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I want to scream until my throat is bleeding and all my old scars come open again. i want to feel so much pain right now. i really really want to. i don't want to die, not yet atleast. i just want to drown this pain in my blood. please soothe this anger, stop me from doing even more harm to myself. i wish that i was too sick to move. i don't want to be suicidal right now, i don't want to hurt myself anymore.

please make this stop