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EDITTED:
Current mood: Relieved, edgy, stressed out

Thanks to Christina, I found out that Danielle doesn't hate me! W00t! Good, because I'm still wanting to be her bestest friend, as a guy I mean. Thank you Christina for relieving me... ^_^
On other news, I tried to start a roleplay forum. Deivan School. If you all see it, stop by, it should be pretty fun if we get enough people. I need help, if anyone's willing to help. I'm just tired of seeing all the spam.
Thanks again, Christina, for telling me about Danielle. Danielle, I don't hate you either, so just... forget about that last entry. I was just worried. Thanks...

The edit:
Why do I feel as if EVERYTHING is my fault!? It's my fault I'm gay, It's my fault that Christina's mad, it's my fault my fault my fault. Okay, this is it. For all of you who think it's my fault, it ISN'T. I believe what I hear, and God forgive me for being a worry wart, but Danielle you just don't understand anything anymore. You really think that I hate you, and it's ALL MY FAULT?! Maybe it's YOUR fault. I highly doubt that since you're the one with all the magnificence and beauty with God on your side.
I'm glad God's on your side, though. He's protecting you and making you to who he wants you to be. Me? Heh, I've probably entered chambered 666 by now. I need to start reading again, it might just help? I dunno. It could. I've been working so hard at my job, (note the fact that my back has a pinched nerve but NO nobody cares *rant rant rant* [also note, this is not to be taken seriously to any of those who DON'T CARE]) and it seems the only thing I do these days is go to the mall and go to work or sit down on the computer. YES I'M LAZY, BUT THANKS TO WHATS GOING ON NOW, I'M DEPRESSED. THANKS ALOT~!
Why am I depressed? Because EVERYTHING is my fault. EVERYTHING. It seems as if I'm the number one target to blame. Do i know this exactly, no but it sure the hell feels like it. For the love of God I'm sorry I ... don't talk to anyone any more. ((If you blame Paul, I won't talk to you EVEN LONGER. So SHOVE IT)) It isn't no one's fault but my own, but I'd rather stay away from everything until I know that it's all fixed.

If you want to be a friend, try treating me a bit nicer and stop slamming everything and every possible problem in my face and start talking to me with some more respect. If not, ******** off. I'm tired of hearing "You shouldn't have broke up with me, You shouldn't have let someone make-" Eh, ******** that. WE shouldn't have been arguing all the time. THAT is what made my decision. WE were ARGUING almost EVERY DAY. I didn't want that for you! I wanted you to be happy! ((Remember how many times I said you deserve better! IT'S TRUE YOU DO! BECAUSE I'M NOTHING!))
Honestly, Danielle... I don't want to talk to you over the phone because I don't know how you're reacting. Right now, I don't even want to talk to ANYONE because I'm so down in the dumps again. If you want to blame everything on me, fine, then do it, but I can't help the fact that my feelings toward the same gender of me got ahold of me...
For that I'm sorry...
It's been a problem for so long, I can't just hide it anymore. Don't you understand? Probably not, because you think I'm perfect and all this other s**t.
No, I'm not perfect, but all I need is God's love to at least survive. At least I know HE loves me...
I've even been treating him wrong... I should be reading the bible... I don't know, so much pressure against my mind. I missed church today because I wanted to relax for work.

---
Just, don't talk to me if you want to blame me. I'm already filling up with tears inside, so... just... be yourselves. I'm sorry for everything. So sorry.
The only thing I'm not sorry for is for me being me. And if you want an apologize for that...
... Then disappear in my life...
Only God can have that apology, NOT YOU.

(To all of those who decide to hurt me... No one special.)


tata for now~.

P.S. Brandon have a safe travel home!! gonk