Sexual Sadism and Rape. (Long)

[Robot Giny]

Your friend has a rape fetish (obviously.) I think the solution is for your friend to accept it and come to terms with it. Obviously he understands the harm that can be done by actualling raping someone, but folks who have fetishes like that usually get all the satisfaction they need from roleplaying.

There are a lot of submissives and/or masochists in this world. Your friend might want to start exploring the BDSM community in his area, and maybe find a sub girl that he can roleplay with; then he can see how he likes it.

[I Shall Give You NoMercy]

I have a huuuuge rape fetish. It's either me being raped, or me just watching while someone else gets raped.
Beating/getting tortured kinda turns me on as well.

[Capable Adventurer]

I would recommend therapy for him first before recommending him to a masochistic female for sexual release. When did his fetish start and did it start because of a particular event in his life that caused him to realize he desired raping women?

[Capable Adventurer]

Robot Giny

Your friend has a rape fetish (obviously.) I think the solution is for your friend to accept it and come to terms with it. Obviously he understands the harm that can be done by actualling raping someone, but folks who have fetishes like that usually get all the satisfaction they need from roleplaying.

There are a lot of submissives and/or masochists in this world. Your friend might want to start exploring the BDSM community in his area, and maybe find a sub girl that he can roleplay with; then he can see how he likes it.

I disagree with this because it doesn't solve the real problem. The OP's friend is unable to have an actual romantic relationship because he wants to objectify her sexually and yet he doesn't. He has to find a way to deal with how he sees women sexually and romantically and be able to combine the two so he can have a healthy relationship. If he's dabbling in BDSM and has no respect or emotional connection to his partner, that's not going to go anywhere beyond where it is. If he falls in love romantically with a woman and has a deep emotional connection to her, is he still going to continue his other life as a BDSM rapist? A lot of women out there may not approve of having a relationship with someone like that.

[Robot Giny]

Capable Adventurer

Robot Giny

Your friend has a rape fetish (obviously.) I think the solution is for your friend to accept it and come to terms with it. Obviously he understands the harm that can be done by actualling raping someone, but folks who have fetishes like that usually get all the satisfaction they need from roleplaying.

There are a lot of submissives and/or masochists in this world. Your friend might want to start exploring the BDSM community in his area, and maybe find a sub girl that he can roleplay with; then he can see how he likes it.

I disagree with this because it doesn't solve the real problem. The OP's friend is unable to have an actual romantic relationship because he wants to objectify her sexually and yet he doesn't. He has to find a way to deal with how he sees women sexually and romantically and be able to combine the two so he can have a healthy relationship. If he's dabbling in BDSM and has no respect or emotional connection to his partner, that's not going to go anywhere beyond where it is. If he falls in love romantically with a woman and has a deep emotional connection to her, is he still going to continue his other life as a BDSM rapist? A lot of women out there may not approve of having a relationship with someone like that.

From what I understand from the OP, her friend has been struggling with this alone. He's aware of his fetish, but he has not reached out to any community that understands or supports how he feels.

And no, obviously not every woman would be down for that. The point is to find a woman that is. There are a lot of people that are part of the BDSM community, many are women, and many of those women identify as masochists or submissives, and are totally down with roleplaying a violent or humiliating rape.

I think the problem he has is that he is not communicating with his female partners. He's doing what he thinks he's "supposed" to do, because he sees his sexual desires as unnatural or perverted and wrong. But what he has to understand is that he's not alone in this, and there are ways to satisfy his desires without harming anyone. The OP might recommend to her friend that he reach out to a BDSM community online. Hell, there's a submissive thread ("Standing Tall, Heads Bowed" ) in this very forum. It's a place to start. The OP might even want to go into that thread herself and see if she can get some more knowledgeable advice.

[Immoral Mathematics]

- Men commit most rapes. Men seem to fetishize and desire rape more often than women. I actually know a few men who would admit in private that they have fantasized about rape or raping someone, though admittedly this is the first case I have seen of it being a primary fetish. Why do you think this is?
Primal bredding yadda yadda

- Do you think women fantasize about raping people at all? Quite often whenever I hear about females raping someone it almost seems to always be with a strap on d***o. This always strikes me as odd because it is almost like in order to rape you -must- be male and so for females to do it they must find an analogue p***s to use. While I understand it is possible for women to rape people, how often do you think it happens without the use of a secondary tool? Do you think women rape men or women more often? Also a lot of the time when I talk about this with male and female friends alike they always see it as a plus for the male victim as long as she doesn't use a device on him. Similarly none of them see a girl raping another girl as being as bad as a man raping a girl so long as she doesn't use a strap on. Why do you think perception of female rape is almost never seen as being malevolent unless there is a p***s analogue?

I know of a woman trying to bring a rape fetish to life right now in my area through fetlife. I suppose it's more common than we think.

- Why do people fetishize rape at all?

Iunno. I'm dominant and do things accordingly during sex but I'm not sure I could up the ante and take part in a rape fetish.

- Why do some girls fantasize about rape? I admit I don't actually know what I find appealing about it myself, because my fantasies about it are few and far between. They are more like when you get a taste for something you rarely eat and can't figure out what it is. Because of this I know that I find the idea of being raped appealing from time to time, but I never really know why. Similarly almost all of my female friends who also admit to having the fantasy have a similar issue of not being able to pinpoint what makes it desirable.

Fetishes are just tastes. No real rhyme or reason to how they come to be.

[Capable Adventurer]

Robot Giny

Capable Adventurer

Robot Giny

Your friend has a rape fetish (obviously.) I think the solution is for your friend to accept it and come to terms with it. Obviously he understands the harm that can be done by actualling raping someone, but folks who have fetishes like that usually get all the satisfaction they need from roleplaying.

There are a lot of submissives and/or masochists in this world. Your friend might want to start exploring the BDSM community in his area, and maybe find a sub girl that he can roleplay with; then he can see how he likes it.

I disagree with this because it doesn't solve the real problem. The OP's friend is unable to have an actual romantic relationship because he wants to objectify her sexually and yet he doesn't. He has to find a way to deal with how he sees women sexually and romantically and be able to combine the two so he can have a healthy relationship. If he's dabbling in BDSM and has no respect or emotional connection to his partner, that's not going to go anywhere beyond where it is. If he falls in love romantically with a woman and has a deep emotional connection to her, is he still going to continue his other life as a BDSM rapist? A lot of women out there may not approve of having a relationship with someone like that.

From what I understand from the OP, her friend has been struggling with this alone. He's aware of his fetish, but he has not reached out to any community that understands or supports how he feels.

And no, obviously not every woman would be down for that. The point is to find a woman that is. There are a lot of people that are part of the BDSM community, many are women, and many of those women identify as masochists or submissives, and are totally down with roleplaying a violent or humiliating rape.

I think the problem he has is that he is not communicating with his female partners. He's doing what he thinks he's "supposed" to do, because he sees his sexual desires as unnatural or perverted and wrong. But what he has to understand is that he's not alone in this, and there are ways to satisfy his desires without harming anyone. The OP might recommend to her friend that he reach out to a BDSM community online. Hell, there's a submissive thread ("Standing Tall, Heads Bowed" ) in this very forum. It's a place to start. The OP might even want to go into that thread herself and see if she can get some more knowledgeable advice.

I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I don't give a crap if people are into BDSM. What I'm concerned about is the fact that the OP's friend sounds like he is unable to see one woman as an adequate romantic partner because he also wants to dominate her and do awful things to her. He doesn't want to see his romantic partner as an object because he feels he cannot separate the objectification from the romance. He needs counseling on how to be able to deal with the distinction issues and then see if he feels he can do the BDSM thing.

[Blackrose_Knight]

Have your friend google "Consensual nonconsent"

[x_Magnus Bane_x]

Gonecrazy12345

Dolce Rogue

- Men commit most rapes. Men seem to fetishize and desire rape more often than women. I actually know a few men who would admit in private that they have fantasized about rape or raping someone, though admittedly this is the first case I have seen of it being a primary fetish. Why do you think this is?

Because it's a fetish and everyone is allowed to have them AS LONG as all the parties involved consent to it.

- Do you think women fantasize about raping people at all? Quite often whenever I hear about females raping someone it almost seems to always be with a strap on d***o. This always strikes me as odd because it is almost like in order to rape you -must- be male and so for females to do it they must find an analogue p***s to use. While I understand it is possible for women to rape people, how often do you think it happens without the use of a secondary tool? Do you think women rape men or women more often? Also a lot of the time when I talk about this with male and female friends alike they always see it as a plus for the male victim as long as she doesn't use a device on him. Similarly none of them see a girl raping another girl as being as bad as a man raping a girl so long as she doesn't use a strap on. Why do you think perception of female rape is almost never seen as being malevolent unless there is a p***s analogue?

Women tend to fantasize about getting raped, but not raping. However, that doesn't mean all women are like that. When we're talking about rape as in, the crime, but not the fetish, then yes, women and men can rape, but male rape is diminished by society. Why? Because a woman is fragile as a flower and men are sexist pigs, amirite.

- Why do people fetishize rape at all?

It just happens. It's the same as having a foot fetish, or having a latex fetish.

- Why do some girls fantasize about rape? I admit I don't actually know what I find appealing about it myself, because my fantasies about it are few and far between. They are more like when you get a taste for something you rarely eat and can't figure out what it is. Because of this I know that I find the idea of being raped appealing from time to time, but I never really know why. Similarly almost all of my female friends who also admit to having the fantasy have a similar issue of not being able to pinpoint what makes it desirable.

Because they like control and dominance. Most women I've met are like that anyway.

So it's okay to fantasize about rape and to have it as a fetish, as long as both of the people in the sex act consent to it...............Why do I find that completely ridiculous and stupid.

When two people consent to a sexual act, it isn't rape. So people fantasize about rape, and "pretend rape" by going into sexual acts that are consented by both people? Yeah that's stupid and contradictory. Makes no sense at all.

it's called consentual non consent i believe

[Robot Giny]

Capable Adventurer

Robot Giny

Capable Adventurer

Robot Giny

Your friend has a rape fetish (obviously.) I think the solution is for your friend to accept it and come to terms with it. Obviously he understands the harm that can be done by actualling raping someone, but folks who have fetishes like that usually get all the satisfaction they need from roleplaying.

There are a lot of submissives and/or masochists in this world. Your friend might want to start exploring the BDSM community in his area, and maybe find a sub girl that he can roleplay with; then he can see how he likes it.

I disagree with this because it doesn't solve the real problem. The OP's friend is unable to have an actual romantic relationship because he wants to objectify her sexually and yet he doesn't. He has to find a way to deal with how he sees women sexually and romantically and be able to combine the two so he can have a healthy relationship. If he's dabbling in BDSM and has no respect or emotional connection to his partner, that's not going to go anywhere beyond where it is. If he falls in love romantically with a woman and has a deep emotional connection to her, is he still going to continue his other life as a BDSM rapist? A lot of women out there may not approve of having a relationship with someone like that.

From what I understand from the OP, her friend has been struggling with this alone. He's aware of his fetish, but he has not reached out to any community that understands or supports how he feels.

And no, obviously not every woman would be down for that. The point is to find a woman that is. There are a lot of people that are part of the BDSM community, many are women, and many of those women identify as masochists or submissives, and are totally down with roleplaying a violent or humiliating rape.

I think the problem he has is that he is not communicating with his female partners. He's doing what he thinks he's "supposed" to do, because he sees his sexual desires as unnatural or perverted and wrong. But what he has to understand is that he's not alone in this, and there are ways to satisfy his desires without harming anyone. The OP might recommend to her friend that he reach out to a BDSM community online. Hell, there's a submissive thread ("Standing Tall, Heads Bowed" ) in this very forum. It's a place to start. The OP might even want to go into that thread herself and see if she can get some more knowledgeable advice.

I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I don't give a crap if people are into BDSM. What I'm concerned about is the fact that the OP's friend sounds like he is unable to see one woman as an adequate romantic partner because he also wants to dominate her and do awful things to her. He doesn't want to see his romantic partner as an object because he feels he cannot separate the objectification from the romance. He needs counseling on how to be able to deal with the distinction issues and then see if he feels he can do the BDSM thing.

Maybe. Maybe not. I think that if he reached out to other people who share similar power-based fetishes, he could get more of a handle on how he's feeling. It seems as though he's struggling a lot because he's trying to do it alone. If the OP is the only person this guy has told, then it's no wonder he's so unhappy.

Whether he reaches out to a therapist, or to a fetish community, he needs to reach out to someone. Personally, I would recommend the fetish community, because the last thing this guy needs is to have his sexuality pathologized. He might not necessarily need counseling, he might just need to talk to someone who can look at him and say "I understand exactly how you feel, and this is how I handle it."

[Monster Pup]

Blue Fly Sky Fly Fly

So I don't know if other people have this sort of issue, but for a lot of my friends, I am sort of like a community therapist. For some reason everyone comes to me with their problems, or if they don't, somehow our conversations end up there. I think it has to do with my willingness to listen and the fact that I don't gossip with people irl, but whatever.

Anyways I rarely seek out other people's problems, but this stood out to me. One of my male friends, who is young (19 years old) but is relatively old for not having a girlfriend. In fact it seems he avoids women ( though I am told he had a girl friend before we met) . Now this wouldn't be a bad thing if he was happy, but he really isn't. He's depressed, at least he appears so often, and always has this aura of loneliness about him.

I confronted him about it and he avoided me a lot, but eventually he gave up and came around to talking with me about it. The easiest way to put it would be " He likes rape" . Quite frankly he is terrified to date girls because while he can perform regularly in bed, his fulfillment and happiness relies on stripping another person of their will and using them as a hunk of meat.

It isn't as though he has uncontrollable urges or anything like that. He isn't a sociopath. It's just his fetish. Not only does he realize that is happiness relies on someone else's displeasure, but he has serious issues with the contrast between how he feels about women romantically and how he feels about them sexually. To quote him " I broke up with my last girlfriend because even though I adored everything about her, I wanted to do really terrible things to her. Our sex life was active but ultimately unfulfilling for me. I asked myself if I would be able to look her in the eye without some sort of guilt or ruined image if I was happy in the bedroom, and the answer was ultimately no, even if she agreed to it I would feel too guilty about it. So I broke up with her, and I haven't dated since. " .

Now I really want to help this guy. He's a great friend to me, and honestly he's done a lot for me. I know it sounds weird but it doesn't bother me much at all. He simply has a control fetish, for lack of a better word. Unlike extreme sadists, he isn't looking to cut a woman or put out cigarettes on her body or any of the extreme s**t you hear about, and so it bothers me less. Further he shows he has a clear understanding of consent and why it is important. His entire issue is that his ability to get off is based on objectifying, controlling, and dehumanizing a woman, and he not only knows that is terrible but his conscience won't let him even near someone to even try to be happy.

All this said, he is a human being and I think he deserves to be happy/have a form of release. The problem is I'm not sure how to cater to this issue or suggest a solution. The easiest thing would be finding a masochistic woman who wouldn't mind being raped, but then that kind of defeats the purpose. I'm not really sure how to address this. On the one hand, there are far more extreme sexual devianaces out there that people manage to satisfy every day. On the other hand, it is kind of morbid.

For myself this is sort of a weird issue too because I've had rape fantasies before. In fact I know a few girls who have. I also know girls who have been raped/had attempts made. Because of this I always have mixed feelings on the subject.

Discuss.
- Men commit most rapes. Men seem to fetishize and desire rape more often than women. I actually know a few men who would admit in private that they have fantasized about rape or raping someone, though admittedly this is the first case I have seen of it being a primary fetish. Why do you think this is?

- Do you think women fantasize about raping people at all? Quite often whenever I hear about females raping someone it almost seems to always be with a strap on d***o. This always strikes me as odd because it is almost like in order to rape you -must- be male and so for females to do it they must find an analogue p***s to use. While I understand it is possible for women to rape people, how often do you think it happens without the use of a secondary tool? Do you think women rape men or women more often? Also a lot of the time when I talk about this with male and female friends alike they always see it as a plus for the male victim as long as she doesn't use a device on him. Similarly none of them see a girl raping another girl as being as bad as a man raping a girl so long as she doesn't use a strap on. Why do you think perception of female rape is almost never seen as being malevolent unless there is a p***s analogue?

- Why do people fetishize rape at all?

- Why do some girls fantasize about rape? I admit I don't actually know what I find appealing about it myself, because my fantasies about it are few and far between. They are more like when you get a taste for something you rarely eat and can't figure out what it is. Because of this I know that I find the idea of being raped appealing from time to time, but I never really know why. Similarly almost all of my female friends who also admit to having the fantasy have a similar issue of not being able to pinpoint what makes it desirable.

- related discussion.

Okay I didn't really read though all you said so I'm sorry if some of the things I say come out weird and irrelevant. But basically I took a human sexuality class a few semesters ago and one of the topics we covered was paraphilias, or in other words, fetishes. They are almost exclusively limited to men, which explains your rape thing. It's not a disease, and it's not like you either have it or you don't. It's more of a sliding scale, for example a lot of people would be turned on with just a little hint of bondage (handcuffs or something) but other people can't even get aroused unless it's taken to the physical extreme. Your friend just ended up on one of the extreme ends.

Having said that, the causes for these things are extremely complicated, and I honestly don't know if you can help him. But, if he believes that his sexual preferences or requisites are negatively interfering with his life, which I believe they are, then you should convince him to see a professional.

Btw, finding BDSM communities or other people like him might make him feel like he has friends, but it really won't fix the problem, in fact it'll probably make it worse through the groupthink phenomenon. If he is serious about coming to terms with this, he should see a professional.

[Dustiest Gozongas]

He doesn't have a problem, based on what you said. He seems to understand that actual rape is bad and harmful. He needs to find someone who is just as interested in this fetish as he is, that's all.

I'm pretty sure it's common, but no one likes to openly admit to the world that they like rape, lest they be labeled a sick pervert.

[Blackrose_Knight]

Anyway, your friend seems like someone who hasn't explored kink and the BDSM community. As someone has pointed out, he may withhold from forming emotional connections because he feels he is the bad guy not doing the "right thing". This can't be really figured out until he takes a bit of a swim in kink.

If he is the loner type I highly reccomend SM 101 by Jay Wiseman (link takes you to amazon book) and then The Better Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy

On that note, BDSM does NOT need to be formed out of a romantic relationship. Just a trusting relationship and respectful relationship. If the OP's friend cannot be respectful or form trusting relationships given his need to objective, then we have a problem and he needs therapy.

BDSM is NOT formed from past trauma. Studies of random population, compared to kink population on past trauma are just about the same.

[Capable Adventurer]

Robot Giny

Capable Adventurer

Robot Giny

Capable Adventurer

Robot Giny

Your friend has a rape fetish (obviously.) I think the solution is for your friend to accept it and come to terms with it. Obviously he understands the harm that can be done by actualling raping someone, but folks who have fetishes like that usually get all the satisfaction they need from roleplaying.

There are a lot of submissives and/or masochists in this world. Your friend might want to start exploring the BDSM community in his area, and maybe find a sub girl that he can roleplay with; then he can see how he likes it.

I disagree with this because it doesn't solve the real problem. The OP's friend is unable to have an actual romantic relationship because he wants to objectify her sexually and yet he doesn't. He has to find a way to deal with how he sees women sexually and romantically and be able to combine the two so he can have a healthy relationship. If he's dabbling in BDSM and has no respect or emotional connection to his partner, that's not going to go anywhere beyond where it is. If he falls in love romantically with a woman and has a deep emotional connection to her, is he still going to continue his other life as a BDSM rapist? A lot of women out there may not approve of having a relationship with someone like that.

From what I understand from the OP, her friend has been struggling with this alone. He's aware of his fetish, but he has not reached out to any community that understands or supports how he feels.

And no, obviously not every woman would be down for that. The point is to find a woman that is. There are a lot of people that are part of the BDSM community, many are women, and many of those women identify as masochists or submissives, and are totally down with roleplaying a violent or humiliating rape.

I think the problem he has is that he is not communicating with his female partners. He's doing what he thinks he's "supposed" to do, because he sees his sexual desires as unnatural or perverted and wrong. But what he has to understand is that he's not alone in this, and there are ways to satisfy his desires without harming anyone. The OP might recommend to her friend that he reach out to a BDSM community online. Hell, there's a submissive thread ("Standing Tall, Heads Bowed" ) in this very forum. It's a place to start. The OP might even want to go into that thread herself and see if she can get some more knowledgeable advice.

I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I don't give a crap if people are into BDSM. What I'm concerned about is the fact that the OP's friend sounds like he is unable to see one woman as an adequate romantic partner because he also wants to dominate her and do awful things to her. He doesn't want to see his romantic partner as an object because he feels he cannot separate the objectification from the romance. He needs counseling on how to be able to deal with the distinction issues and then see if he feels he can do the BDSM thing.

Maybe. Maybe not. I think that if he reached out to other people who share similar power-based fetishes, he could get more of a handle on how he's feeling. It seems as though he's struggling a lot because he's trying to do it alone. If the OP is the only person this guy has told, then it's no wonder he's so unhappy.

Whether he reaches out to a therapist, or to a fetish community, he needs to reach out to someone. Personally, I would recommend the fetish community, because the last thing this guy needs is to have his sexuality pathologized. He might not necessarily need counseling, he might just need to talk to someone who can look at him and say "I understand exactly how you feel, and this is how I handle it."

But it's not just about his sexual feelings but how he interacts with and views women too. BDSM can't solve the deep seeded emotional reasons behind why he feels the way he does. It just relieves the symptoms. A BDSM community is hardly equipped to deal with the pscyho-social issues of someone who is in guilt and pain because of his feelings. A counselor could do much more good than a fetish community because all they can do is show how they deal with their vices - not much beyond that.

[Blackrose_Knight]

Capable Adventurer

But it's not just about his sexual feelings but how he interacts with and views women too. BDSM can't solve the deep seeded emotional reasons behind why he feels the way he does. It just relieves the symptoms. A BDSM community is hardly equipped to deal with the pscyho-social issues of someone who is in guilt and pain because of his feelings. A counselor could do much more good than a fetish community because all they can do is show how they deal with their vices - not much beyond that.

You are hardly equipped to assume such things about your friend. Hell i have had 4 years of psych and about to enter grad school for counseling and I couldn't tell ya anything about your friend.

I am also EXTREMELY bothered by your pathologizing of kink and fetish communities - the use of the charged term vices, really? BDSM is not an illness.

I am into guilt and pain, and I have my clinical issues, but none are linked to the fact I get off on pain and being objectified like a good little whore I like to be some days.

Edit: I will also take the balls to freely admit I have a rape fantasy. As a study I read suggested, it is far more about being desired to the point of driving the man to rabid, animalistic humping, than actually being raped (which I do not want). Man I wish I had that study backed up. It was epic.