Title: Battle of Time and War
For: Lucky~9~Lives
Word Count: 2,671
Page Count: 5 (Word Document, size 11, Calibri Font)
Theme: Pride Comes Before A Fall // God Challenge
Feel: Amusement // Mischievousness // Satisfaction at a bully being put in his place // Nothing too serious
Review:"Hmm, okay, review...well firstly, I found the story really hilarious, especially the one-liners at the end ("beacon" xD). The dialogue in general was excellent, really expressing the moods of the individuals - you could perhaps detail more the internal thought/memories of the characters directly (without dialogue), although I'm not sure it's really necessary. Just an option. Good work describing the action scenes and poses, maybe elaborate more on settings? But again, depends on the genre - action stories don't need a lot of scenery, so it doesn't detract from this work at all. To sum up, a solidly written story with great characterization. "
From 1 to 10: "9/10, 'cos I spotted a few really minor spelling issues. ^_^; "
Chronos stepped lightly over the threshold of the barracks. He headed to the deepest part of the barracks, slinking in and out of the shadows, so no one would give notice to him. He had a small hum under his breath as he would melt into the shadows just barely dodging sight from the many men who trained in this sheltered hell. When he reached the center of the barracks, he looked over to a man who sat sternly in a large chair. The man was a lot like the boys of the barracks, except much older. His hair wasn’t as full of life, but was already greying from the pressures of time. “Jaximus…” Chronos whispered into the man’s ear.
“Nice try, but after half a century under your torments, I’ve grown used to know when you come in and leave.” Jaximus rose from his chair and turned to face Chronos. “It has been a long time, my friend. Have you come for the graduation ceremonies once more?”
Chronos gave a long sigh and leaned in on his staff. “Always straight to the point, Jaximus.” He slipped in behind Jaximus and sat down in the large chair. “Where did all the fun go from you?” A loud popping sound exploded beneath Chronos as he jumped up. There was a glistening red stain on both the chair and his robes. “…Jaximus…”
A large grin spread over Jaximus’s lips, “I think there is plenty fun still left in me.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Chronos spotted his outfit gently with his hand, as the red stain disappeared. “You do know it is extremely dangerous to ever pull a prank on a God right?”
“I believe you have enough mercy and a sense of humor to let me live.” Jaximus and Chronos stared at each other in silence for a few moments, then both of the men started grinning. “Anyhow, the recruits this year are very promising. All of the boys who are graduating to men have been above satisfactory, especially one boy by the name-“
“Chronos!” A man from the training sequence below looked up with an angered expression. “When did a God like you slink into MY Barracks?” Jaximus sighed deeply and looked down at a beastly warrior. The warrior was huge for most warriors, and had a temper to boot.
“ /A God like me/ you say?” Chronos called back down in amusement. “Do you know of any more Gods who dress as dashing as I?”
The warrior glared up, his ears turning red of the bat of humor to his taunting. “You dare mock me?”
“Well, I could do other things to you, but you’re not my type.” Chronos smiled for a moment longer, but it faded to a dark serious tone. “Who are you, boy?”
“My name is Ares.” Chronos sat back in his chair with an awe expression. “I have been training with these men for a term and I believe they are better suited under my control for payment than yours.”
Chronos tapped his staff lightly against the ground in a state of tension. “A God like me…” he repeated to himself. Ares moved out of the crowd and moved up to stand before Chronos.
“Son, you can’t be up here. You know the ru-“
“Hold your tongue Mortal!” Ares punched Jaximus across the room to the other side of the large room of the barracks. Chronos pulled out his staff and tapped it on the ground, freezing everything in time except him and Ares. “What say does a God of Time have in a Barrack?”
“Just as much say as a God of War does.” Chronos idly played with his staff. “There are no wars in here, at least I offer them strong lives in the time of their youth to survive such training as this.”
“Such training as this?” Ares moved more threateningly towards Chronos. “These men are going into war after this; I should be gaining the tribute.” Ares was now just inches away from Chronos. “Not you.”
“Shouldn’t they pay tribute after they survive a war under your control?” Chronos looked up and matched Ares gaze with his own. “Not before you even prove your worth as a God.” Chronos flashed beside Jaximus and tapped him with his staff, unlocking him in the time the two Gods shared. Jaximus continued flying back until he hit the wall. “Are you alright Jaximus?” Chronos asked, completely ignoring Ares.
Jaximus grunted in reply as he slowly lifted himself up. “It’ll take more than a few broken bones to keep me down.” Jaximus glared up in the way of Ares. “So, this is the God of War?” Chronos gave a slight nod, inspecting Jaximus for any damage.
“He seems to believe he deserves the graduation tribute over my own for the boys here who strive to be men.” Chronos slammed his staff into a portion of Jaximus’s back as he let out a loud wail in pain. “What do you think?”
Jaximus leaned up with a surprised look as he was able to breathe easier after the smack of the staff. “You have always been our God…” He stood and turned to Chronos, his back facing Ares.
“Don’t you dare turn your back on me! I made your men stronger than he ever could!”
Jaximus turned back to Ares and bellowed, “By also killing three of our boys! Be it God or not, you should have been less careless by doing such things!” Ares glared as his ears turned redder.
“You dare speak back to a God?” Ares’s lowered his head and began to charge forth to Jaximus with another onslaught. “Then you too deserve such a fate!”
Chronos flashed between Jaximus and Ares, and flicked his wand against Ares’s temple. Ares flew back and slammed into the opposite wall of the room. “Jaximus has earned the favor to speak freely in my presence, regardless who is involved.” Chronos shot Jaximus a smile and added playfully. “Even though he earned such things by doing it anyway.” Ares groaned loudly as he sat up from the crater in the wall. “If you think time is so meaningless in my reign, I will show you its strength. Such neglect of the people who care for you as you grow old is despicable.”
“How dare you talk to me that-“
“How Dare You Enter My Barracks Without My Agreement!” Chronos bellowed back as the ground shook beneath them. He gave a soft sigh and stared at Ares wistfully. “But, alright. If you believe come time of the main graduation that you truly are the strength that drives this barracks, I will stand down.”
“But Chronos…” Jaximus looked at Chronos pleading he would think of another route to take.
“But, nothing.” Chronos walked over to the chair and sat back down. “I will remain here during that time and watch what you do that is so different than I, Ares. If, in the end, I am shown to have more control here than you, you must leave.” He lifted his staff, the room once more unfreezing and growing with life. “And leave the tribute to me.”
“As if it would be a challenge showing that a God of War is better suited in a barracks than a man who plays with time using his staff.” Ares slumped off into the back part of the barracks, yelling all the while about how the boy needed to be pushed harder to succeed.
Jaximus walked over to Chronos’s side and stared at the God sitting so happily in his chair. “Chronos?” Chronos just kept playing with his staff, humming all the while. “…Chronos.” Jaximus said more firmly, trying to get the God’s attention.
“Oh, what?” Chronos smiled up at Jaximus, a playful glint shining across his eyes.
“Do you really plan on letting him have the tribute?” Jaximus’s eyebrows furrowed together in a worried expression. “There is only three days until graduation, how can you prove time is important by then?”
Chronos merely leaned up and tapped Jaximus on the temple of his forehead. “When in doubt about how to go forward in a plan, sometime it is best to go backwards.”
“I don’t understand what you are trying to say, Chronos.”
“Then understand through your eyes in the next coming days.” He gave a loud laugh and just kept humming all the while. “He will learn its importance fairly quickly.”
The first day began to pass without much change. Chronos remained in his chair humming away, Jaximus remained beside him with a worried expression, and Ares continued to bark out orders. The only real change was with how the men were looking over Ares’ leadership. He continuously got praise like “Man, you are moving as if you haven’t aged at all these past few years!” or “Wow! Look at that wonderful skin tone of youth!” No one truly understood what was happening to Ares but the man sitting away happily in his chair.
“Chronos, I’m unsure what you are planning, but I can’t see how it is affecting the outcome of this duel.” Jaximus muttered at the end of the first day. “If anything this challenge has made him more sprite than most of our young men in the thirteenth year division.” Chronos stared up at Jaximus and fell out of his chair laughing. “What?”
“Hahahaha! Exactly, Jaximus! Exactly!” Dispite Jaximus’ protests, that was all Chronos would reply with. Just before they shut down the training for the night, Chronos grinned. “I’ll give you a hint…” Chronos leaned in close to Jaximus’ ear and whispered. “He is a lot older than he looks, even in human form.”
Jaximus stared at Chronos in confusion. “You really have gone made, haven’t you?” He turned to head to his night chambers, his hands waving in the air from frustration. “Dearest the Gods! I’ve been witnessed to one going through the stages of insanity! May the Father of them help us!”
Chronos sat in his chair, waiting still for the next day. He watched as Ares was the first to rise and walk around the barracks. “You still think you can beat me, Chronos?” Ares yelled up in challenge.
“I already have, Ares, God of War.” Chronos watched Ares grip tighten on his pants to hold them up. “Are you losing weight?” Ares gave a soft humph and went off to awaken the other members of the barracks for their morning training. The hours passed on then like they normally do, until Ares’ voice once more bellowed through the barracks.
“How dare you comment that I am a child?!” Ares slammed his fist into the chest of a young boy as he was thrown across the barracks. Chronos simply waved his staff, catching the boy in time and letting him fall safely to the ground. Shortly after, his voice again bellowed through the barracks. “I am a God! How could you call me younger than a simple mortal like yourself?!” Another punch in the chest, another catch with a staff, and another soft thud of safety for the boy. This continued way into the night as Ares’ punches grew lighter and lighter, and his voice higher and higher.
“You know, yelling like that would at most give people a headache. It’s not intimidating anymore.” Chronos called down to Ares’ as he was walking to the sleeping quarters to check on the boys.
“What did you say?” Ares walked to the front of Chronos, and stopped before him.
“I believe I did nothing to your hearing, you heard what I said.” Chronos stared with an amused expression as Ares stared back in rage. “Do you give up yet and admit that time is important here?”
“Heh,” Ares pulled up his pants with one hand, his entire body looking more like a kid who just hit puberty than a man of the army, “like I would admit to something so foolish.”
“Your stubbornness will only cause you great embarrassment, Ares.” Chronos said idly as Ares turned his back from him to walk away.
“My only embarrassment is staying to talk to a half-witted God like yourself.” Ares took one step more as his pants fell to the ground, causing Chronos to erupt in laughter. “Shut up!” He sprinted off to the sleeping quarters in only his undergarments, his pants clutched tightly to his side.
During the morning of the graduation, whispers were heard echoing the entire barracks. “What happened to Ares?” … “Did you see that toddler this morning in the bed of the head coach?” … “What sick leader allowed someone that young to be here, if this is how Ares leads, I don’t want him.” … “Where is our leader?”
“I am Ares, God of War! Do not mock my size!” A young toddler yelled out to the young men of the barracks. “I am your leader! You must listen to--- goo.” Then young men of the barracks stood in horror as the once toddler was now the size of a large infant. They couldn’t help but hoot and holler in laughter as the baby before them cried out inconceivable words and wailed around the floor.
“Aww, poor poor Ares…” Chronos swooped in and picked up the infant, caressing him gently. “I bet you wet yourself again, didn’t you?” The infant just stared up at Chronos, both in shock and anger. “Come on, let me change you!” Chronos spent the day forcing the infant Ares to drink his milk, change his diapers, and lull him to sleep every now and then with a lullaby. “Hey! Look Ares, the graduation ceremony is about to begin.”
The young boys walked up single file to the large chair where Chronos sat holding Ares. Each one gave a small handful of coins and a single possession they most treasured from their childhood. Then they gave thanks and went back to their ranks, forming a notable size army. Ares reached out with his hand for a piece of the gold, but Chronos quickly pulled him back. “Wait a moment, Ares.” Chronos pulled Ares up to eye level and grinned playfully. “You’re not even big enough to know what that is even for.” The newly formed men in the ranks below began to laugh, Jaximus following suite just beside them.
Ares turned a deep hue of red, even for an infant, as he shook out of Chronos’ grasp and fell onto the floor. The infant pushed and tried to crawl as fast as he could to the exit, but suddenly a flash exploded over the barracks. Ares now was in the middle space between Chronos and the men… in a crawling position… his butt pointing up in the air with the remains of a diaper… completely naked. He stood up slowly, the diaper falling to the ground with his face flushed red in embarrassment. “Chronos…” His fists were to his sides as his entire body began to quake with power.
“Oh, I’m sorry you missed the tribute, you just had some growing left to do, and I didn’t see a need for a child to be part of the army.” Chronos grinned from his perch as the men began to snicker in the group. “Very nice a** by the way.” He gave Ares a wink and laughed loudly as Ares began to run for the nearest exit.
“I will get you for this Chronos!” He bellowed back as he sprinted out of the barracks.
“I’ll happily take care of you again!” Chronos called back. He stared out the door and hummed happily before remarking. “Hmm, doesn’t his butt really illuminate against the sunlight. It’s like a beacon or something…” The men roared in laughter.
“I wonder if he’ll ever come back.” Jaximus said idly as Ares formed out of their view.
“Hmm, not in your lifetime.” Chronos pushed the coins towards Jaximus to help fund for the basic maintenance of the barracks. “He’s learned his lesson, and would be to embarrassed to admit such a thing.
