Well, the busheet in my head is gone but now it’s moved to my heart, or hypothalamus, according to my religion teacher (Which by the way looks like a hybrid lawn gnome with bad taste in shirts and the occasional attitude).
A few days ago I lost a person who was very close to my heart... In other words, I got dumped.
Though it was sorta mutual and I already knew it would happen sooner or later, teen love never really lasts, except in some rare occasions where it lasts for years and years, even forever in some cases. Since the beginning I had set my mind on the fact that we would break up and move on at some point... I have to admit that part of me hoped that our relationship would be the kind that would last forever... But alas, that hope is now diminished and I must move on. Now only one obstacle remains: I still love him.
As much as I have tried to convince my self that my feelings for him were disposed of the second it was "over"... it is not true, the feelings are still there, the memory of him still makes my heart race, his smile still haunts my mind and I can still feel his eyes on me. It's really painful knowing that I can no longer think of him as the person I love as my other half, but now merely a very good friend.
Though having him as just a friend is not a bad thing, my feelings will eventually be dismissed, and my life will continue as it did before in an unconscious search for my other half and everyday hoping that I am not one of those few who are destined for a life alone... and about 20 other cats...
Now once again a battle rages inside me and I hope to beat down these feelings that once made me happy... It’s really ironic how a feeling so pure and pristine can actually turn into a choking hazard. *sigh* Love sometimes sucks... BIG TIME!
But without love the world would be in chaos (more than it already is) and it probably would have ended ages ago. Like the saying goes: "It is better to have loved than never have loved at all." which I will add a big ******** YOU to who whoever said it. That is how I feel right now but after cursing at the saying here I feel much better and agree completely (******** you!!!... okay I'm done).
I regret nothing from my relationship, nothing at all. It was all a very wonderful experience and I know now what kind of characteristics I would like in a boyfriend next time the opportunity comes around. But no one can erase all my great memories, not even the next person that comes into my life, like I said: I regret nothing.
I don’t hate him at all for dumping me, in fact I am happy that he finally got his feelings straight and came out clean and honest. Honesty, the greatest quality you can find in your soul mate. That is one of the reasons I fell in love with him, though he lied to me the first time we met... but it was all in a joke nothing serious.^^'
I wish him well. And the next girl who snags his heart, she better appreciate him and be nice to him because she will be very lucky to have him and I will kick their bitchy a** if she hurts him! Heed my warning harpies! sweatdrop I feel better now.
Lastly... now I feel a little better, although my love for him is still there... not only that, I think what is hurting me most at the moment and will take a lot of time to make it go away... is the false hope that he will come back to me... which I know will never ever happen emo
 Alkaria Nimune · Sat Feb 03, 2007 @ 03:49am · 4 Comments |
