About
Height: 5' 5"Weight: slightly under normal
Age: 29
Status: Divorced twice and now in a relationship with a random limo driver
Orientation: Straight
Family: Ray and Rachel Brekon; King Danile (divorced)
Friends: Ieda; young and teen Phred
Enemies: d**k Derk Rex; somewhat King Danile
Mall; Department store or Farmers Market: So the mall
First Date fancy; Causal Friday or mixture: Fancy
Orbit; Wrigley's; Extra or Bubblelicious: Extra (fewer calories!)
Credit or Debit: CHARGE IT!!! (she does not care)
Who was your first divorce?
With the king of Et. Marvelous man until he got me pregnant on our second honeymoon to Laguna Beach. That's where I had Ray and Rachel.
Was it by accident that you were thrown into that situation headfirst?
Of course it was! My little poopshins had one too many drinks and lost himself . . . I actually wanted that to happen, believe it or not!
Why?
Because, darling, it had been many years since someone of Et has had a child. Though I had to be banished like . . . oh I can't even say his name.
Who?
Alright, fine I'll say his name. d**k Derk Rex; alias Richard Derk.
Richard was banished from Et?
I was overjoyed to see him go! But, in 1990, it was my turn for banishment . . . anyway, Danile - that's the king - forged divorce papers, forged my signature and rushed back to Et. Can we talk about something else? cry
Yes we can.
That was Obama's tagline for his campaign!
It was indeed. Is that who you voted for?
No, that was my second divorced husband . . . can we talk about him?
Uh, sure.
Oh, good. I had a plan . . . with me being pregnant, I'd find a man who would love me for my looks and not my personality. He'd ask me for a one-night stand and I'd agree. Shocked as he was, he took me to his house on the beach. He didn't know I was pregnant or that I was wearing protection. So, he naturally thought that it was his doing. Naughty boy . . . anyway, the children, Ray and Rachel, came nine month's later and after they flew out to Kansas City sixteen years later, I quickly divorced him.
That sounds very scandalous.
Doesn't it? I believe it to be my most outstanding plan ever!
What other plans did you start?
Oh, I can't tell you that or else I'd have to kill you . . . I am simply joking with you, darling! Ha ha ha.
*nervous ha ha* Tell me, Ray and Rachel did not know they were siblings until later . . . who did Rachel go to?
Well, the little prat who I convinced I was married to felt sexist. Really, he did not want to marry me at first. We kept Ray and Rachel went to the local orphanage . . . poor little tyke. Luckily, our next door neighbors adopted her and she - what is the term? "Hung out" at our place? - anyway, she visited from time to time. They became great friends until Ray turned nine.
Yes, I heard that is when his emotions got the best of him. Do you know why?
Well, I don't know exactly what happened . . . but I have a theory: he went to public school at the time and probably was with his older friends.
Older friends?
Probably eighth graders.
Ah. Continue.
One had a knife and started slitting her wrist. Ray was probably fascinated by the action. Naturally, he wanted to try. Next thing I know, I'm at the hospital watching a blood transfusion and signing bills.
My. That's terrible!
That's only half of it, my dear! It was on that very weekend that he insisted on a new wardrobe of clothing. Naturally we hesitated but if not for Rachel, he may have recovered from that experience.
What did Rachel do?
She took him shopping for new clothes!
Do you think he will ever?
Honestly, no. But now he has someone and a sibling so he may be . . . less drastic.
Oh yes, did you expect Ieda and Ray to be together?
Well, I thought she would have done better with someone happier. But, on the bright side, its my child and not some stranger!
Out of curiosity, do you have another theory about Ray's habits start?
...Come to think of it, the time he started the cuttings, he lost his stuffed animal. That may be too trivial for circumstances like that . . . but he was nine so it could impact him to loose a stuffed animal. I'm ranting now, forgive me.
Of course. Is there one last thing you'd like to say before we end?
Yes. The one thing that Richard and I agree on is our view on Proposition 8.
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