Wild Imagination: Finished. Link on first post.

When did you figure out what the story's really about?

Part 1	11.1%	[ 4 ]
Part 2	5.6%	[ 2 ]
Part 3	13.9%	[ 5 ]
Part 4	0.0%	[ 0 ]
Part 5	5.6%	[ 2 ]
2nd read through	2.8%	[ 1 ]
3rd read through	0.0%	[ 0 ]
>3rd read through	0.0%	[ 0 ]
I still don't know D:	47.2%	[ 17 ]
Knew it before I even read the script	13.9%	[ 5 ]
Total Votes:			[ 36 ]

[Emihaumut]

Here are some rough pencils for the first two pages. I drew it too tiny so I couldn't really draw the faces decently. I think I'll do it on photoshop after I ink it. :Sweat:

[SerenadeStar]

Sera Michaelis

I'll have to give it a second read-through before I can give proper feedback, but I just wanted to highlight this - "I walked into a doorknob." Would a teacher actually believe that? Even for a kid, that's a pretty bad lie. :v How can you walk into a doorknob in a way that bruises you like that, and exactly where are the bruises on DD? I mean, I guess if you said tripped and fell and hit the doorknob. Or tripped over a coffee table or something.

I've done it. sweatdrop It was one of those handle knob things. Jammed my hip right into it. I had this huge bruise for a few weeks. I think it was because I got hit right next to a bone. It was a pretty cool bruise though.

Not that this had anything to do with the original post.

[rijin]

It was an easy read, but I got lost in some parts of the story like with the beginning but that's probably because you are expressing movement and emotions through the images and not the script huh? Other than that, I could kinda infer what happened but that's just assumption. I was the one who understood the story at "Part 5" because that's where I figured out how the title was incorporated into it and thus got a sense of the plot.

That was an interesting read and I'm curious of what future turns and plot you plan to incorporate into this story. Other than that, I feel like this story is going to be revolved heavily upon psychology and the characters so if you make complex characters, that would interest me greatly. But of course, that's just an opinion from me :

I expect to see more from you! Keep up the good job!

[Emihaumut]

@Serenade: Heheh, embarrassing bruising stories are always appreciated. smile

@rijin: Hrmmm. I hope the beginning isn't too confusing even with the artwork.

Not too sure about future turns and plot since this story ends at 10 pages. I honestly have no idea how to take this further. My knowledge of child abuse only goes so far. I feel like any attempts made by me to try to resolve this issue will ruin the story. I'd rather let the reader imagine what happens. Maybe Mr. Neighbor gets hit by a bus and everything stops (and the kids get sent to lots of therapy), lol. I feel like these nameless characters are deeper than other characters I've created, but I guess a lot of it isn't really shown/portrayed through the story. I do plan on making an annotated version where I point out like everything to the audience, lol. There are a couple details I put in there that I'm sure will get overlooked (especially DD's name and implications, lol).

In other news, I have up to page 7 pencilled (though not scanned and compiled). Hoping to finish penciling tomorrow... errr today.

[rijin]

Ah, I thought you were making a series or something, but if it's a short story, then it should be working fine since the future plot seems to be derived from the reader's imagination (as you said). Well with what I saw of your profile images of the characters and your page sketches, I'm pretty sure you can express the proper emotions through their expressions and movements.

Hope you finish today so we can all check it out.

[Emihaumut]

Thanks. smile

I did finish pencilling last night, but I think I'm going to wait until I ink them to scan and compile it just because it's a pain and kind of pointless to compile the pencils (since they look kinda like crap anyways). I probably have one of the most inefficient systems of comicking, lol, with each panel spread out over 12 pages even though the comic is only 10 pages long.

[yourshoeisuntied-jk-xd]

keep practicing you'll eventually have a future in this

[Emihaumut]

Thanks, though I'm not exactly looking to have a future in this. I'm just doing this for fun and practice.

So, it turns out I'm really bad and slow and inking traditionally, so I'll just do them digitally. I'll compile all the pencils into pages and post them when I get a chance. For now, enjoy a rough version of page 1. I'm a bit tired right now to refine it (which it definitely needs), but I think this is the general direction I'll be heading in for the pages. Trying a couple of new things I picked up (and by picked up, I mean steal blatantly from Sfeer Theory, lol).



I think I might change the faces so they're more, y'know, expressive. They're so blank right now. I mean, I can always blame it on the video game that they're playing on their large tv, but that feels cop out'y.

[rijin]

WHA! That looks really nice! You have a tablet or something? Everything looks pretty thoughtout especially with the shading too. The one thing that urkes me, which you have already mentioned, is the facial expression of everyone. Like Sissy's first expression, who mouth is open while she is talking. But maybe you could try doing the same with Bro's mouth when he talks to spice up his external expression a little.

Other than that, it's looking very nice. Keep it up!

[Emihaumut]

Mmm, thanks. And yes, I do have a tablet, lol.

I really gotta work on them expressions. sweatdrop

[enchantedsleeper]

I love the coloured version :3 Looks really awesome - your drawing keeps going up a level ^^ The only thing that struck me was how small DD looks in the first panel. He's really tiny, more so than I think he ought to look at that age. (Even considering our conversation about people looking loads younger than they actually are. xD) He seems all right in the ensuing panels, but in that one he just looks about 5. X3

Oh, and it also really looks like Bro has a foot growing out the side of his head in the second panel. xD What's up with Sis's leg? It goes and then doesn't appear to come back, except for a disembodied foot. XD Maybe it's just because Bro's blocking it, but I can't imagine what position her legs are supposed to be in.

[Emihaumut]

Mmmmm, I think I keep forgetting that Sissy and Bro are children too so they're not supposed to be much bigger than him, lol. I'll add that to the to-fix list. 3nodding

[enchantedsleeper]

Sissy and Bro look fine, though; it's just DD in that first panel who is really weeny. I think if you picked him up and put him next to Bro, he would be a lot smaller by comparison than he is in the second panel.

[Emihaumut]

Yeah, like I draw everyone in relation to each other, but I forget that DD's not supposed to be really tiny against them, only tiny against his(her?) parents.

Also, in response to your foot growing out of his head thing, here was the original sketch for sissy:

Hopefully, it'll look less like an extra appendage on him when I refine the shading (and add more lighting).

[enchantedsleeper]

Hmm, I see, but that really doesn't look like a comfortable position to just lie in. xD Does Sissy do gymnastics? It looks like she's actually stretching her body - curving her back and pointing her toes and tensing her muscles - as opposed to relaxing on the bed. I mean, I tried to imitate the pose myself, and it takes a lot of effort to keep your foot so perfectly straight. She should be a ballerina. xD