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I am so ******** sick of this. I feel like I can't do this anymore. Friendship should not be this hard. It should be easy and fun. This is not. Not at all.

Kaoru always pisses me off. Always. She doesn't even have to do anything really. I don't know why. I feel like she's hiding things, and then every time I go and do some snooping, I find out that yes, she is. After tonight, I feel like we really can't be friends anymore. I've been saying this for a while now. Since June. I should have done it then. This is like pulling off a bandaid way too slowly...

There's obviously something wrong. I feel it. My intuition is rarely wrong, if ever. I've known since June now. When I know something is off, I need to just leave it. But I just wanted to believe her so bad. I have no other friends. I thought I could make it work somehow. But it's driving me crazy.

I don't really mind if my friends lie to me about some stuff. My one friend lies constantly, I just accept it. With her, I can't. It must be because I have feelings for her. I don't want to jeopardize my whole life for someone who I feel is lying to me.

I don't go off on people for no reason. Deep down something is wrong and it's my way of dealing with it.

Our role-play is fun, but that's about it. Besides that, I feel like this relationship ******** me over and over again. s**t didn't blow up left and right before I met her.
It affects me, a lot. I get extremely depressed, and angry, and everything else. I get too depressed and don't want to do anything.

It's just not a healthy relationship. She'll say it's me whose making it that way. That she's been nothing but honest with me. But no, I feel it. It may just be small things, maybe, but I doubt it.

I have been straight up from day one. I wish other people could do the same. I'll just take this as a lesson learned and keep moving. Don't trust anyone. When I feel something's off, I need to cut them out, even if that means I'm alone.