Hajimemashite. Welcome to Akudama's Diary! Episode: Ni-Ju-san!
I feel so lost right now. I don't know what to do or to think. I feel like a little child alone in a theme park full of dangers of the real world with *****, robbers, kidnappers and murderers lurking around every corner and turn.
Perhaps it is best to breif you on my current mental condition.
If you've read my previous entries you would know that I have this huge crush on some guy that I thought was a total dork, but I love him. No matter how much it pains me we will both be going to seperate highschools next year. I'm not like his friend or anything, like my group of friends and his will hang out. Everytime I'm near him my composure leaves like how the U.S. left Vietnam.
Today I was in science talking with Jaimee lynn, a friend of mine and she suggested I ask him out. Of course I natrually flipped out at the suggestion. If I had done so that would be entierly out of character. I'm a shy person when it comes to social confrentations. I am afraid I might upset someone. I guess I try to please all those I meet. A horrible attribute of mine. But I can't help it. It pains me when someone would leave a rude remark about me or tease me or say something behind my back. I forgot to mention I am self concious eventhough I may not act like I am.
My dear friends, I appreciate all of your support and comfort in all of those times when I, myself was not strong enough to stand up on my own. I shall also take this time to thank this wonderful journal and God. All of them have kept me going when I doubted this life I lived and wished to end it all. Sadly another time like that has come aroused. Today I felt more of a tension between friends. One friend said the other was being a B***h and that friend said that friend and another was being a b***h. Oh the wonderful joy of the back-stabbing-gutless-glory-teen-age-drama. I owe thy life to thee.
Wasn't that last paragraph awfully...old. *sigh* My friends that were once one large group have now split of into two and once again I am stuck in the middle. Oh the joy. It is going to kill me one day. Litterally.
My sister and I had a fight after school today. She flipped out because she gave me a piece of candy and expected that I do her chores. I denied hearing that she said so and suggested that she write a contract and hire an attourney next time. In result she flipped out and started screaming in my face and throwing things at me. I just sat there like nothing was going on, but on the inside it was truethfully killing the both of us. She then stormed out of the room yelling how much she hated me and wished me to die and how EVERYTHING was my fault. When my mutti came home my sister was still in a dreadfull mood and reflected on my mutti. Now my mutti is in a dreadful mood.
I feel like I'm the only sane person here. But all I wan't now is someone I can confide in. Someone that will mutter words of comfort in my ear and hold me tight and never let go. I wan't someone I can pour my heart on to and won't judge me for what I wear or where I live or who I associate with. I wan't someone who is willing to be strong for me. Someone that will catch me as I fall. Someone that will pull the knife in my hand away from my throat.
Perhaps that is too much to ask. But I just wish I could cry and let it all out and fall asleep in their arms. I don't know how much longer I can stand this.
I shall try and confide in Rachel tomorrow. Perhaps things will start to change, at least a small bit, for the better.
For now all I can do is hope that people in this world will open their eyes to see what is going on around them and not the lies they've been spoon fed.
'See Kendra, you do no good. You do nothing to help. You are pure evil. I hate Kendra!'-My darling sister.
Okay, That is it for today's episode! Until next time sayonara fellow peoples.
I feel so lost right now. I don't know what to do or to think. I feel like a little child alone in a theme park full of dangers of the real world with *****, robbers, kidnappers and murderers lurking around every corner and turn.
Perhaps it is best to breif you on my current mental condition.
If you've read my previous entries you would know that I have this huge crush on some guy that I thought was a total dork, but I love him. No matter how much it pains me we will both be going to seperate highschools next year. I'm not like his friend or anything, like my group of friends and his will hang out. Everytime I'm near him my composure leaves like how the U.S. left Vietnam.
Today I was in science talking with Jaimee lynn, a friend of mine and she suggested I ask him out. Of course I natrually flipped out at the suggestion. If I had done so that would be entierly out of character. I'm a shy person when it comes to social confrentations. I am afraid I might upset someone. I guess I try to please all those I meet. A horrible attribute of mine. But I can't help it. It pains me when someone would leave a rude remark about me or tease me or say something behind my back. I forgot to mention I am self concious eventhough I may not act like I am.
My dear friends, I appreciate all of your support and comfort in all of those times when I, myself was not strong enough to stand up on my own. I shall also take this time to thank this wonderful journal and God. All of them have kept me going when I doubted this life I lived and wished to end it all. Sadly another time like that has come aroused. Today I felt more of a tension between friends. One friend said the other was being a B***h and that friend said that friend and another was being a b***h. Oh the wonderful joy of the back-stabbing-gutless-glory-teen-age-drama. I owe thy life to thee.
Wasn't that last paragraph awfully...old. *sigh* My friends that were once one large group have now split of into two and once again I am stuck in the middle. Oh the joy. It is going to kill me one day. Litterally.
My sister and I had a fight after school today. She flipped out because she gave me a piece of candy and expected that I do her chores. I denied hearing that she said so and suggested that she write a contract and hire an attourney next time. In result she flipped out and started screaming in my face and throwing things at me. I just sat there like nothing was going on, but on the inside it was truethfully killing the both of us. She then stormed out of the room yelling how much she hated me and wished me to die and how EVERYTHING was my fault. When my mutti came home my sister was still in a dreadfull mood and reflected on my mutti. Now my mutti is in a dreadful mood.
I feel like I'm the only sane person here. But all I wan't now is someone I can confide in. Someone that will mutter words of comfort in my ear and hold me tight and never let go. I wan't someone I can pour my heart on to and won't judge me for what I wear or where I live or who I associate with. I wan't someone who is willing to be strong for me. Someone that will catch me as I fall. Someone that will pull the knife in my hand away from my throat.
Perhaps that is too much to ask. But I just wish I could cry and let it all out and fall asleep in their arms. I don't know how much longer I can stand this.
I shall try and confide in Rachel tomorrow. Perhaps things will start to change, at least a small bit, for the better.
For now all I can do is hope that people in this world will open their eyes to see what is going on around them and not the lies they've been spoon fed.
'See Kendra, you do no good. You do nothing to help. You are pure evil. I hate Kendra!'-My darling sister.
Okay, That is it for today's episode! Until next time sayonara fellow peoples.
Community Member
I'm starting to wish that I read this yesterday...And were you talking about Chrishi and Kaitlynn? D: It is sad that they were fighting like that. But if it is them, I know Chrishi was irritated. She gets like that sometimes. It's okay.
-Hugs- Hope you feel better soon. heart