To My Very Much Ex (and unfortunately, my first love): You are a complete a*****e. And a raging idiot. And lunatic. You really think I was that stupid when you pretended to kill yourself to hurt me then pretended you took over your friend's body to message me on Gaia? What.The.Hell. You told me you loved me, but you were a ********' liar. You weren't in love with me, you were in lust with me. Two VERY different things. Unfortunately, I did love you. Or at least what you pretended to be. You did to me what you did to every other girl, you pretended to be a sweet and caring guy who would never let me down and made it look like you actually wanted to talk to me. That you actually cared about me. And like every other girl you did that to, I was a fool and believed you. Wholeheartedly. Things started goin' downhill when I admitted my feelings for you. You wrapped me around your finger like a band-aid and then started treating me like a completely useless piece of s**t. I can't believe I was so pathetic to hang onto you like a drug and use others for 8 months. I sincerely believed you had broken my heart beyond repair. And when you twisted everything around to make everything my fault, I believed that too. I believed it was my fault I had gotten dumped and disconnected from my friends. I believed I was pathetic for crying over my best friend's death I had helped cause when I was supposed to be focusing my attention on you. I believed I really was the selfish one. Oh, how you can manipulate someone, son. You are actually good at faking. Rare talent. And then when I found out you broke up with me because you didn't want me willingly and you wanted to rape me, I was mind blown. You knew about my Father, why would you want do that to me? It was proof then, there was never love in our relationship. Only lust. At least on your part.Then when I found out you had actually raped someone, I knew I had to cut off all contact. I lied when I told you I never loved you. I did. I sacrificed so much of my life for you and knowin' that it was all for nothing actually makes me...mad. Knowing that I wasted so much time and effort makin' you happy only to make myself unhappy in the process makes me ********' RAGE! Not hurt anymore. I don't feel pain when I think of your name anymore. Now, all I feel is loathing. I can honestly say I don't have a shred of feeling for you anymore. You're beyond pathetic and you really need to go get help. And to grow the hell up. You're a sick, twisted man who's nothing but a s**t clone of my Father. So if you're not gunna do the World a favor and get yourself help instead of ruining some innocent girl's life like you already did, then take yourself out, c**t.
To My Love (Who's been with me through thick and thin and currently still stickin' with me even though we both know my insecurities can be pretty annoying):
I have NO idea where to start with you. xd Before we met, I was going to kill myself. I failed at drowning myself over the Summer, so I was going to lie on the Train tracks near my house and put my head on the part where the wheels go. There was no surviving that.Then I met you, and my whole perspective on life changed. Sure, you hurt me a few times. And really bad too, but I've done my share of hurting you too. I have a slight grudge against you for me not bein' your first (especially since you lost it on really stupid circumstances that I'm sorry to say, were completely your fault. It doesn't matter that the b***h manipulated you, you still gave consent. neutral )
and the biggest reason is because I was molested and nearly raped a big portion of my life. And I'm aware that is a completely selfish and stupid reason but still, you can't change the way I feel. Only I can. And I am currently working on it. I've gotten a lot better. It hurt me that you had to think about who you wanted more in your life. The ex that used you after your best friend's death, or me, the one who has always been there for you. cry I guess you can say I haven't really forgiven you for that either. Actually, if anything, that was the most pain you've given me yet. Other than that, you've been completely wonderful to me. Despite some stupid comments you made in the beginning of our relationship, I still fell in love with you. And when I realized that I loved you, it terrified me. The last man I loved used, abused, and hurt me unbearably. I knew that I loved you more than I ever even thought of loving him, so I knew I literally wouldn't be able to cope if you left me. Also, because of the manipulative whore you were with, she spread a lot of untrue tales so I had to deal with that too. I almost broke up with you because I was so scared you'd be like all the others. Especially be just like my ex. The thought more than killed me. crying But, after a sleepless night of constant thinking, I decided I'd see where this relationship would go. I did love you after all, so I wanted to give it a chance that it could work. 3nodding Lookin' at how far we've gotten (I gave you my most important gift: my virginity and we are now engaged) I can't say what I am more: Happy, or scared shitless. 4laugh Even though you've proven time and time again that your love for me is genuine and that you actually do care for my well being, I'm still scared to lose you. It also scares me that you worship me so much. Hun, I don't know how I would survive without you. You're my best friend, I can talk to you about ANYTHING! You always listen, give me advice, and tell me that you love me and will always be there for me. And I believe you. I know the only reason why I'm still paranoid about you leavin' me is because of my insecurities, so don't take them to heart, love. We're gettin' married in a year and I'm more than ready. 3nodding Just please forgive me for each and every time I question anything of our love. I love you beyond words, and you saved me from ending myself. I saved you from offing yourself as well. Now let's enjoy our lives together, the ones we were so foolish to every think of destroying. Lets enjoy them together. Thank you for bein' in my heart forever. Love is an understatement for what we share darling, and that's something we both know. heart
