Critiques for all, Originals Week 24

[Utopia]

First round of "Weekly Critiques for Originals"!
We got four entries this week, but you can still submit an entry till midnight today (Gaia time). Submission for next week is open, too, of course - if you submit today (Monday), please state what week it's for if it's an old entry. Please look at main thread to see how submission works.


Rules for Critics are as follows:

- everyone's welcome to critique - no entry of your own is necessary

- try to give constructive criticism - good and bad

- be friendly and keep a civil tone, please

- those of you who did enter - please remember to give at least three critiques


And not a rule, but a courtesy - when quoting, please remove

[quote="Utopia"]

at the start and

[/quote]

at the end, so it's not me you're quoting, but the person whose entry you're commenting on - thank you!

[Utopia]

Cecilia Davidson

Entry by Cecilia Davidson

Title: Sorceress



Description:

With some slight influence from the cartoons I watched when I was a kid, I made this. I thought it was cool and figured "why not just put it in the all tab?"

I would like to get tips on: adapting this into other color schemes
Number rate: Yes, please

[Utopia]

[K!ng]

Entry by [K!ng]

Title: Ignition



Description:

This avatar is meant to represent the fraction of a second it takes for a fire to ignite into existence. Sometimes it's because of a chemical reaction, an electric spark, or even simple friction. But no matter the cause, nothing remains exactly the same once touched by a flame.

This was one I thought would do well, but instead just flopped.
Any advice or insight as to why that might be?
Honesty is the best policy! mrgreen
Number rate: No thanks

[Utopia]

AKB0048

Entry by AKB0048

Title: Silent Ninja



Description:

A skilled assassin that can eliminate any target quickly and silently. He comes and goes like the wind, swearing allegiance to no one. Hidden behind his wintry gaze lies a face known to none who live... Beware, his sole motivation is money, he'd slit his mama's throat for a nickle.

(Kudos who people who get what the description is a reference of.)

I would like to get tips on: Anything that would be an improvement
Number rate: Yes

[Utopia]

Utopia

Entry by Utopia

Title: Djinn Magician



Description:

The djinn dwelt languidly
for one thousand and one nights
amongst smokeless, scorching embers
inside the plundered lamp,
camouflaged, despite the
wombish phosphorescence
conflagrant in the belly of the
tarnished receptacle
and the djinn’s garish bejeweled costume.

I would like to get tips on: nothing special
Number rate: yes please

[Utopia]

2_twins in a ball

Entry by 2_twins in a ball

Title: Madame Chouki's Robust Revive



Description:

Come one, come all! Madame Chouki's fruity, smoothie-like concoction will rejuvenate your senses! Sold bottled with a familiar rubber cap, this ailment leaves no face unglamorous! Madame Chouki herself is eccentric but no more than the secret recipe behind her potion. Why not have a taste-test today?

I would like to get tips on: Color scheme, "Outfit" worthy? (in terms of layering and "completeness" wink
Number rate: Yes!

[Utopia]

And we're open ^^.

[Ariel Yardena Davidson]

AKB0048

Entry by AKB0048

Title: Silent Ninja



Description:

A skilled assassin that can eliminate any target quickly and silently. He comes and goes like the wind, swearing allegiance to no one. Hidden behind his wintry gaze lies a face known to none who live... Beware, his sole motivation is money, he'd slit his mama's throat for a nickle.

(Kudos who people who get what the description is a reference of.)

I would like to get tips on: Anything that would be an improvement
Number rate: Yes

If arena allowed animations, I would advise the gray wizard curse Astra. Given how there aren't trees nearby, I feel the leaves aren't yet needed. If there were trees in the foreground somehow, maybe.

I would give this a 4/5.

[Utopia]

AKB0048

Entry by AKB0048

Title: Silent Ninja



Description:

A skilled assassin that can eliminate any target quickly and silently. He comes and goes like the wind, swearing allegiance to no one. Hidden behind his wintry gaze lies a face known to none who live... Beware, his sole motivation is money, he'd slit his mama's throat for a nickle.

(Kudos who people who get what the description is a reference of.)

I would like to get tips on: Anything that would be an improvement
Number rate: Yes

I like the colours, it's a nice monochrome avatar that avoids to combine different shades of white, which is often a problem with similar entries. I think it could have done without that flowing scarf thing (not sure what item that is, sorry), and I would have liked a different background - maybe the one from Twisting Dusk. I don't think a ninja planning an assissination would traipse around a river in the full moon's light ^^, and this is where we come to one of my pet peeves when it comes to pseudo-historic entries like this (so please take with a grain of salt):
ninjas never, ever would have worn that sort of metalic footgear. Neither did any of them carry swords.Ninjas were spys, first and foremost, they disguised themselves as people with "normal" jobs which allowed them to travel around, but ususally didn't allow them to carry weapons like swords. Stealth was one of their most important skills, assassinations were rare (under 10 % of a ninja's work, and poison was usually the weapon of choice), and being involved in a fight was a last resort - it usually meant you'd been detected, meaning you weren't a really good ninja ^^.
So, uhm, this entry being described as a ninja would make me go "no way that's a ninja" wink .

I'd give this 3/5.

[AKB0048]

Cecilia Davidson

It's a shame the Arena doesn't allow animations. I can see your point with the leaves. I added them because I thought it'd look more "ninja-like".

Utopia

I do know that much as far as what ninjas actually were history-wise, but I was aiming for something fantasy-esque. The description is actually a homage to Shadow from FF6 which is why I wanted to make a ninja avi, but part of the inspiration for the look was also Sengoku Basara/Dynasty Warriors also a bit from Chipp from Guilty Gear. But yes, for practical reasons, metal shoes would be a really terrible idea for someone who wanted to be sneaky.

I did check Twisting Dusk, but I liked the more dramatic look of the Night Weaver. If I was going for a more Ninja Gaiden-esque look (old school, not UMVC), I would have probably chosen that instead.

[Utopia]

AKB0048

I do know that much as far as what ninjas actually were history-wise, but I was aiming for something fantasy-esque. The description is actually a homage to Shadow from FF6 which is why I wanted to make a ninja avi, but part of the inspiration for the look was also Sengoku Basara/Dynasty Warriors also a bit from Chipp from Guilty Gear. But yes, for practical reasons, metal shoes would be a really terrible idea for someone who wanted to be sneaky.

I did check Twisting Dusk, but I liked the more dramatic look of the Night Weaver. If I was going for a more Ninja Gaiden-esque look (old school, not UMVC), I would have probably chosen that instead.

I understand you, the Arena allows artistic freedom, of course - my review is in no way objective ^^. As I said, it's a pet peeve, one that I can't really help. I think that the things I said won't be an issue for most other people.
That said - just in case you'd like to avoid to displease nitpickers like me in the future ninja , you could use another term - assassin comes to mind. Or make up a job name! Seventh Sanctum is a great site for that - the generator I linked lets you make up classes for fantasy characters.

[Utopia]

Cecilia Davidson

Entry by Cecilia Davidson

Title: Sorceress



Description:

With some slight influence from the cartoons I watched when I was a kid, I made this. I thought it was cool and figured "why not just put it in the all tab?"

I would like to get tips on: adapting this into other color schemes
Number rate: Yes, please

I like the look of concentration you managed to give her, and the colour scheme. A lack of a huge background works, too, as that would have distracted from the avatar.
I think it might have done without the sparks, which would draw more focus to that orb in her hand (it's not so pronounced when you look at it here, but those sparks stand out against the black background in the Arena). If you use sparks, white or red ones would have looked better to fit the orb, imo (not sure if an item like that existed in 2011, so feel free to ignore ^^). Also no big fan of the shoes in combination with those white socks - I know it's not always easy for you to work around the male base, but pumps and thick socks, even in a fantasy setting, just aren't working for me.
I would have given this a 4/5.

[Utopia]

[K!ng]

Entry by [K!ng]

Title: Ignition



Description:

This avatar is meant to represent the fraction of a second it takes for a fire to ignite into existence. Sometimes it's because of a chemical reaction, an electric spark, or even simple friction. But no matter the cause, nothing remains exactly the same once touched by a flame.

This was one I thought would do well, but instead just flopped.
Any advice or insight as to why that might be?
Honesty is the best policy! mrgreen
Number rate: No thanks

I like your concept, the colours work well together for what you're trying to archive. I would have liked it better if you had managed to hide the legs better, maybe added a bit more clutter. A sitting position might have made it look even more like a flame bursting into life, but that's just just a speculation.
My guess why this didn't get high ratings is that one needs to read the description to understand what you were trying to go for. I don't think that everyone does that. Together with the description, this avatar works - without it, it's a bit like wtf is the maker trying to tell me here xd .