Hello people. So, I'm sitting here at 2:47 am thinking "what the hell am I doing". so the new school term starts tomorrow... today but I can't even think of one reason to get up and go tomorrow. People say that your last year of high school is the best one, but I don't see it. It's just going to tern out like every other year with me leaving and adding one more to my list of drop outs. For some reason the idea of staying in one place to long bugs me. I end up leaving most of the time befor the first term ends. I think my rezoning for this is because I desperately wont to escape form the home I'm trapped in, but with school I have the power to get free. So just to keep myself from running off into the night I move school so I'm not climbing on the walls at "home" to get out. But in doing this it has only started new problems. People are left with the impression that I'm a mindless slacker with no hopes in the fuchar. Their not that far off. I did have dreams but I learned that dreams are impassable to achieve. There will always be some standing behind you telling you "it will never happen" and after not long it slowly terns into your voice. I'm not sheer for haw long it has been my voice, but it's been long enough that a simple smile is nothing but a mask put on to hide what you really are from everyone around you. If you are really good your" friends" have no clue. There blind to the point that they come to you with problems so that you can help them. Wile in your head your screaming "Help me" but it will never leave your lips. With all your "friends" masked you can walk though life looking as though your just hanging out never really trying, nothing but a slacker. One problem with your "friends" masked there not really your "friends". You don't trust them; in reality you hate most of them. But what are you to do, if you don't inter act with them someone might think something is wrong then they will know your week and heart you more. Cuz anything you say to a "friend" will be told to others and then you will be mad fun of. So that leads back to the start were your climbing the walls looking for freedom. Funny thing is that when I was little I wonted to be a doctor. I think I was 2 or so. Since that day that's what iv wonted to be but it will never happen. Iv got every one fooled, thinking I'm someone I'm not, that I don't even know who I am. One day I hope someone will fine the real me. The me that dreams of flying throw the sky in my dream only waking up in the mornings with your feat feeling as though someone is holding you down. The me that loves to sit in since class learning about genetics and how the eko system works. The me that gets panic attacks so bad that I lay on the floor sometimes, grasping to the closes thing holding on as if everything around me was about to be disappear. Living day bye day wonder why? All I wont is someone to know the real me. But I'm nothing but a worthless person to scared to ask, that it will never happen. Even if a person see they will not help because to do that would mean having to see what is really going on around you, Would you real wont to know that? question
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