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The UnH0ly one
angel_259236102
The UnH0ly one
angel_259236102
The UnH0ly one
How is my vow stupid? Riddle me that Batman.

I am not speaking of days I work. Days that we both have work and he's doing nothing but watching Kamen Rider. :


You have that because of precum. But you are using protection. So, what..you arent using a condom and just something else? Isnt it just 10 times more efficient to let people masturbate, and use a condom as well? and not just as 'extra' either, because what youa re doing is not protection as all.

Still you need to talk to him. Just because he is in a relationship, doesnt mean he cant jack off. You need to figure out why there is no sex though, you havent given ANY info on why because oh he masturbated.
Yes, i have protection, I just don't want to risk it and as stated before, condoms hurt. And yes, I have forms of protection.

I didn't say he couldn't... I don't get why you are assuming instead of asking. What other information is needed, We work we don't have sex, when we have time, he would rather masturbate than sex.

Geeze.


Condoms shoudlnt hurt you...unless you are allergic. Try other ones.

No, YOU are assuming. it isnt me assuming to connect the points, from time needed from asturbating to have sex, and you looking down on him for doing so, to it being that you dont really want him to do so and it doesnt make having sex easier.

YOU are the one looking at only one thing, being him masturbating, and making it into some huge thing that he would RATHER masturbate than have sex. As I said, YOU HAVE SHOWN NOTHING TO SHOW THAT BESIDES THE FACT HE MASUTRBATED. Talk to him about the subject already.

Well, the do. I have tried latex, non latex, they all hurt, lube or not.

Whoa, that first paragraph didn't make sense. please explain. And I don't care if he masturbates. It's when he chooses it over me that annoys me.

It is a huge thing when he whacks it almost daily but we haven't had relations in a month. I don't quite understand what else I have to say. Would you like a full psychological analysis of him? I don't get what you are trying to get from me.


Uh...you explaine dit yourself.
Quote:
It is a huge thing when he whacks it almost daily but we haven't had relations in a month.

That is your issue. Becaus it really is going
1. Sex for reason YOU DONT KNOW. to..
2. He masturbates. to..
3. OMG HE MUST LIKE HATE ME OR SOMETHING? HOW CANT HE JUST NOT MASTURBATE AND ******** ME...OH NOOO.

You are making it out to be that because he masturbates that it is the issue, when the issue is that you fail at talking to your boyfriend about sex.
GrandpaJones's avatar

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The UnH0ly one
Okay, so! Much like another persons post here, I am having issues with sexual relations with my Fiance.

Well, when we first were together (4 years ago) We were long distance so when he came into town, sex was an every day thing.

Now, however, not so much. for a while there was 4 months where there was no sex.
Now we are working on another bout of at least a month or so. Now I understand we work different shifts so some days we just literally cannot have relations. However, there have been many occasions where I see his fap rag near the couch on days that I have off. Being one to not want to get pregnant, we vowed to not have sex if he fapped within a few hours and few urinations. (we do have extra means of protection so don't worry)

It just makes me wonder WHY he chooses to fap rather than to have sex with me.

I have not changed since we first met except for losing weight so I wonder.

Other than the lack of sex and occasional but easily fixed arguments, all is good....

What can I do to increase the sex? I have sexy clothing, I have tried seducing him, I have tried quite a few things but bam. nothing. I am afraid it's going to be another 4 months without any and if I go that long, when he finally decides to do something, it hurts. x_X

I would like this relationship NOT to end. Hell, I am engaged to the guy. lol



look sweetie, if you have no communication with him it is going to go down the tubes...you NEED to sit him down and have a heart to heart...normally this situation is the other way around.....normally its the guy wanting more sex....I applaud you but you have to talk to him.

gramps
angel_259236102
The UnH0ly one
angel_259236102
The UnH0ly one
angel_259236102


You have that because of precum. But you are using protection. So, what..you arent using a condom and just something else? Isnt it just 10 times more efficient to let people masturbate, and use a condom as well? and not just as 'extra' either, because what youa re doing is not protection as all.

Still you need to talk to him. Just because he is in a relationship, doesnt mean he cant jack off. You need to figure out why there is no sex though, you havent given ANY info on why because oh he masturbated.
Yes, i have protection, I just don't want to risk it and as stated before, condoms hurt. And yes, I have forms of protection.

I didn't say he couldn't... I don't get why you are assuming instead of asking. What other information is needed, We work we don't have sex, when we have time, he would rather masturbate than sex.

Geeze.


Condoms shoudlnt hurt you...unless you are allergic. Try other ones.

No, YOU are assuming. it isnt me assuming to connect the points, from time needed from asturbating to have sex, and you looking down on him for doing so, to it being that you dont really want him to do so and it doesnt make having sex easier.

YOU are the one looking at only one thing, being him masturbating, and making it into some huge thing that he would RATHER masturbate than have sex. As I said, YOU HAVE SHOWN NOTHING TO SHOW THAT BESIDES THE FACT HE MASUTRBATED. Talk to him about the subject already.

Well, the do. I have tried latex, non latex, they all hurt, lube or not.

Whoa, that first paragraph didn't make sense. please explain. And I don't care if he masturbates. It's when he chooses it over me that annoys me.

It is a huge thing when he whacks it almost daily but we haven't had relations in a month. I don't quite understand what else I have to say. Would you like a full psychological analysis of him? I don't get what you are trying to get from me.


Uh...you explaine dit yourself.
Quote:
It is a huge thing when he whacks it almost daily but we haven't had relations in a month.

That is your issue. Becaus it really is going
1. Sex for reason YOU DONT KNOW. to..
2. He masturbates. to..
3. OMG HE MUST LIKE HATE ME OR SOMETHING? HOW CANT HE JUST NOT MASTURBATE AND ******** ME...OH NOOO.

You are making it out to be that because he masturbates that it is the issue, when the issue is that you fail at talking to your boyfriend about sex.


Uh huh...

1. Yes, I don't know why we don't have sex.
2. yes, he masturbates
3. When the ******** did I say ANY of that. I'm sorry, but I never said anything about him hating me. I'd like to know where you are getting this information.

It IS because he chooses to masturbate over sex with me. We HAVE talked. there was a 6th month period that was ended because we talked. Not that it's important information. You assumed I never spoke with him about it. His answer? "I don't know'

So if I am almost forcing myself on him, he excuses himself and then masturbates an hour later, yes it's a issue.
GrandpaJones


look sweetie, if you have no communication with him it is going to go down the tubes...you NEED to sit him down and have a heart to heart...normally this situation is the other way around.....normally its the guy wanting more sex....I applaud you but you have to talk to him.

gramps
ZOMG A GHOST!

Problem is, we do have communication. He has told me "I don't know" When I ask him why he didn't come to me as opposed to going out to the living room.
FreedomOutlaw's avatar

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Okay, first off, what protection exactly ARE you using? I mean come on, really, you wont have sex right after he's jacked off because of "possible pregnancy"? What about the sperm that enters you when you have sex in general?
As for no sex till after a few urination's, uh, that's unhygienic. Want sex? Shower, wash yourselves, be clean. Sex is then possible even after he's jacked off (if he's 'up for it')

Now for the serious part. You are seriously lacking in the communication part. "I don't know" is not an answer. And obviously you're taking it as the answer. You both need to sit down while you're both relaxed and talk it through. Why does he prefer to masturbate rather than have sex? Does he still find you sexually attractive? Is it, as someone noted in a sense, the insecurity of not being able to perform to expectations?
There is an underlying problem and "I don't know" solves nothing. You need to talk about it, you need to compromise. You need to discuss an equal ground to stand on rather than being on separate islands.

Also, thought about using condoms that are a bigger size? Using female condoms? Exactly what protection ARE you using? Because to be frank, you can fall pregnant on ANY contraceptive, only surefire way not to is to, well, not have sex. You're worrying about falling pregnant but when you do have sex, you're risking that possibility anyway.

Ever thought, maybe, you could use toys to get yourself off? During those times where he's not in the mood or when you've not been able to snatch some time together? It doesn't replace being intimate with another person but it can sure help with those needy feelings.
FreedomOutlaw
Okay, first off, what protection exactly ARE you using? I mean come on, really, you wont have sex right after he's jacked off because of "possible pregnancy"? What about the sperm that enters you when you have sex in general?
As for no sex till after a few urination's, uh, that's unhygienic. Want sex? Shower, wash yourselves, be clean. Sex is then possible even after he's jacked off (if he's 'up for it')

Now for the serious part. You are seriously lacking in the communication part. "I don't know" is not an answer. And obviously you're taking it as the answer. You both need to sit down while you're both relaxed and talk it through. Why does he prefer to masturbate rather than have sex? Does he still find you sexually attractive? Is it, as someone noted in a sense, the insecurity of not being able to perform to expectations?
There is an underlying problem and "I don't know" solves nothing. You need to talk about it, you need to compromise. You need to discuss an equal ground to stand on rather than being on separate islands.

Also, thought about using condoms that are a bigger size? Using female condoms? Exactly what protection ARE you using? Because to be frank, you can fall pregnant on ANY contraceptive, only surefire way not to is to, well, not have sex. You're worrying about falling pregnant but when you do have sex, you're risking that possibility anyway.

Ever thought, maybe, you could use toys to get yourself off? During those times where he's not in the mood or when you've not been able to snatch some time together? It doesn't replace being intimate with another person but it can sure help with those needy feelings.


Responses in order.
I am using birth control and he never finishes thus no sperm inside me. How is urination unhygienic? It cleans out a spot that showering cannot reach. As stated previously, it's not a hygiene issue. And no, it takes him a few hours before he can be up to it again.

I am not taking it as an answer, I am merely asking here for advice. Maybe a guy's perspective or such.

Condoms of any size or gender hurt. Hell, anything with any rubbery substance (condoms, dildos, ect hurts)
BC decreases the risk to .01% Being that he doesn't finish inside, or even get close, that's even less of a risk.

I use toys all the time. My needs is not an issue. It's the fact that we have no sexual intimacy any more. :
Sometimes when your with someone for so long, the sexual spark might fade out a bit. Usually it comes back. Sounds like he's having a moment. You said you've tried seducing him... what does he do if you try? Does he reject you? Does he screw you with lack of enthusiasm?

And although your vow isn't the point of the topic, it could be one of the reasons why he isn't putting out. Men jerk off, maybe multiple times a day if they wanted. If you have birth control and he doesn't even finish inside of you then whats the big deal?

Me and my bf use pills, he pulls out. The doctor told me that the pill is effective enough that even if you had him c** inside you, you'd have a unlikely chance of getting pregnant. So taking that out of proportion since he doesn't spill his man seed in you... then whats the issue? You don't HAVE to use condoms to have safe sex. Condoms fail like anything else could. But intercourse is going to tempt fate no matter what you try to do.

Do you blow him before sex? If so, then wouldn't that pull up the precum anyway?
And you know men ooze precum during sex so you might have a bit inside regardless. So yes, your vow is ridiculous and paranoid.

I think maybe he's bored... do yall tend to do the same positions in the same location? Sometimes that will turn a guy off. I have that problem right now.

So I suppose all you can do is just talk to him. Explain that you don't feel sexy or desired anymore and why he isn't slammin' yo salami as much as he used to and take it from there.
Ixithel
Sometimes when your with someone for so long, the sexual spark might fade out a bit. Usually it comes back. Sounds like he's having a moment. You said you've tried seducing him... what does he do if you try? Does he reject you? Does he screw you with lack of enthusiasm?

And although your vow isn't the point of the topic, it could be one of the reasons why he isn't putting out. Men jerk off, maybe multiple times a day if they wanted. If you have birth control and he doesn't even finish inside of you then whats the big deal?

Me and my bf use pills, he pulls out. The doctor told me that the pill is effective enough that even if you had him c** inside you, you'd have a unlikely chance of getting pregnant. So taking that out of proportion since he doesn't spill his man seed in you... then whats the issue? You don't HAVE to use condoms to have safe sex. Condoms fail like anything else could. But intercourse is going to tempt fate no matter what you try to do.

Do you blow him before sex? If so, then wouldn't that pull up the precum anyway?
And you know men ooze precum during sex so you might have a bit inside regardless. So yes, your vow is ridiculous and paranoid.

I think maybe he's bored... do yall tend to do the same positions in the same location? Sometimes that will turn a guy off. I have that problem right now.

So I suppose all you can do is just talk to him. Explain that you don't feel sexy or desired anymore and why he isn't slammin' yo salami as much as he used to and take it from there.
He doesn't do that multiple times a day, because he can't. He can only really do it once a day, twice if he is super energetic. Thus the few hours is nothing. It's not being paranoid, it's just merely not harming him.

No, I usually don't blow him before sex. As far as what I have researched there is no sperm in precum, just left over from previous rounds.

He says he likes the same position. I am usually the adventurous one. lol
FreedomOutlaw's avatar

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Ixithel

Me and my bf use pills, he pulls out. The doctor told me that the pill is effective enough that even if you had him c** inside you, you'd have a unlikely chance of getting pregnant. So taking that out of proportion since he doesn't spill his man seed in you... then whats the issue? You don't HAVE to use condoms to have safe sex. Condoms fail like anything else could. But intercourse is going to tempt fate no matter what you try to do.

The full idea of "safe sex" is to prevent against both pregnancy and STD's (which can be potentially fatal, either to ones health or to ones life) But yes, as I also said, even with contraception pregnancy is possible. (My sister has been on the pill, used condoms, had the implant, and still fell pregnant on each. Nuff said really.)
Ixithel
Do you blow him before sex? If so, then wouldn't that pull up the precum anyway?
And you know men ooze precum during sex so you might have a bit inside regardless. So yes, your vow is ridiculous and paranoid.

Although research shows that pre-c** is not as swimmer-filled as a full on orgasm, (aimed at the OP's following post), there is actually still a chance of there being active sperm in pre-c**. It's rare, yes, but still possible, to fall pregnant even using the withdrawal method (how do you think some teens and "surprised" couples/women fell pregnant? By believing that pre-c** isn't a pregnancy risk).
So I agree with this poster (and would've actually said this myself if they hadn't said it first).

Something to take note of. If your man is not circumcised (I don't particularly wish to know if he is or not, to be honest) showering would still be hygienic. Take your theory that urinating flushes out the c**. If he's not snipped, any sperm droplets are easily caught under the foreskin. Same would go for urine. Biggest health issue for men in this area with foreskin is not properly cleaning themselves.
If your man is circumcised then this isn't an issue. If he isn't, it can be an issue. Like I said, I don't wish to hear details.

As a random thought, why not get each other off without it being intercourse? Right now he's fine to masturbate but not up for sex, why not make that your intimate time, while you're going through a "dry spell"? And again Ix said it, explain how it's making you feel.
Ok, so you've explicitly asked him "why do you jack off instead of doing it with me?"
and he's said "i don't know"?
if so, that's not a good enough answer. obviously, because you're asking us for advice.
you need to talk about it more in depth than that.
ask him if he's still attracted to you like he used to be-- a little direct and harsh, but hell,
you need to know. ask him if it's just because it's easier, or performance anxiety.
ask him if it's just that hand-on-the-p***s feels better (in which case you can compromise
by having sex to fulfill your need for intimacy and end with a handjob so he gets his)

make a checklist, girl. you need to prod him for answers because "i don't know" isn't going to cut it.
Quote:
I see his fap rag near the couch


:/
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USE condom, no matter if you use puill out, it still a risk. Pre c**!


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GrandpaJones's avatar

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The UnH0ly one
GrandpaJones


look sweetie, if you have no communication with him it is going to go down the tubes...you NEED to sit him down and have a heart to heart...normally this situation is the other way around.....normally its the guy wanting more sex....I applaud you but you have to talk to him.

gramps
ZOMG A GHOST!

Problem is, we do have communication. He has told me "I don't know" When I ask him why he didn't come to me as opposed to going out to the living room.



does he really love you? maybe he needs to go to a doctor and get checked out.....maybe you guys need to try new things....but obviously you have a problem that may be able to be fixed.....never give up hugs

gramps
Bitterrfly's avatar

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The UnH0ly one


Dear OP,

I am having a bit of trouble understanding your statements for these reasons: You had a long distance relationship before and should be used to long periods of time without sex. You say you haven't changed but you obviously want (and are maybe asking for) sex more than you used to, so that aspect of the relationship has changed. I think the best way to do this is to talk to your fiance, but be sure to plan out what you are going to say and make sure it doesn't sound like you are accusing him in any way of having a low sex drive or not wanting to have sex with you. Bring it up as something about you. "I would like to be more intimate with you, since I really love you." Saying something in that way makes it sound like a good thing instead of you sounding resentful and hurt.

Good luck OP!
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