Dirty Little Secrets

[Nephaele]

So much cooking!
I enjoy it though.
My pies came out perfectly today, thank you texas weather.
So happy I have my partners to help me and the fact they enjoy cooking as well.

Im glad the holidays are here.
I need the happiness and lights.
It’s been a stressful year.

[RiceBunny300]

When a close friendship of years starts to feel like a mere acquaintance.

[Adorable]

Another bad pain day, ugh, c'mon body, just be normal for one day ):

[Flowers of Persephone]

I've gotten to the bottom.

I won't stop fighting. I'll keep struggling, until the very end.

Making sacrifices for a brighter future, i just want to fast forward to the good part.

[BellaNephilim]

Whwn you haven't gone a day without someone in years...your heart just beats for them.

I have been. So busy.. parades, volunteer events, appearances, book. Readings, almost 50 hours alone this past 2 weeks. I have been so lucky to have the love and support of those that I love.

He's really...been. doing his best, cannot wait to gift him something ♡♡

[Nephaele]

The beginning of December is always so stressful.
I hate it.
Everything seems to come down on me and I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water..
It always starts straightening up, but goodness.
sadly I knew I couldn’t trust B. Even after I did my best to support her, she crossed boundaries that I cannot be okay with. The other party is not innocent but she came in knowing she wanted to hurt me. Hopefully everything can be repaired.

Starting to get Christmas gifts, hopefully that will help boost my spirit some.
Cats destroyed my tree and that makes me sad every time I look at it.
I just want to cry when I look at it.

I’m about to start baking too.
Cookies, divinity.
All the good stuff.

[Procurements]

I hate Christmas. All it does is bring out the worst in people.

[Tuti_98]

Faraine

Procurements

I hate Christmas. All it does is bring out the worst in people.

you ARE SO RIGHT about bring out the worst in people!

[Your-Imperial-Highness]

I made the leap and reached out to a mutual friend of ours. I am so concerned about him, I am overly concerned about him, I am scared for him and about him. What has happened to my husband? I feel so guilty! I USED to be the calming force against his anger, I USED to be the very person and space that his anger couldn't get around or through, I USED to be the very thing that when I stood in front of him, and he looked up at me, his anger COULDN'T stand a chance. But now? Now his anger side steps me, he doesn't make eye contact with me anymore, now his anger goes around and through me, now he brushes off my attempts to stop his anger like he does my childish jokes.

He's lost weight (38 pounds), he's only eating once a day, he's not really sleeping, and he's becoming distant from people he likes and cares about. He has two cousins who have reached out to him over the weekend, and he's yet to open their messages let alone respond to them. And then his anger with me is getting out of control. He's not yelling at me (but he's raising his voice at me, and he's becoming short with me) or anything like that, he's not verbal with me nor is he physical with me. I know my husband, I know he would never, ever, in a million years do anything to hurt me. But... (First of all, there shouldn't be a BUT, there has never been a BUT, we've been together for YEARS (14 and married for 4) but... It's never been this bad. He usually bounces back, a few days or sometimes a week but he usually bounces back. But he isn't, every day it seems like it's getting worse and worse.

People at his work are reaching out, asking if everything is "Ok at home?" He's stopped talking to people there too. People he used to have detailed conversations with, have all but stopped completely, unless it's about work. He hides away in the back of the shop until he's needed for something or someone. All his attention and conversations go towards the dogs he's working on, otherwise there's a long stretch of silence that lasts the entire day.

I feel like...he is drowning at sea, and I cannot save him. Is it because he won't let me? Is it because I am not capable? I don't know. I will keep fighting. I will keep trying. I love my husband, and I will not let his depression take him away from me. This is the worst it's ever been...but I know with the support of our friends, and his family members, we can beat this thing down and I can get my husband back. We made a vow on our wedding day...for better or for worse...and I'm right here fighting for you in the worst of it...

I love you.

[Tuti_98]

TY!

[Nephaele]

All my Christmas candies I made today worked out perfectly!
It’s always a gamble with the weather and just luckily today was a good day.

Friday I’ll be getting all of my gifts and then I get to wrap EVERYTHING!
I love it though.
I’m going to make them cute since I’m still depressed by my tree.