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Alone in my World
My world...full of emptiness. It matters not how hard I try, for it will always be empty. Perhaps this is the reason I've turned out the way I have.
Brothers.
This is a song/poem I wrote about the soldiers at war.

<center>Brothers</center>

I don't feel, nor do I feel pain
In the open feild of war
When we walk with weapons
I am no longer myself.

I aim in the distance
Aim for another one of me
One who looks the same as me
He hides behind the tree.

I am confronted with myself
The face not the same
we have the same title
Human.

The bullet filies true
The bullet glides through
How can I take this?
I killed a brother.

Tears fill my eyes
I can't keep lies
No matter how hard I try
I killed myself.

To this day
I live dead
I killed a man
How will I ever repent?

I killed myself,
I can never kill again.


<center> FIN </center>

Yeahh...If I was out in the feild of war...I'd feel this way. I never want to kill anyone.






User Comments: [7] [add]
Azrael the Mad
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Mon Feb 07, 2005 @ 12:39am
I do like it, and it sounds like a more realistic view of what MY poem was about. Not that that's bad, or anything. I really like it. Only thing I have to complain about is that the Rhyme Scheme is a bit...elementary. You can do better. Keep trying. xd


commentCommented on: Mon Feb 07, 2005 @ 11:32pm
you're really talented,you know that? just wondering but how exactly did you get the nickname kiwi? thanks for commenting on my journal smile



Yamashita_Rei_Kumiko
Community Member
sogold123
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Wed Feb 09, 2005 @ 12:53am
Yamashita_Rei_Kumiko i don't know but he once ate a kiwi. i know it doesn't make sence


commentCommented on: Thu Feb 10, 2005 @ 10:42pm
Yey kiwi! MEH WUFF YUU! Your still mah buddeh. 3nodding



Igarashi Sora
Community Member
Hot_Kittten54
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Sun Feb 20, 2005 @ 09:58pm
wow that was awsome heart


commentCommented on: Tue Mar 29, 2005 @ 05:16am
I quite liked it. I wish to whatever deity that you went to my school... I'd have you published. eek
I especially liked the lack of over-pretentious language, and the simultaneous lack of modern slang, which is easy to recognise but so bland...
Thanks for posting that. 4laugh

P.S. Egads... That makes two comments in a stranger's journal... I hope I'm not becoming addicted... ninja



Norel Lorre
Community Member
holly1515
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Mon Jan 21, 2008 @ 03:29pm
I kinda like it but...yea, i agree with that one guy, this seems a bit bland without stronger terms. try a thesaurus. Other than that its good! ^ ^


User Comments: [7] [add]
 
 
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