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Current mood: Loved, Loving.
Working on: Self Esteem, Diving moves, Swimming, Writing, Dancing, Hanging out with my dad and Christina, Accepting my "sin".

Yesterday was great... I talked to him again... and fortunately, my heart has been giving in to him. His voice, his sweet talk, everything... We cried together over the phone after I told him what had happened to me since our first "Break Up"...
I fell.
Believe it or not, after that break up (I was cheating on my girlfriend, sadly... *ashamed*) Danielle and I fell apart. I didn't even think much of Paul, it's just... my mind seemed to take it's place and take me over. I created a negative part inside of me that hates love and hates everything that deals with love. I felt so bad for breaking up with Danielle... I mean, I never asked to have homosexual desires, did I? No, I didn't, it just grew on me, but no one even understands that.
I go to church, I'm a christian, and I'm a strong believer in God and Jesus. I love them both with all that I have and I thank them for everything they have given me. Seriously. Last night I was dead tired but I still prayed to God and Jesus with a smile on. Why can't anyone just understand that what happens happens... Why? Why can't they? Why can't anyone believe me... or at least think of me not just a gay guy but more than that...
I don't flirt with guys much often really. Girls are attractive to me but I don't think anything sexually, and barely anything within a relationship. However, I look at a guy and I wonder "hmm... I wonder what he's like..." I don't know, it's just me. Maybe I am Bi? I don't know and I don't care but the only reason that I strongly believe in my homosexuality is because the near perfect relationship between Danielle and I was terminated because of my fantasies and dreams of being with another man.
It sucked. I didn't want to argue with her about it, so I had to let her go..
I've been single for a while now, and I'm still building up and repairing myself in order for another relationship. Michael was too much of a sex freak and tried to get into my pants two weeks after knowing each other. Look, I'm not an extremely sexual person. Sure sometimes it comes and goes but heh, that's life for anyone.

But I believe I've actually fallen in love...
I've never really felt this before besides with Danielle. But with Danielle it fell apart way before I could even save it. No this... this type of love makes me want to cry, and hold on to something because I want to keep it for my sake... And thank God for it... I...
Ever since... we met... It was an awkward situation. I thought he hated me, but truthfully, we shared a wonderful conversation and became better friends. Then, after becoming such wonderful friends, we kind of became "together" until I told Danielle and we broke up.
Paul... I have fallen for... Again.
I don't care what your opinion is, I love him, and that is that. Not just because of his appearance either because he IS a cutie, but because his voice, his care for me.
Last night, we both cried... we both cried for a while because of everything that had happened to me. I never asked to be this way, guys. Ever. I want you to understand that. Forgive me if you find it wrong but I believe it's ridiculous for homosexuals to automatically go to hell. No. I think God loves us ALL...

I love you Paul...

And to all those who don't believe in this, ignore me. Don't talk to me. Don't TRY to change me. I am me. Forget you.