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I live my life to much. Doing so much. I'm getting so sick and tired of trying to please this friend. Doing all I can to make her feel loved make her feel wanted, Doing all i can... but is never enough for her. she always wants more.. I have lied for her, she has blamed many lies on me, using me as an excuse for so much, i forgave her for those things... but All the forgivenes i have givin her all she ahs done is abuse ti all.. so now out with the truth for me. So far i've been able to not care for all the lies... until now... i made the biggest lie, hurting people with it. hurting the one i love just to please her... when i feel nothing but hate from her. always in pain when i mess iwth her. I've even said "i dont love you, i hate you" to the person that matters the most to me in the world, just because she wanted him. and now I've made her love me. and all i want to do is get away from her, from her hate, from her need of love. She's bi. i've said i am as well... just to make her feel normal, just to let her know she fits in. WELL NOT ANYMORE!... I give up. she has crossed the line to many times. She has caused to much pain. She has done so much harm. I've learned how to hate, how to lie, how to be evil beyond belief. I've become someone I dont want to be. someone i hate. People say "you cant love other if you dont love yourself" and they are right, but yet so wrong. I lose those who i care for. I want to cry for the love and care they show me. I want to be their friend forever. I want to be with Eric till the day I die. He is the sweetest person I know. He is my life, my love, my need to live, I'm sorry to those i have cause pain. I'm sorry to all for all wrong I've done. Please forgive me.
The hate, The anger were thought to me by you From your hatred I learned From you hate I hated. Trying to please you, fighting my own will, Trying to do whats right for you, not for me or others. Wanting to die, A slow painful death Wanting to drink, blood thats never mine. Wanting to cry, but show no tears. Hate you With all my heart.
I wanna die. from all the pain I wanna live, to see the beauty of the next day.
ladydeathlife · Fri Feb 25, 2005 @ 09:31pm · 2 Comments |
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