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Hiya~
I owe this site a journal entry.
Blank as the sheet of paper on my back. The spine bumps do not deform it in the slightest, the paper is flat. Like my back. Word?

One day I'll be old and die.
Trite common realizations we all accept.
I might not even be old.
I haven't done anything I'm proud of, but I'm predisposed to never be proud of anything.

Humans do things to be remembered, I try making positive differences and being the guy people like. Often times I feel like this makes me forgettable. A character has flaws, where do my flaws shine through? I am lazy, yet I am subject to bursts of energy and motivation. This is probably a common theme among all humans. Another reason to strip me of my uniqueness.

When it comes down to it, interaction with new people boils down to physical properties of a person. Not like actual physical properties, but like chemistry physical properties (metaphorically!). What an awful metaphor, the point of a physics property is that it can be reverted. Unfortunately, I cannot revert my height. However, these physical properties are non-essential to the makeup of a chemical, the exciting explosions, the odor of methamphetamine.

To elaborate.
I am tall. Anyone over the age of 35 will comment on this. My peers will too. I don't comment on it, but when I one taller than me, I notice it. It's unnatural, looking at eye level isn't it. A hypocrite yet I have a right to feel frustrated when I hear the same filler talk day in day out.

I have blue eyes. A rarer compliment, one I frequently downplay by saying all serial killers have blue eyes.

I talk like a stoner, I act like a stoner. I did not choose this, others put it on me. Eloquent language is surprisingly useless, increases the amount of non-essential words one must use in a conversation.

I say pulchritudinous, they say "what?"
I explain it so they know.
They forget in a year. I do too because I don't want to repeat this.
Oh wow! Pretentious the bad part of me says, I really don't care about him anymore. That's why I don't backspace. Well, of course besides the grammar but that's just for proper reading.

This is all just mind slop, automatic words, prose that goes. Grammarly has got my back.

Hanging in the balance of neutrality, yet loving the feeling of taking a side. What a conundrum. Such is my life.


To help readers, this is section two because my in mind has new found a new tangent to pursue (I backspaced, I typed could you tell I don't have much to say, but I refuse to downplay myself).

Section 2
I have a hard time with friends, social beacons of hope, laughter (mostly...), and general feelings of good. Internet friends morseso than real life, but real life friends have problems too. People do things sometimes that hurt, and then they don't apologize for it, are oblivious to it, or pretend nothing has happened.

I am prone to going long times without speaking, yet I see no one initiate conversation with me. The first random message, a breaking of the cycle. Why cannot I get the treatment I give others? Treat others like you would like to be treated, this saying seems to promote altruism but in application, there is no selfishness one can derive from it. Others are not owed to treat you like you want to be treated. They will treat you the same, they will forget you, you will die. What a safe end hypothesis, the one truth we can all come back to. Life dies. Yay!

Yes, a complaint. Brandon has a complaint. I'm sick of people. Get over it invisible person chastising me, and get over anyone has a bad thought about it. Or don't? Hey, if that makes you message me with a complaint, I guess I won in the end anyway! Attention! Yay!

I feel like the world has a lack of practical simple pleasures, simple understandings, wisdom. I want a mentor who gives me these things, but I haven't found one. I'm supposed to get up early today, 3 hours of sleep probably. Hoorah.

I work at a job I don't like.
Still, a giant ******** you to every person that projected their hatred of their own lives by saying, "WAIT TILL YOU BECOME AN ADULT. BILLS! IT'S HARD!" HAHAHAH!! KIDS!!!"
No, it's the same. I didn't need you to tell me.
I have an optimism for the tomorrow, but a fear of the today.
When I have no responsibilites I am bored, when I have them, I am stressed.

Cosmic balance.
Video games.
Greaaaaaaaaaat.

Signing Off
-Captain Pengy

P.S. I reread everything I wrote, and I do say that the two times I thought people might view me negatively for complaining.. those were very mild complaints to say the least. See invisible person? You are completely wrong, good thing I ignore you.