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Valentin3 14 Report | 10/20/2020 8:41 pm

As children we were told that there was no such thing as monsters, and that it was all in our little heads. Only, we have come to see it as one of the many lies. There are monsters in this world. It could be a stranger or someone you know. It could be a phobia. This world is not safe in its entirety. I sadly learned this at a very young age. But I accepted it. Now I only carry the rage and pain it has brought me. We all learn hard lessons in our lives, and I have recently learned one of the hardest I have come to learn in my life as it stands now. There is no easy way out of it. Ending it early won't do you any good, even if you did succeed. I didn't. But I have learned that stupidity can lead to the biggest regrets. Letting emotions consume and take over you to a point of feeling as if there is no return is one of the hardest things you deal with in your life. In life, we are challenged every day. But we have come to learn how to take it head on. Some of us can't stop running from the truth. They'll have to stop at some point. Like I did. I ran away from my problems, only for them to find me again. I kept trying to hide myself away, but they still found me. In the end, I said damn it all and finally faced them. But the rage is still on fire within me. Every time I have been betrayed by friends and family. Every time someone has broken me and cast me out. The realization that I have been taking it out on one of my closest friends was a shock to me when I first realized. How angry I could get. It terrified me. The emotional disconnect with my birth mother still affects me as an adult. Even the thought of caring for another child frightens me. My birth mother loved me, but always held me at arms length. Out of reach. When she remarried, she was gone completely from my life. Everyone was. My little sister grew quieter and more attended to and cared for by my stepfather and my birth mother. I was collecting dust. Left on the doll shelf while the others were played with. Then another little doll joined us. My half sister. They gave her the world, anything she wanted and desired. Never disciplined her. I knew I had to leave. To escape. My little sister was not the little girl I knew anymore. She was someone entirely different. They made her that way. Young, impressionable. Easily manipulated. I couldn't take her with me. They wouldn't allow it. So I did what I had to do. Go. At ten I decided to abandon them. My little sister was too far gone. My mother was nothing but a stranger. A hollow, cold stranger. So I was off at eleven. That's how I got to live with her. My stepmother. The one who really did raise me. We met when my her and my dad were just best friends. That turned into love. Then marriage. After that, they got me. A new home. My true home. A home that I felt safe in for the first time, finally not going unnoticed. Finally loved. I was free. If I wanted to paint, they would let me paint. If I wanted to go on a walk, they would let me go on a walk. I wasn't up on a dusty shelf anymore. I was apart of the dollhouse. My dollhouse. Every room was what I wanted it to be. I could freely imagine anything. That is how I came to be like this. Because of her I know more about history and literature than those who went to public school. Homeschooled most of the time, she taught me from her own teachings built from the ground up. We learned about each other as well. Now I'm graduated, thanks to her. Now I'm here. How? Well, she did play Gaia in high school. She told me all sorts of things about it when I was younger. Now I know an oddball group of funny friends. And that, people, concludes my story of how I ended up here in the first place.

BeIvidere Report | 10/17/2020 7:44 am

We are in this madness together~! "cat_3nod:

BeIvidere Report | 10/16/2020 4:11 pm

love your profilee, please be safe Val, and if you ened anything ill do my best to help.
Psychologically speaking of course if youre as mentally unbalanced as I am lol~ cat_gonk cat_3nodding