Does He Like Me? (HUGE age difference)

[IAmInLoveWithAWhale]

Hello, everyone. I want everyone's advice on whether or not this man likes me. I will break it down for you. On Thursday, the whole family got together, including all of my extended family. There was about 100 people there. We will call this guy Bob. So, During the whole family gathering me and Bob talked and talked and talked. He told me, "I never get to see you anymore. Only your pictures on Facebook." I found myself pretty much hanging with him the whole night and talking. he basically was following me around some. After the gathering, my parents decided to get something to eat, we invited my cousin's family to join us. Bob was standing next to me, and I asked him if he was tagging along. He really wasn't invited so he didn't know if he was allowed to come to dinner with us, so he said "I guess." as he shrugged his shoulders. So, yeah. I pretty much invited him to tag along. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings and as we were standing he put his hands around my neck, pretending to choke me. I looked behind me and we both laugh and smiled. He sat diagonal from me at the dinner table and while I was telling the waitress what I wanted to eat, he was looking at me the whole time as I was ordering my food. I also did catch him looking at me a few times at the gathering. Friday, the whole family was together again because we were attending a funeral. I saw him get out of his car and I smiled and waved at him. He smiled and waved back at me. Inside the church, he said, "You are always carrying around that iPad." I said, "I know! I am getting tired of carrying it around!" he offered to carry my iPad for me, so I handed it to him. He clicked the button on my Ipad to where my passcode comes up to access it. He says, "What is your passcode?" I said, "I ain't going to have you snooping around!" I said jokingly. He said, "Why not?" It was cute him carrying around my iPad for me. We had to go into this room for prayer. I sat on the floor next to my cousin and he literally came into the room and STOOD right behind me! Out of all places he could stand, he stood right behind me, as I was sitting in front of him. After the prayer, we left to the room to be seated. He was standing in the middle of the aisle looking to sit next to me, but couldn't. My aunt was taking pics of me and my cousin and the whole time I was posing and smiling for the pics, he was watching me!! Basically, I got this vibe from him and I felt a connection. I never felt this way before. I know I can't be the only one who feels it, I know he has to feel it too. I caught him looking at me those two days and he was following me around those two days. Does he like me? By the way, we are not related. He has been a family friend for years. I am 21 years old and he is almost 50. Please do not judge me. I can't help the way I feel I have fallen for him. Today, he called my dad and invited my dad to go to the flea market with him this Saturday. OF ALL MY 20 YEARS, BOB HAS NEVER EVER INVITED MY DAD TO HANG OUT. What does this mean? I think he invited my dad cause he knows/figures I will tag along. Thoughts? Please please don't give me disrespect about the age. Please. Thank you! <3

[IAmInLoveWithAWhale]

bump

[AngelBiscuits]

First of all, you don't need to bump here. Pretty much never and yet people do it thinking it gets them a response faster -it doesn't. If your post is still on the first page, and near the first place at that, you really don't need to bump. This forum is just really slow sometimes, please just be patient with us.

Second of all, we cannot tell you if he likes you. Only he can tell you if he likes you. We're not inside his head. However if he does it's creepy.

You're 21 and he's ******** 50. He is almost an elderly man. We all get crushes on people out of our age range from time to time, I mean I know young women who still pine for George Clooney, and I have a VERY attractive older teacher, he's so sweet and just the nicest eye candy there is, but this feeling doesn't mean you have to act on it. And you shouldn't. Leave it be and it will pass.

He is in a COMPLETELY different phase of life, he's going to be thinking about things like retirement when you're thinking about college and starting your career. When you're 40 he will be 70. Think of that. Age gaps of 5-10 years aren't so bad as you get older but this is a whole 30 years.

[Kumacchiato]

He still sounds waaaay to old for you. You arent going to have much in common most likely once you really start spending time together.

But if you seriously want to persue this then i suggest you just be forward and ask him about his intentions. Invite him for coffee someplace. Your going to act way more grownup if you want a relationship with this kind of age gap to work.
Be prepared for trouble though. Odds are your family wont support you in this and it will cause a lot of conflicts for sure.
Id encourage you to just wait and see if your feelings change. This seems far to messy to be worth it.

Goodluck<3

[Djkejksljc]

Despite any advice regarding the age, only you get to decide that. Once one is a consenting adult, one has every right to date out of age range. I personally dislike when people assume older men who like younger women are perverts because people would generally just call a woman "empowered" for dating a younger man, so I see it as a double standard.

It sounds like you definitely have interest in him, unless you are just asking because you are fearful if he does? If you feel a connection, speak to him about it and ask, as someone said, about his interest and intention.

You have to weigh the pros and cons in your mind regarding age a bit, though, if you were interested. Obviously, you would still be young and he would be older, there would be health complications, etc. From observation and hearing stories of age gaps, the biggest factor that ended things was sex. Sexual attraction either faded as the older person got...even older...or the older person's age led to sex being difficult for them and the younger person was left unsatisfied. Unless you were in a situation where the older person was chill with you sleeping with other people just for that need.

Basically, beyond confirming if he likes you, I would at least urge you to consider things to be sure you are happy with the situation before committing to anything.

As I read, I see it also possible that you misinterpret him just being playful with you in the sense that he is being fatherly, seeing you as younger and wanting to be protective, something like that. That's why it's good to talk to him about it!

[Lillabelle]

you seem to have alot of family get togethers so think of it this way: if your relationship with this guy turns sour your going to have to see him everytime you meet with the rest of your family, i'm not saying that things won't work out between you two but it's a possibility that you should keep in mind before you pursue him

[Aamira]

Mmm maybe go on a few dates with him. Also you should probably ask why he's interested in a woman 30 years younger than him. You guys are in completely different life phases.

Keep in mind, you'll have to see him quite a bit if the relationship doesn't work out.

[Desi the fuzzy fluffhead]

The whole time I was reading this I was trying to figure out how to tell you you shouldn't date family.

There's plenty of cons to this idea of dating this 50 year old man when you're 21 years old.
First of all: You'll miss out on more youthful things, potentially. You can go to things by yourself, or with him, but there's something so awesome about experiencing things with a significant other.

Second of all: He's at a totally different point in his life than you. He's around the age where a lot of people start worrying about retirement, while you are just starting your life.

Thrid: kids, if you want them. His fertility ain't going to be that good, his sperm also isn't going to be good and could lead to more birth defects, and if you do manage to have kids, how is he going to do the dad things? The throwing of the football? The walking down the isle? (I know this is more long-term, but something to think about.)

Fourth: He's a family friend. You're family may not be happy with your choice, and this could lead to a lot of drama. Also, if things go sour you may have to see him all the time/ but you could also damage the relationship between your family and him...as well as yourself.


...But, lastly.
Do what makes you happy.
If you think he is it, then he is it, and that happiness could be worth all of the above cons.

I'd suggest waiting a bit and see if the feelings kind of die off though. Just make sure it isn't just a simple crush.

[!d!ot Amer!ca]

He's old enough to be your father. Would your parents approve you dating your father's friend?

I mean, none of us know if he likes you. You'll have to ask him. We can't read his thoughts.

✘✘✘

[uralxium]

the age gap does seem rather large,
i feel i am just going to be repeating a lot of what people have already said:
different stages in life, levels of maturity blah blah blah.
he could easily have a fond affection for you rather an a attraction towards you,
if he is a family friend then i am guessing he has seen you grow up?
he might just find you an enthusiastic young lady.
or you could just be looking into things too much and seeing something that isn't there.
but then he might be attracted to you.
WHO KNOWS? unless you ask.
it's the only way you're going to find out.

at the end of the day you are old enough to decide what you want to do.
but again, like people have said,
be prepared for a lot of conflict to be caused by this if you do go ahead with this.
and also a s**t ton of embarrassment if you've interpreted this wrong.

[Rhouis]

It sounds like you're both just flattering each other more than being attracted to each other. He's flattered a young woman seems interested and you're flattered an older man seems interested. But that's just my guess. As everyone else has said, we can't say whether he likes you or not.

Everything else I was going to say about why it probably wouldn't be a good idea to date has been said, so I'll just reiterate:

Different stages of life. This can hold you both back from doing the things you're ready to do at your respective ages.

Maturity will make working with a relationship hard. You're not going to have the same experience as a man old enough to be your father.

Awkwardness at future family functions if the relationship falls apart.

Disapproval and disrespect from family and friends.

[seeminglyyoda]

Please take my sexual harassment survey!

He sounds so predatory? Joking about choking you isn't funny, he should know better than that because if he wanted to he really could. Please be safe. I'm saying this from my personal experience that he is in the wrong for following you around like that. He should want nothing to do with you like that but he does and it's all for the wrong reason trust me. There's no love from him, he will try to manipulate you.
Be safe x

[Sam-DeanWinchester]

Sorry but ******** everyone who says it's wrong because he is in his 50s while you're in your 20s. You are both consenting adults. Perfectly legal and safe (unless you come into a creep switch can be at any age).

You do have to weigh your pros and cons to whether he it worth dating but since he is a family friend. I won't suggested it because your dad might get mad at the 50 year old for breaking there friendship/betraying. He might get mad in general for you dating a guy much older but not as much as it would be from a family friend.

Another thing is that you shouldn't date people with your parent approval. They're not in relationship so they have no control who you love or date, just like you have no control who they date/love.

Perhaps he was just being nice or sees you as a 'daughter' figure? I would talk to him about this. Don't go right up and say "i am inlove with you" because if he doesn't. Things can get awkward between you two. You could asked why he is being so friendly towards you or why is he willing to do all of these things for you. Something like that.

Or just ignore it and move on.

Sidenote: Choking you? What do you mean by that? Like he simply put his hand on your back of your neck (like a person would put a arm around) or was he actually putting his hands around your neck to try to intentionally choke you?

[Clitoon]

A 50 year old who hasn't had sex in probably 10 years and a young, innocent 21 year old is giving him attention and craving to be around him.

I wonder...

Sounds creepy. Wake up.