I do the things I do with time.
It's hard waiting and I'm a super unpatient person.
Waiting on things gets under my skin but getting out of my parents house was well worth the wait.
That is similar to my life.
I have always been a bigger person not obese but not the right weight and I was made fun of A LOT because of it.
Not only that my mom was in an abusive relationship with my real dad.
But my dad treated me as if I was his little angel.
But I was only five around this time so when they got a divorce my mom's pent up agression went to the closet person and the person who looked the most like my dad.
So up until now still my mom loathes me because of my dad.
But even though I've lost the main women in my life to hate I still sometimes feel and see a mom I once knew.
It hurts to know she dislikes me so deeply for something that was never my fault but it's much better then no mom at all.
And like you I was a mean kid.
Not at first though.
I was actually really nice in elementary school.
I hoped and prayed that if I was nice to the people who were mean to me because I was "fat" would finally realize I'm actually a nice person just bigger then the other kids.
But when that didn't help instead of being bullied I became the bully.
At school I was really really mean picking on people that every one else picked on because I so badly wanted to be liked by anyone for any reason.
But at home I was bullied by my own mother so I could go to school and be as mean as I could with NO regret.
But know that I'm older and understand that bullying will just make people hate you I regret every mean thing I ever did and said.
I wish I could take it back but all I can do is grow and learn.
I'm not proud of my past but I'll make sure my furture WILL be something I'm proud of.