.~Edelsteine~. Desiderio's Journal by Meepfur

[Meepfur]

RP #13
2784

Shop RP: Aftermath
Alex, Kheviel, and Aislin

Logged here.

[Meepfur]

Solo #13
512

"If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe me if I said I am tired of this
Well here we go one more time

I never thought I'd end up here
I never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time."

Lifehouse - "Sick Cycle Carousel"



Alex used the last of the shaky composure she'd scraped together to make it up to the room - to her room - and it all crumbled away as soon as she'd flung the door shut behind her. Stifling a cry, refusing to be heard again, she spun back towards the door with balled fists, lashing out and connecting with the frame.

The answering jolt of pain across her knuckles, through her hand and up her arm, was a sensation entirely welcome; so she did it again and again, striking out at the door and its frame and even the wall trees. It was her fists that ended battered, striped with red and splotched with bruises that would fade within an hour or two, while the wood remained unscathed.

Once more biting back the urge to yell, she stumbled for her other room, the lavender one. Even reeling with anger, there were some things she just couldn't do, and tearing apart what had once been Ea's room was one of those. But her things, few as they were, were fair game.

With an uncoordinated but nonetheless strong kick, she scattered her pile of bedding, throwing the blankets into disarray. Another kick and her worn old stuffed rabbit splashed into the small bathing pool Orin had made. But with the next kick, it was the grassy floor her foot connected with, and she stumbled and fell. It didn't stop her though, and she tore at the tangle of blankets with her hands and nails, biting through her own lip in a third attempt at staying silent.

Her nails caught in the fabric, dragging slits through it until her nails couldn't hold up and bent painfully back, some breaking. She hissed and flailed in frustration at the blanket she suddenly seemed to be caught in before wrestling away from it with a good deal more desperate force than she needed to use, and fell backwards into the pool.

The water stung at the cuts left by the glass, and she flailed up from under the water with a choked growl, one hand landing quite by accident on the bedraggled stuffed animal she'd kicked into the water earlier. As quickly as that, Alex's fury calmed somewhat, and the growl turned to a sob as she clutched the waterlogged plush close.

The internal whirlwind kept up, though, the despair and self-hatred and disgust threatening to overwhelm her.

She should known. Known better than to think it would never happen again, known better than to think that facing that guy had been the way to go. She should have known better than to ever think that the little happiness she'd managed to find here would last.

Ea was gone, with a better place to be and things to take care of, and Orin with him. And now she was alone, with all of her faults and crimes that she hated herself for, no matter how she'd tried to forget or drown them out. She couldn't deny it anymore, not now and not ever.

She was a murderer.

[Meepfur]

RP #14
over 1k

RP with Aislin

[Meepfur]

Solo #14

"That's the sound of a bottle when it's hollow
When you swallow it all wallow and drown in your sorrow
And tomorrow you're probably going to want to do it again
What's a little spinal fluid between you and a friend? Screw it
And what's a little bit of alcohol poisoning?"

Eminem - "Drug Ballad"





Alex couldn't even make it up the tree outside her window; she had to stumble in through the first floor of the Pantheon and all but fall up the stairs to get to her room. Even then, it was practically a miracle she managed to get home - home? - at all. She was barely aware. Some distant and unreachable part of her mind realized that Rio probably had something to do with her finding her way back instead of just kissing the pavement somewhere.

She fell heavily against the door, slamming it closed with her weight. It would be hours before she moved any further than that. She couldn't. Hell, she didn't want to. All she wanted was for everything to go away, stay away, now that she'd done her level best to drive it away, or at least drown it out. Maybe if she numbed herself, her senses, enough, she'd stop seeing blood, stop hearing the screaming. Maybe she could forget. Maybe if she couldn't move, she wouldn't be able to hurt anyone. If she couldn't control the instinct, maybe she could at least smother it.

The vampire was lost in a sea of wild, incoherent thought, interrupted only by the sudden onslaught of painful sickness. Her body wasn't made to ingest anything other than blood, and now came its sluggish response to all the things she'd downed, trying to reject what had already swept through her system. She lurched forward and was violently ill, hacking face down in the grass. Her sides heaved with the effort before she collapsed there, unable to even move away from the puddle of her own vomit.

It was only then, shuddering, that she fell into welcome, all-too-familiar unconsciousness.

Within, Rio had struggled to remain a silent observer, letting her do what he knew she'd done many times before, because he knew that right now, it didn't matter what he said. She would do it anyway, because it was the only escape she knew. And though moment after moment made him cringe, he'd let her have it.

He'd known his host had once done such things to lose herself, but in the months since he'd fused with her, she never had. Until now. It was now that he wished with every fiber of his being that they were two separate people, that he could pick her up off the floor and wash away all the stains and smells that clung to her, all the heartache and guilt.

But all he could do was watch, caught between hoping someone came and found her and hoping that no one saw her like this.

[Meepfur]

RP #15
1374

Alex had settled herself in the open window, back up against one side and one bare foot pressed against the other to balance her as the other leg dangled outside. One arm was raised over her head, hand lightly gripping the window above her. Her head was bent forward, eyes half-closed.

She'd been thinking about going out, losing herself the same way she had been almost every night since it had happened, doing everything and anything just to drown life out, but she couldn't quite bring herself to move from where she was. Leaning her head against her arm, she sighed..and sniffed, making a face. Smells from the night before, of things a nice girl really shouldn't be doing, were still clinging to her somewhat.

Blech. She really needed to find somewhere to wash her clothes.

[Perri Indiya]

Orin attempted to knock on the door that had until recently been his home, but his hands were too full of various gardening supplies to manage it. He had to settle for smacking his tail into the hard wood and hoping the dull thunks were enough to convince the new occupant to let him in. If she were even here. His arms hurt from the strain of holding too much for too long. Please be home Alex!

[Meepfur]

That thunking was about the last thing Alex was expecting to hear, and if she hadn't been so nicely settled, she just might have managed to fall out of the window. As it was, it took a moment to register, before she slid from her perch and into the room.

Scratching her head, wondering who on earth it might be, she answered the door, peeking out with a bleary "Da?" before she noticed who it was and brightened.

"Orin!" Seeing that his arms were full, she quickly opened the door more.

[Perri Indiya]

The gardener stumbled in and dropped his bags before straightening and returning the greeting. "Miss Alex! How are you this evening? Eamnonn set me free to have some 'free time', so I thought I'd come over and see how the room is doing."

Having announced himself, he immediately started looking over the plants and planning his attack. "Don't let me get in your way."

[Meepfur]

"I'm...alright, I guess," she lied, just a but. It was nice to see Orin, though. "It's good to see you. How've you been? And Ea?"

"You're not in the way. Not like I was doing anything to beign with." Alex chuckled. "Don't let me get in your way."

[Perri Indiya]

"We're good." he said, already covered with dirt. "There's a lot to do at the temple with gardening and people wrangling, so we're both plenty busy. He hasn't introduced me too his followers yet, so I'm never bothered. If I'm lucky, he never will."

"A nice girl like you would never be in my way." the wolfman mumbled, watrering and fertilizing the wall trees.

[Meepfur]

"Aw, I'm sure they can't be that bad?" Alex trailed him curiously while he worked, trying to be unobtrusive about it and mostly succeeding. "Couldn't really hurt to meet a few of 'em."

She paused then, rubbing the back of her neck, looking sheepish and maybe even a little guilty. "I'm not really," she muttered.

Recovering somewhat, she remembered to ask, "But, umm, I was wondering...well, would you..teach me? Gardening, I mean."

[Perri Indiya]

He'd been about to respond to her earlier comment, but the question suprised everything else out of his mind. "You want to learn gardening? Really?"

He'd had plenty of people ask him to work on a plant for them, but he'd never have someone want to learn from him before. Barely tolerating the existence of other human beings had probably been part of it, but still. "I'd love to!"

[Meepfur]

"Would you really?" Alex smiled hopefully, suddenly feeling much less tired and worn than when she'd started the night. "I...don't know if I'll be any good, but I'd like to try."

[Perri Indiya]

"The key to gardening is caring." Orin said, motioning the girl to kneel on the grass beside him as he spread his composted loam over the trees' roots. "If you care about your charges, everything about it is easy. Patience and hard work follow because you are willing to give such things to anything you care about."

"What's your favorite flower?"

[Meepfur]

Alex knelt obediently, listening to Orin with a nod. She'd never thought of plants as 'charges' before. "I can do that."

She glanced over at the corner, where Dinah was lurking amidst the plants, peering out at the vampire and wolfman from between flowers. "Snapdragons."