Blue Fly Sky Fly Fly
(?)Community Member
- Posted: Mon, 08 Oct 2012 19:59:51 +0000
So I don't know if other people have this sort of issue, but for a lot of my friends, I am sort of like a community therapist. For some reason everyone comes to me with their problems, or if they don't, somehow our conversations end up there. I think it has to do with my willingness to listen and the fact that I don't gossip with people irl, but whatever.
Anyways I rarely seek out other people's problems, but this stood out to me. One of my male friends, who is young (19 years old) but is relatively old for not having a girlfriend. In fact it seems he avoids women ( though I am told he had a girl friend before we met) . Now this wouldn't be a bad thing if he was happy, but he really isn't. He's depressed, at least he appears so often, and always has this aura of loneliness about him.
I confronted him about it and he avoided me a lot, but eventually he gave up and came around to talking with me about it. The easiest way to put it would be " He likes rape" . Quite frankly he is terrified to date girls because while he can perform regularly in bed, his fulfillment and happiness relies on stripping another person of their will and using them as a hunk of meat.
It isn't as though he has uncontrollable urges or anything like that. He isn't a sociopath. It's just his fetish. Not only does he realize that is happiness relies on someone else's displeasure, but he has serious issues with the contrast between how he feels about women romantically and how he feels about them sexually. To quote him " I broke up with my last girlfriend because even though I adored everything about her, I wanted to do really terrible things to her. Our sex life was active but ultimately unfulfilling for me. I asked myself if I would be able to look her in the eye without some sort of guilt or ruined image if I was happy in the bedroom, and the answer was ultimately no, even if she agreed to it I would feel too guilty about it. So I broke up with her, and I haven't dated since. " .
Now I really want to help this guy. He's a great friend to me, and honestly he's done a lot for me. I know it sounds weird but it doesn't bother me much at all. He simply has a control fetish, for lack of a better word. Unlike extreme sadists, he isn't looking to cut a woman or put out cigarettes on her body or any of the extreme s**t you hear about, and so it bothers me less. Further he shows he has a clear understanding of consent and why it is important. His entire issue is that his ability to get off is based on objectifying, controlling, and dehumanizing a woman, and he not only knows that is terrible but his conscience won't let him even near someone to even try to be happy.
All this said, he is a human being and I think he deserves to be happy/have a form of release. The problem is I'm not sure how to cater to this issue or suggest a solution. The easiest thing would be finding a masochistic woman who wouldn't mind being raped, but then that kind of defeats the purpose. I'm not really sure how to address this. On the one hand, there are far more extreme sexual devianaces out there that people manage to satisfy every day. On the other hand, it is kind of morbid.
For myself this is sort of a weird issue too because I've had rape fantasies before. In fact I know a few girls who have. I also know girls who have been raped/had attempts made. Because of this I always have mixed feelings on the subject.
Discuss.
- Men commit most rapes. Men seem to fetishize and desire rape more often than women. I actually know a few men who would admit in private that they have fantasized about rape or raping someone, though admittedly this is the first case I have seen of it being a primary fetish. Why do you think this is?
- Do you think women fantasize about raping people at all? Quite often whenever I hear about females raping someone it almost seems to always be with a strap on d***o. This always strikes me as odd because it is almost like in order to rape you -must- be male and so for females to do it they must find an analogue p***s to use. While I understand it is possible for women to rape people, how often do you think it happens without the use of a secondary tool? Do you think women rape men or women more often? Also a lot of the time when I talk about this with male and female friends alike they always see it as a plus for the male victim as long as she doesn't use a device on him. Similarly none of them see a girl raping another girl as being as bad as a man raping a girl so long as she doesn't use a strap on. Why do you think perception of female rape is almost never seen as being malevolent unless there is a p***s analogue?
- Why do people fetishize rape at all?
- Why do some girls fantasize about rape? I admit I don't actually know what I find appealing about it myself, because my fantasies about it are few and far between. They are more like when you get a taste for something you rarely eat and can't figure out what it is. Because of this I know that I find the idea of being raped appealing from time to time, but I never really know why. Similarly almost all of my female friends who also admit to having the fantasy have a similar issue of not being able to pinpoint what makes it desirable.
- related discussion.
Anyways I rarely seek out other people's problems, but this stood out to me. One of my male friends, who is young (19 years old) but is relatively old for not having a girlfriend. In fact it seems he avoids women ( though I am told he had a girl friend before we met) . Now this wouldn't be a bad thing if he was happy, but he really isn't. He's depressed, at least he appears so often, and always has this aura of loneliness about him.
I confronted him about it and he avoided me a lot, but eventually he gave up and came around to talking with me about it. The easiest way to put it would be " He likes rape" . Quite frankly he is terrified to date girls because while he can perform regularly in bed, his fulfillment and happiness relies on stripping another person of their will and using them as a hunk of meat.
It isn't as though he has uncontrollable urges or anything like that. He isn't a sociopath. It's just his fetish. Not only does he realize that is happiness relies on someone else's displeasure, but he has serious issues with the contrast between how he feels about women romantically and how he feels about them sexually. To quote him " I broke up with my last girlfriend because even though I adored everything about her, I wanted to do really terrible things to her. Our sex life was active but ultimately unfulfilling for me. I asked myself if I would be able to look her in the eye without some sort of guilt or ruined image if I was happy in the bedroom, and the answer was ultimately no, even if she agreed to it I would feel too guilty about it. So I broke up with her, and I haven't dated since. " .
Now I really want to help this guy. He's a great friend to me, and honestly he's done a lot for me. I know it sounds weird but it doesn't bother me much at all. He simply has a control fetish, for lack of a better word. Unlike extreme sadists, he isn't looking to cut a woman or put out cigarettes on her body or any of the extreme s**t you hear about, and so it bothers me less. Further he shows he has a clear understanding of consent and why it is important. His entire issue is that his ability to get off is based on objectifying, controlling, and dehumanizing a woman, and he not only knows that is terrible but his conscience won't let him even near someone to even try to be happy.
All this said, he is a human being and I think he deserves to be happy/have a form of release. The problem is I'm not sure how to cater to this issue or suggest a solution. The easiest thing would be finding a masochistic woman who wouldn't mind being raped, but then that kind of defeats the purpose. I'm not really sure how to address this. On the one hand, there are far more extreme sexual devianaces out there that people manage to satisfy every day. On the other hand, it is kind of morbid.
For myself this is sort of a weird issue too because I've had rape fantasies before. In fact I know a few girls who have. I also know girls who have been raped/had attempts made. Because of this I always have mixed feelings on the subject.
Discuss.
- Men commit most rapes. Men seem to fetishize and desire rape more often than women. I actually know a few men who would admit in private that they have fantasized about rape or raping someone, though admittedly this is the first case I have seen of it being a primary fetish. Why do you think this is?
- Do you think women fantasize about raping people at all? Quite often whenever I hear about females raping someone it almost seems to always be with a strap on d***o. This always strikes me as odd because it is almost like in order to rape you -must- be male and so for females to do it they must find an analogue p***s to use. While I understand it is possible for women to rape people, how often do you think it happens without the use of a secondary tool? Do you think women rape men or women more often? Also a lot of the time when I talk about this with male and female friends alike they always see it as a plus for the male victim as long as she doesn't use a device on him. Similarly none of them see a girl raping another girl as being as bad as a man raping a girl so long as she doesn't use a strap on. Why do you think perception of female rape is almost never seen as being malevolent unless there is a p***s analogue?
- Why do people fetishize rape at all?
- Why do some girls fantasize about rape? I admit I don't actually know what I find appealing about it myself, because my fantasies about it are few and far between. They are more like when you get a taste for something you rarely eat and can't figure out what it is. Because of this I know that I find the idea of being raped appealing from time to time, but I never really know why. Similarly almost all of my female friends who also admit to having the fantasy have a similar issue of not being able to pinpoint what makes it desirable.
- related discussion.