A while back I had a revelation. exclaim Since people love gummy bears, they must also love gum and bears. Genius, right? mrgreen
So my plan was this:
1. I had to start a grizzly breeding program. I needed at least one grizzly for every 25 people at least, so that came out to almost 300 million bears.
2. BUT I couldn't breed that many in time - I only managed about 10,000 or so - so I also implemented steps to first buy up a huge stock of gum, then burned all the gum factories to the ground. 4laugh
3. Using my super effective mind ray ...
TANGENT TIME: It really works! One time I stood in the middle of a road and told the oncoming car to STOP and it did! The brakes were so good on that car I could hear them working -- very loudly! The tolerance of the mind ray is so fine that the car stopped only 2 inches away. I would have prefered it to be closer to engine tolerances, i.e. 0.001", but I think 2 inches is a good start.
... I sent a mental message to the world using my super powerful evil prodigy genius brain and a very large ear trumpet to amplify the soundless waves: "GUMMY BEARS GUMMY BEARS GUMMY BEARS GUMMY BEARS GUM BEARS GUM BEARS GUM BEARS GUM ARE BEARS IS GUM"
This will merge the idea of gum and the idea of bear together in their minds to become harmless delicious gummy bears. cool
What? You don't get it? Well, you'll see. twisted
4. On the hottest Saturday in July when everyone is grilling food outdoors, near forests or other vegetation, and thinking about the gum they were now without until the gum companies could regroup, their jaws itching for something to chew on, I released the bears at strategic locations all across the world. Obviously, their minds, having absorbed my subliminal messaging, now equated gum with bears. The approaching hungry grizzlies should have now looked like massive hunks of gum - salvation! But not really! Destruction and bloodshed! wink
But the power of the human brain did not come through. The bears mostly got shot, having only mauled a few people, and not one person actually began chewing on the deadly "gummy bears" and public order did not descend into anarchy following the loss of so many innocent lives to allow the rise of a new leader, which would have been me. evil
You understand, though, right? How close I was? In hindsight 2 inches of variation with the mind ray was too far. If only I had perfected that 0.001" tolerance. Maybe 0.001mm should have been the figure to shoot for. Bah. The imperial system ruins everything. neutral
...and the gum I stockpiled?
Well, I was gonna chew it up and stick it under every table and chair I could find because that's super evil and horrid but
a) my jaw started hurting
b) I absolutely cannot think of a way that could cause mass chaos and destruction. I mean maybe if you mixed it with a chemical, that, when exposed to human saliva, then air-dried for a certain amount of time, would begin to emit chlorine gas and kill everyone in the room, but that's just too simple. If one thing goes wrong then that's it, it's over. With my other plans such as the gummy bear attempt, at least there's plenty of room for error. 3nodding
what did i just write
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