raspy and off-sounding, wrapping his arms around himself once again. "At l-least nothing tha-at he -that A-A-Aden- c-can fix..." he rasped, knowing that what he was going to say would ruin any chance he ever had at so much as talking to the man again. He didn't want it to end, he didn't want to stop...

...but he wouldn't survive losing Lira.

"We. We can't, Aden. I- I-" he stammered out, before his voice was once again washed away by tears, overtaking his speech once again. Why, why did this have to happen?! He didn't want to leave!! He didn't want to!! "I w-w-on't g-go with y-y-you. I c-c-can't. Anymore. E-e-ever. I c-c-ca-an't, A-A-Ad-den..." he explained shakily, wishing that he could get his point across.

He didn't push the other man's hand away when it was brushed through his pale pink hair, only letting his head drop. Tears dripped from his face one-by-one to the ground, leaving a faint pattern across the concrete. The affection only made it hurt more, only made him realize that he wouldn't know something like this again. At least, nothing quite like this... never... again?  

[lux eternelle]

Needless to say the Doctor was more then a little confused if the look on his face was to be believed. He starred at his lover for a long moment before stepped in closer, his hands both moving to cup Aludra's cheeks in a gentle manner before he lifted the teen's face to look up at him, "Alulu...? I don't understand." He murmured, "What's wrong? Did I do something to hurt you?" He asked, wondering if perhaps he'd to friendly? Held him to tightly? He wasn't sure but he found himself worried about something entirely new now, "Just tell me what it was I did wrong and I will change it, Alulu." He said in an ever gentle manner before he lowered his head to press a kiss to Aludra's forehead. He wasn't sure what he'd done but he was determined to fix it. The idea of losing his cute little lover wasn't one that he liked in any way, shape, or form...

"Please, don't say that you won't or can't... Just talk to me, we can figure this out." He told him, running his thumbs along Aludra's cheeks to wipe away the tears that were falling from the teen's eyes. He felt his heart clench at that expression, seeing him so sad and in pain... it made Aden want to make it better, to help him smile again that cute smile of his again.

Aludra's lower lip quivered at the feel of those loving hands pressed against his cheeks, and he bit gently at it. He couldn't break down completely. But at least Aden knew what he meant now. Just... how could he possibly explain himself? How could he tell Aden, the only one he'd ever expressed his love for, the only one he'd ever been with, the first person to help him get better instead of just hating him for his flaws... how could he tell that man that there was someone else, someone Aludra was afraid that he would honestly fall apart without?

At this time, it seemed as though Aden was that person...

The sob that broke from his lips at the idea of Aden having done something wrong sounded vaguely like a bemused laugh, a painful feeling that only further added to the tightness in his chest. He shook his head. It was all he knew how to do, and at least it told the man that, no, he hadn't done anything wrong. He could never do anything wrong, at least not that Aludra could imagine...

The kiss only made him shake more, sob just that much harder. It made him want to fall against his chest, wrap his arms tightly around the man's waist, never let go again. He wanted so much to just give in to such a wonderful image, such a perfect idea. But thinking of it only reminded him that if he gave in, Lirona would fade from his life forever. It was like thinking of a picture of himself, his life, with the colour drained out of it forever, the passion gone. No matter how much he was loathe to admit it, Lira had been... she'd always been a driving force to him. She'd always been the passion that backed his every action. He couldn't believe he hadn't done this sooner, long before being wrapped tightly around Aden's ring finger.

He felt a sob choke his words again when the doctor rubbed his tears away, and shook his head, raising his own hand to scrape the sleeve of his sweater across his patchy face. "I'm s-sorry... I'm so-o so-orry..." he whimpered, placing both of his tremulous hands atop Aden's, lifting them slowly and lifting them from his cheeks, handing both back to Aden as though he was returning a gift from God himself.

"I-it's my-y own st-st-stupid f-fault..." he stammered weakly, keeping his voice quiet in the hopes of not allowing it to be consumed by his tears once again. "I sh-sh-shouldn't h-have st-started any of thi-is in the fi-i-irst place. No-ot when I kne-ew that there existed so-omeone who c-could unr-ravel it at the s-eams without even t-trying... I sh-shou-ouldn't ha-ave let you b-believe th-th-that this w-w-w... w-would ha... that th-this," he tried to continue, but his voice was bogged down with too much emotion and he hugged himself more tightly, trying to keep from doubling over at the pain inside of himself, trying to keep from collapsing again.

"I sh-shouldn't ha-ave let y-y-you think tha-a-at you wo-would... th-that this c-cou-could have la-last f-f-f-fore-ev-ever..." Yet the tone in his voice betrayed one simple fact. Not only had he led Aden to believe that they would last, that they could be happy; but that he had convinced himself that it would be possible, as well.


Aden's eyes went a bit wide behind his glasses as Aludra pushed his hand back to him and for a moment he was standing there frozen, then slowly seemed to start to understand what was being said to him. Someone else? There was something else in Aludra's life? Then to be told that Aludra shouldn't have let Aden think that this would last forever. He starred for a long moment as though he were trying to figure out what it was that he should say before he took a step back to put distance between himself and Aludra.

Slowly the Doctor crossed his arms over his chest and he put a smile on his lips that didn't quite reach his eyes, "I see... I suppose that I couldn't expect someone like you to stay with a boring old man like me." He said, seeming to be trying to keep his voice steady. It wasn't as though he were the the sort that had planned to settle down anyway, had rather enjoyed his freedom and flirting with anyone interesting that came along. When Aludra came into his life he had ended up doing exactly the opposite of what he'd been used to doing so long, had spent his time either with the pink haired spawn or waiting for him to arrived, had gotten to used to the meals shared with him, to used to being affectionate with him.

"I am sorry for pushing you into something you weren't interested in Aludra." He said, using the spawn's given name for the first time in a long time, "Perhaps its time for you to go home."

Aludra could practically feel the emotions radiating off of the doctor in waves. The exact feelings that Aludra had been expecting, had told himself to anticipate. The exact feelings that he couldn't stand. The feelings that, no matter how prepared he was to experience, he wanted to fix immediately. But he was no longer a player in this game of give-and-take. He was no longer the solution to the problem that he'd now presented. Now, he was the problem. He was the pain that someone else would have to ease from his loving doctor's- from the loving doctor's heart.

He only sobbed louder once he realized that, as well. Aden was no longer his. Willingly, he had pushed away someone who actually wanted him. Not someone who wanted him so much that they would threaten to leave, threaten to break him if he didn't forfeit everything else. Someone who wanted him just to have him close, just to love and be loved by that stupid, selfish, obnoxious, ridiculous greed child who could never figure out what it was that he truly wanted, at least not above anything else.

Right now, he just wanted Aden to be happy.

But he couldn't do anything to fix that.

"A-A-Aden, pl-please, I di-idn't me-ean... I d... I ne-ever li-ied to you. Ho-owever y-you want t-t-to take tha-at, fi-ine, but ju-ust re-e-emember th-th-that wha-atever I've s-s-said to y-you... I ne-never lied t-to y-y-you..." Aludra whimpered, trying to tell the man that he loved him, he had, he did, he had wanted this, wanted him so much more than he could ever put into words. And that was as well as he could say it without only making everything worse.

The last place his tri-coloured eyes drifted to was the man's pinky finger, where a small, silver-banded ring clung to him. A purity ring. A ring that was supposed to be worn my someone who abstained, by someone who still carried with them any kind of purity. Yet, for Aludra, it was his purity. It was that which had kept him innocent, that which he had handed off to the first person he had ever truly loved, both emotionally and physically.

He didn't make it an entire block away before his weakened legs gave out beneath him. Falling to his knees, Aludra curled into himself once again, crying quietly to himself as he clawed at his skin, desperate to bleed the emotions out which were killing him from the inside, allow them to ease out from irritated pores on his olive skin. But no matter how much he bled, the pain didn't leave. It didn't subside. It didn't changed.

Nothing was going to change.  

[lux eternelle]

Idle Hands are the Devil's Playthings

Aludra clutched his terribly put-together, hand-made doll tightly to his chest. Tears were pouring down his face and mingling with the blood dripping from various wounds that he'd inflicted while making the little doll, cuts that had been made with the pins and needles, though he made absolutely sure to keep from getting much of his blood on the ragdoll's skin. But that was just an attempt. And no one was perfect.

Especially not him.

He trembled at remembering the event only a few weeks before, and then the week-or-moe before that. In one, Lira had hugged him, Lira had kissed him, Lira had even admitted that she was in love with him and accepted his feelings likewise. But then... then he'd been stupid. He'd taken that one moment way too far.

He couldn't help it! It had fueled his greed, that which he'd felt toward Lira for much of his life, and made it feel as though she actually belonged to him when she risked kissing him. He let out a choked sob as he shuffled down the hall, the lights all dim, everyone asleep as far as he was aware. He hoped that Ty had left already, for fear of what he would find otherwise. He shouldn't have taken that one meeting as a go-ahead to kiss Lira forcefully, against her will, in front of her boyfriend. Since then, or perhaps since a more recent event, he'd been locked in his room, slicing away at long-untouched skin with an equally neglected razor blade and slowly building a doll.

It was nothing special. After all, he'd made it. No less, it wasn't like the nice and beautiful things that he'd gotten her before, it was just a stupid, shitty cloth doll. It's legs and arms weren't the same length, he couldn't find any matching buttons for its eyes, and they were therefore different sizes. It was wearing also handmade clothing that was supposed to be removable, had Aludra not accidentally sewn his precious ribbon to it - the very same ribbon with the four feathers that had been tied around the halo he once had, also attached to the little doll. Around its neck was a pawn from his favourite chess set.

A shaking hand reached upward, the short teenager looking only more pathetic and meek with his hair down and disheveled, wearing nothing but his pajamas. After a moment, he closed his eyes tightly, the doll gripped in one hand, and knocked gently at the girl's door, heart threatening to burst from his chest as a result of the stupidity of this idea.

Lucky for Aludra, Lirona hadn't been having the most restful night either. The transgirl tossed and turned on her bed, unable to let her mind be at peace. She supposed it was anger, and sighed as she sat up in bed; this anger was tiring business.

But she couldn't help it. Ever since stupid ALUDRA had had the nerve to- to do that... THING, and in front of Ty no less, her skin had felt on fire every time she thought of him. Which was, of course, all the time, a fact that made the entire situation more infuriating. He just- God damn it, nothing gave him the right! For once she was trying to move on and be a normal person, and now this?! She sighed heavily, her equivalent of cursing, and buried her face in her hands.

Because she couldn't forget how, in a round-about manner of speaking, he DID have the right. It had only been a little more than a week since she and Aludra had practically confessed their feelings to each other; they'd even kissed. But at the same time, back then ALUDRA had told her to wait... She groaned. This was all too confusing!

Unfortunately for the Lust spawn, things were only going to get more confusing. At first she thought she'd imagined the light rap on her door, but curiosity spurred her on. Drawing her robe around her, afraid that it might be another kidnapper, she peeked around the door, only to see...

"A- Aludra...? Whuh... What are you doing up?" she asked numbly, blinking as she tried to make sense of this odd situation. Golden eyes widened as she noticed the drops of blood on his fingers, and a hand went to her mouth. "Wh-What happened? Aludra, what are you doing?" She couldn't help the edge that came into her voice. A part of her screamed at his sudden appearance, wanting more than anything for him to leave her alone! But at the same time...

The boy's face was dipped down as far as he could manage, all hidden behind his hair, while still being able to see his friend, for the sake of hiding the fresh cuts that covered his half-scaled skin. He trembled gently, stiffening when the door opened and holding the doll in both of his hands. He knew what she'd done to the rest of them, knew she'd thrown them away, broken them, fed up with his indecision. He didn't blame her in the least.

He didn't want to give her an answer, though. He was... he was alone now, too. That didn't help him at all, hadn't helped his kissing of that stupid girl, hadn't suddenly meant that she would be available just because he was. He had panicked then. He didn't understand how he could love two people. He wanted to stay with Aden... he loved the man so much... and yet he'd broken his heart. Because it was him. Of course, of course; how could anyone be happy when Aludra By'arre was involved.

The male stayed quiet in regards to the question and he simply thrust the doll out towards her, directly in front of him in both hands. "Here. Pl-please don't thr-row it aw-way..." he stammered awkwardly, rough and tear-stained voice cracking in the middle of it. As soon as it left his hands, he turned and began to head back down the hallway, shoulders shaking with the sobs that he refused to express.

Lira simply stared at Aludra, unable to wrap her mind around this sudden... regression of character. This wasn't like the man that Aludra had become at all. The Aludra that stood in front of her was more like the poor boy he'd been in his younger years; all broken and confused. Conveniently for Aludra, this just happened to be the part of him that tugged at Lira's heartstrings the most, although at this point it just kept her from slamming the door in his face.

She started and stared dumbly at the doll, looking in confusion up at the boy as she took it out of reflex. His words made her heart quiver, and she bit her lip to keep it from trembling. Of course he must have known that she wasn't exactly keeping his gifts, but to hear him plead like that... She inspected the doll, if only to have something to attach her reeling mind to, and found it painfully adorable. A small coo, sad and low, came from her lips as she turned the pitiful thing over; the amount of effort Aludra had put into this was so much that she could practically feel it. It was almost enough to make her cry.

When she looked up again, Aludra was halfway down the hall. Startled, she hesitated only a second before rushing down the hall after him, catching his hand as he walked. "Wait," she whispered, wary of the other people sleeping. A hint of a sob tinted her voice as she repeated the plea. "Wait."

Without knowing what she was doing, Lira wrapped her arms around the depressed male, Jake clinging reverently to the doll as she smiled sadly into the crook of his neck. "Shhh, Aludra. It's okay, I won't throw it away." She retracted slightly, taking the precious thing into her hands as she spoke. "It's... It's wonderful. I love it." She shot him a glowing smile. "Really."

Aludra completely froze when he felt Lira's hand close around his, obviously having either ignored or not noticed her footsteps hurrying behind him. He felt a cold shock crawl up his spine as goosebumps erupted down his arms, heart pounding ferociously in his chest, the sound of wings filling his ears and overlying anything that fell from Lira's voice.

A whimper fell past his lips when he was turned around and he retorted by slamming his teeth through his lower lip without hesitation. No was he was going to cry in front of Lira. But he was already crying... then he wasn't going to sob. The spawn wasn't going to make a single, upset noise in front of the woman that he'd fallen so deeply in love with, and that was the final word on the matter.

No, wait, that smile was the final word. That beautiful smile, so bright, and directed, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, on him. The tears spilled over once again, stinging and burning the cuts on his face as the open wounds drank in that salty liquid. With that, his arms were thrown around the girl's shoulders, feeling oddly deterred by the new fleshy growths that made up her chest, not accustomed to how slim her shoulders had become. What had changed...?

Yet that was far from the first thing on his mind as he buried his face into her shoulder, gently taking in a mouthful of her pajamas shoulder to muffle the sounds before he started sobbing pitifully, entire frame shaking against his childhood friend. He was so alone without Aden, without any true friends. He had no Lira. His sister was gone, with a family to care for. He was so alone... so alone...

And Lirona Lorcalle was the only thing in his world that mattered anymore.

Lirona smoothly let Aludra into her arms, shushing the teenager quietly as he cried. She was too tired to pretend that she was mad at him anymore when that was so obviously not true, just like it wasn't true that she was THAT interested in Tykier. Even if they had once held some truth in them, by now they had been reduced to just necessary lies. This moment, right now, was the truth.

The pair stood their for what felt like forever, Lirona quietly trying to take all of Aludra's pain as he cried on her shoulder. Jake even tried in his clumsy way to help, wrapping around Aludra's back gently and petting him as best he could. However, she knew that they could not stay there for long and, as much as she loved him, NOTHING could ruin this moment more than either of her parents finding them. So, with the gentlest of hands, Lira edged Aludra's face away from her shoulder, smiling and stroking his cheek gently before she took hold of his hand. "C'mon," she muttered into the darkness, leading him to her room.

Once they were there, Lira sat Aludra down on her bed, making sure that she placed the adorable doll on her desk in front of him. She didn't want him panicking and thinking that she had lied to him. That done, she quickly moved to sit by him, hand going instinctively back to his, as if they'd never been apart. With a worried expression, she pushed his bangs away with her other hand, a low gasp coming forth at the sight of the scars that covered his beautiful face. "Aludra... Oh, 'Ludra, what did you do...?" she asked sadly, hand cupping his cheek as gently as it could. Oh, if she knew that being mean would break his heart so much, she'd never have done it!

Aludra could do nothing but try to cling tighter to his friend, his dearest love, the one he wanted to have and to hold for the rest of his life, no questions asked. Gender no longer mattered. He'd finally, finally gotten over that arrogant, self-centered portion of his personality. Trembling gently, he only clung tighter when she tried to pry him off. A quiet whimper passed from his lips as he dislodged his teeth from her clothing, wincing at the blood that had gotten onto her pretty, pretty nightgown.

But what she did made his movement better. She took him with her. She actually allowed him into her room without him having to sneak around awkwardly. He took her hand as though it was his tether to this earth and followed her quietly, taking a hesitant seat on the edge of bed and looking at the ground. Tri-coloured eyes raised slightly when the doll was moved, watching as the small thing was placed in a seated position on the desk, the way it was made to sit. That was why its legs didn't hang quite right.

The nearness of the one he'd finally truly realized was now truly female made Aludra almost uncomfortable. His tail flicked gently and he looked toward the ground, hand gripping her's tightly and relishing in the pinpricks that the contact caused. When his hair was moved away, revealing the scars that covered much more than just his face, he bit his lip, smiling ruefully. "I broke up with Aden." Well, it was what he did.

Aludra's answer to her question almost made Lira sob, one hand going to her mouth and eyes shining sorrowful sympathy. She couldn't shake the feeling that she had a central role in the dissolving of the only relationship that Aludra had actually enjoyed. And here she was, practically shoving her boyfriend in his face. Tears began to pour down her cheeks as she realized what precisely she'd done, and she shook her head, ignoring the hair that fell into her eyes. "I'm- I'm so sorry, 'Ludra..."

Unable to restrain herself, the girl threw her arms around the boy, biting into her lips to keep her sobs relatively silent. It has always killed her to see Aludra harm himself so, but it had been so long, she'd thought that perhaps he'd broken the habit. Apparently, the distinct opposite was true, and the fact that she hadn't been expecting this reaction ate away at Lira. God, what on Earth had possessed her to be so cruel to her fragile crush? She already knew that she could never bear to do it again.

After a minute or two, Lira had regained enough of herself to sit back up. Smiling through her tears, she wiped them away quickly, eyes looking deeply at Aludra's face. A shaky sigh attempted to clear her lungs, and her hand trembled as it stroked his cheek once again. "I-I could f-f-fix this, y'know," she rasped lightly. "A-At least it would h-he-help them heal faster..." Even as she spoke, her lips were drawing closer to that gorgeous olive skin, magical energy sparking out and working to mend the scars as they brushed against his cheek. Lira's heartbeat fluttered helplessly in her chest, dimly aware of the fact that she shouldn't be doing this.

Then again, she didn't really care.

Saying it out loud only made it that much more real. One hand raised shakily from his lap and pressed against his chest, where a sudden pain had shot through what he could only say was his heart. He winced further, fingers clasping into his shirt before the sobs broke from his lips. Hurt, painful sobs, knowing that it was all his fault that he'd ruined so many of his relationships. All of his relationships...

He didn't care who it was hugging him. Usually his thoughts of Aden were preferred with no other contact but the loving, sweet doctor whose heart he'd shattered and ground into the pavement. But he didn't have that man anymore. Lira was the only friend he had, and the only hope he had for comfort. He didn't hesitate when she threw her arms around him, wrapping his arms tightly around her as well, one hand winding into her hand and the other tightly secured around her slim waist.

When she moved to pull back, he shook his head, likely smearing blood across his crush's cheek. He wasn't going to let her out of his arms, at least not now, though he did listen to what the girl had to say. Aludra didn't understand quite what she meant, having never heard of her magical ability. The spawn's own maimed heart pounded at the feel of Lira's lips against his cheek, and he completely lost control. He turned his head and held fast the fingers in her hair, pressing his lips against her's, the magic making him tingle from the inside out as he simply held her there, too scared to even risk breathing.

Lira didn't mind being pulled back into Aludra's arms, even if it meant her cheeks got covered in blood. In actuality, having the boy tug her into an embrace had been part of Lira's dreams for quite a while now. Her heart beat quadruple-time in her chest as she felt the strong, warm arms around her. If not for the depressing circumstances, she would be jumping for joy.

But maybe that moment wasn't too far off. Not sensing Aludra's intentions, Lirona was caught completely off-guard when her lips met other lips and not flesh, golden eyes shooting wide open as her face went up in embarrassed flame. She- She was kissing him! HER, kissing, and BEING KISSED BY, him! There was a moment when the poor girl almost went into shock, dizzy from how happy she was. It was as if all of her childhood dreams (okay, dreams in general) had decided to come true on this one magical night. To someone like Lira, that wasn't an impossible option.

Her hands started trembling as she kissed Aludra back, hands cupping his face and then reaching around to embrace him. Her eyes slipped shut, each breath very unsteady as she pressed her lips hard against those of her love, a small tongue eventually finding the courage to poke out. Lira was unafraid tonight, and was ready to make the magic last as long as she could, for Aludra's sake as well as hers.

It was different this time. The first it was painful and awkward, completely unwelcome. The second time it had been long and gentle, fragile as though too much passion would destroy the illusion. The third was needy and desperate, to get as much into one minute as was possible. The fourth was one-sided once again, backwards this time. Finally, there was this. Their fifth kiss, but the first that felt completely right. It wasn't one-sided, it wasn't hidden or pretended as though in a dream. It wasn't timed, there was nowhere they needed to be, no one they needed to hide from. The night belonged to the both of the young teenagers, and that was all that mattered.

The magic added a strange effect. It made Aludra's insides flutter and flicker like he was filled with fireflies, though he was sure that that explanation made no sense outside of his brain. Both arms that were wrapped around the female tightened slightly, pulling her closer before adjusting slightly, honestly lifting Lira into his lap, not concerned about the height difference or the difficulties surrounding it as he kissed the girl deeply and sweetly, tail curling back and forth on the bed.

When Lirona's small tongue poked out experimentally, he gave a soft moan, matching the movement without a drop of hesitance, trembling slightly at the new level of intimacy that their little make-out session had attained, and wanting to make it so Lira wasn't the only one taking steps further. Slowly, he lowered the girl onto the bed, keeping their mouths together for each and every moment, before he was laying half on her side, one hand still in her hair, the other left to explore this new body of her's, fingers skimming over her sheer nightgown ever-so-gently.

-fade to black...-  

[lux eternelle]

Sekrit Initial Meeting goes here. <3  

[lux eternelle]

Journal

Aludra's Journal

I... I... I...

___s**t!

___Being a teenager is a difficult thing. A difficult thing indeed, if there was any single person who ever told you otherwise. I have experienced both the good and bad of them. In fact, I believe I've experienced both the best and worst things about being a teenager, although I'm going to also say: I seemed to have learned of them far too close together.

___For one, the best thing I was quoted as saying, about being a teenager... I... well, with Lira, I... I mean, we... did It.

___Y'know, It! The thing that means what you think it means, the thing that is censored and broadcast on the television and radio far too much for anyone's liking!! That's- we did that!!

___But you know how that can often, when done in a certain way, lead to... and infant? Well, yeah, I understood that too (a few days later...) but it usually is a while afterward that such a thing happens. Well... that didn't get to happen for me. Instead of getting to wait months and go through all the steps, a little girl was dropped into my arms.

___No, she wasn't born of myself or my Lirona. She was... I'm not sure. She was given to me by a sweet girl who I honestly would have felt bad about denying. She was so excited about the idea of my being a parent that I couldn't tell her that I didn't want it. So I took her home.

___It -I mean, she- isn't actually that much of a problem. She's always asleep and, even when she cries, it's quiet and usually about something adorable that's easy to mend. The little tyke is growing on me a lot quicker than I thought she would... her name is Demetre. Demetre Margaret By'arre. My new baby. My little princess.

___My sleeping beauty. ♥

-Aludra Wezen By'arre

 

[lux eternelle]

Noah's Journal

I feel... detached.

___True, that's probably not a lot coming from me, ah-hah-hah, I'm a pill popper, yes, I understand. But it's not that, and it's not related to that. All of my kids... all of them are growing up. Adhara already moved out, moving in with her girlfriend 'Zuba. They're... adorable together, really, with a family of already three children, another one on the way, or so I hear. Aludra is definitely growing up as well, at least maturing even if he hasn't physically grown in quite a while.

___Silas... Silas is gone. Not gone as in 'dead', gone as in he's never home. He's always in a plane, always flying around the world, trying to build a bridge to take him effortlessly from this life to the next. I've heard his stories. I've heard his beliefs. I believe him completely, how could I not? I've never seen someone admit something that, to them, was the ultimate truth before... Yet I think it's the stupidest thing in the entire ******** world.

___Why does he need to do that? To thank this mystery person for giving him his life back? What kind of thanks would that be, going to thank someone about a gift that you therein decided to throw right back in their face?! Why would anyone do that?! Not only would he be leaving me, his kids, his family, his life behind, but he would be giving that kid a giant F-U!

___Whatever... he's going to do what he's gon'na do, I guess. Not a lot I can do to stop him without seeming clingy, obsessive, selfish, mean, whatever-the-hell else you want to call me. Or, uh, whatever he'd want to call me, and Lord knows he'd be able to think of a ton and a half more things that I would be for objecting to his blatant stupidity.

___Doesn't matter, once again. I don't feel connected to my children anymore, either. Adhara hasn't called in a while, and the last time I called her, she was in a hurry to get out the door -at least, that's what she said- and she hung up before I could even open my mouth a second time. Aludra... he's talked to me once. One time he's gone through the process of actively seeking my company. All he asked was if he could have Adhara's old room, for what, I'm not sure. Knowing that that was the only reason he wanted to talk to me, I didn't care. I said he could do whatever the hell he wanted with it.

___Haleriun and Corentine are usually gone, usually at the house where they live with their relatives. Doesn't bother me, either. Not like I ever got along with Hale - he always hated me, though I don't quite know why. Coren never seemed to like me much either, at least not as much as Silas, and Hale only ever really liked Aludra...

___I heard tell-tale sounds coming from Lirona's room the other night on top of that. Sounds that were impossible to be misconstrued. Not that I wasn't expecting that eventually, and for that matter, I was kind of waiting for that to happen. They've always loved each other, and anyone who couldn't see that was blind. Aludra, especially.

___I need to lay down. I feel more alone than I ever have in years, writing this only making me moreso. Hah... I probably shouldn't take pills like this. It's stupid. I'm just like Silas. Gon'na kill myslef one days if I'm not too careful...

-Noah

 

[lux eternelle]

[PD] Happy... Tofurkey Day? [The By'arre Family & Friends]  

[fallingUPstairs__x x]

[BRUDDER! Wait... - Aludra, Hale, and Seth]  

[fallingUPstairs__x x]

[Pretty Baby - Aludra, Damien, and Demetre]  

[fallingUPstairs__x x]

[Interactive Shenanigans! - Demetre and Serendipity (Zetetic)]